as regular readers here will be aware i have for a few months been wrestling with the right sort of pants to wear. for many years this battle has been over before it even began, with me for the best part of two decades simply just wearing black pants.
the arrival of the dawn of the day on which it became clear that only dark brown boots were available in a size to fit me, however, saw the bout begin proper. i thought i had been experimenting with a cowboy look, wearing blue jeans with the dark brown boots, but perhaps instead i have been just narrow minded, obvious and lazy. it is time that i plunged into darkness, to go beyond the cowboy look and contemplate other pants of a shade that would go rather well with by dark brown boots. or the black ones i solicited recently.
to this end, then, i extend an invitation to all who wish to come and join me in an exploration of images of pants, made by men for men to be worn by men, which are scattered with what one might call gay abandon all across the internet.
strictly speaking, though, these first ones are more of an underwear and "mankini" style swimming thing than they are pants for around town, but it is possible that the boots would look good with them anyway.
that sort of mustard-with-marmite-mixed-in shade of the underwear looks, in my considered view, somewhat different. that someone constructed and unleashed this colour, if indeed colour is the apt word for it, on to the world, says a lot about the flamboyant yet isolated world in which designers of such garments appear to live.
the swimming thing is an item i am unqualified to comment on, for i have spent most of my adult like swimming, when swimming was called for, in them shorts or trunks thing. i would assume some credibility would be attracted to such an item if an Olympiad were to wear one, but the colour and pattern makes it difficult to tell exactly from which country the Olympiad they are aimed at is.
now then. every now and then a product, or rather the name of a product, lends itself to some word association, similar sounding like advertising. the production of a pair of pants called Carsuals would, you would think, lend itself to a gentle play of format like Carsuals, allowing the advertisers to have a splendid time promoting pants for men made by men to be worn by men in association with cars.
but Carsuals seem to be advertised with motorbikes instead.
is it just me, or is the "face" on the Sun hidden in the C for no apparent reason displaying a look of either glorious indifference or perhaps that sly, disarming and shudder inducing slant which one would assume people on the general sex offenders registers of the world have most of the time?
as for the style of the Carsuals pants, well, there is a case to say that dark brown boots would go with those green with a white pinstripe ones, i suppose. not sure about the mustard shirt, though. as a point of fact i do believe i do not own any stripe, pin or otherwise, pants at this moment in time.
whereas i have absolutely no idea what the intention was of the other pants which feature in the above advert, it is with a degree of certainty that i speculate it did not work.
going back to the pants that go under the regular pants style of pants, and it is always great when you wear some pants that provoke fellow men into giving you gifts. erm, not that this has happened to me. not yet, at least, but it might.
my inital thoughts are of if Coopers is some link to Lee Coopers, a brand that i think exists. you still get pants made by someone called Lee, so perhaps it is the case that there was a Lee Coopers but Lee and Cooper went different ways. a bit like that film where them midgets went wandering all over, fighting with trees and throwing rings into volcanoes.
i am not, at present, a member of any sort of club, let alone one which has a pool. i could well be tempted to associate with such an association, however, if my boxers were going to be so impressive that other men, despite wearing clearly similar boxers, felt compelled to gift me with flippers to show their admiration. flippers are class, sure, but anything that is free is class. so i suppose the gift above is "double class".
now that i look at that picture a bit more, considering the concerned look on the face of the chap sat getting the flipper and the shifty, semi-aroused expression and "i am going to teapot you" stance the chap stood next to him has, i am fairly sure that the club above is in fact a prison, and the flipper is some sort of odd metaphor for a cigarette, somewhat pre-empting the ban on cigarette advertising one day. going on the advice my mate Fraser gave me about not accepting cigarettes from men in prison, for they have a price, i don't believe i want to join that club at all.
this is going to take some careful wording, so please bear with me. every now and then a chap is fortunate enough to meet a lady, or indeed a similar minded chap, who is delighted to do a certain thing for them. the only way to stop them from doing this, as a point of fact, is to marry them. trust me.
this widely known fact appears to be behind the design and advertising of Broomsticks pants.
for fairly obvious reasons, what happens when you wear Broomsticks pants must make them exceptionally popular with married men who remember, fondly, what it was all like before they got married.in the short term, actually middle term too really, this has obvious appeal, and i think it would be rather nice indeed to have a pair of these pants. the trickier long term, however, is obviously going to mean delays to your business, since you can't really keep walking along as a lady does a certain thing to you. well, you probably could, but you would have to take your pants off entirely to manage it, at which point the lady (or chap, indeed) would probably stop anyway. Catch 22, as it were.
Broomsticks are cetainly keen to help men reach the dreams of all men, it would seem, as apparently their browner shade of brown pants will also help you become a rock star. well, a rock star of sorts. a rock star that stands on a hill on the outskirts of a city, specifically.
these chaps seem to be wearing black boots with brown pants. interesting. well, you can't see what the drummer has on. or the one that is probably the rhythm guitarist, looking like a girl and stuck to the distant side for some reason, where ones eyes are naturally inclined to look at the building rather than the guitarist. he/she is a bit like the Ronnie Wood of this band, then.
golf. not something i particularly like, but something a number of very dear friends of mine enjoy watching and playing. i have to be careful with my words here.
going on the title of this blog post, i would suspect that any sort of pants that Tiger Woods has would fit the bill if i were looking for golfesque pants, but i must confess to having no idea if he ever wore Male Scrubbed Jeans at a tournament or whatever they call it when those people get together to twat a ball with a stick quite far and get applauded by people who cannot twat a ball quite that far themselves.
the wording of this is too ambiguous tro allow fo seriuous conisderation as a way forward with pants. i mean, Male Scrubbed Jeans? does that mean they are scrubbed jeans for men, or are they jeans which have been scrubbed by men? the lady, or chap that could easily be mistaken for a lady, apparently lining up a pole and ball with a smile on her face, just adds to the confusion. is he/she wearing the jeans that have been scrubbed by men?
leaving that confusion aside, let us go back to underwear. mostly because i could not be bothered putting these images in any sort of sequence, which is why the narrative, if you like, is all over the place.
a quality i, and indeed a number of men, consider when looking at underwear is how well they are made for the purposes of doing some wrestling in. it would seem that Munsingwear know this, and so make sure their underwear is where it's at for manly male wrestling.
i do not engage in as much of this sort of wrestling as i perhaps should, really. i know my chum Spiros does - he even used his honeymoon as an excuse to go to Greece to help perfect his talents. he even goes around the world showing this off, so long as you are happy to accept Sheffield counts as being around the world.
the stretchy seat element to Munsingwear's, an interesting anagram (i think) of us man swingers, is a fascinating one. i would have thought that ideal for the thrust and flexibility generally required by underwear in general and when wrestling in particular, but Spiros assures me that wrestling is not really wrestling if the pants do not get torn a bit.
badminton is not a sport i think of when it comes to underwear, at least not to the extent that it seems reasonable in the world of wrestling, but apparently there was a time when it was key. well, that or badminton was so exciting that people grabbed the shuttlecock before they grabbed their shorts.
i am not even sure if the above picture is an advert of sorts, or if it is some sort of unreleased artwork for a Wham! single.
i can only assume the above picture was created in those days before the internet, cars and general theoretical supplies of electricity. it was an era when members of the gentry had absolutely nothing better to do than play badminton, or indeed ensure that their socks matched and in many respects reflected their jumper. in particular when carrying a wooden triangle around.
what was the point or purpose of this blog post again? oh yes, to see what other pants out there might go well with my dark brown boots. i am not sure this next image takes us any further in that regard, for it is mostly confusing. it does, however, confirm that a pant specialist brand called Lee was out there as much as it still is today, but refuses to shed light on if there was ever such a thing as Lee Cooper.
everything about the above picture says "we do not know who these are for, please buy". they might be cowboy pants, for riding hay no less, but then again Gary Plank, the model on show, is apparently a graduated singing Texaco Firechief, whatever the hell that is. if what the hell it is turns out to be what it says on the box, then he is an educated man who sings as he puts out fires at the behest of a petrol company.
Rody's in big letters does not help the confusion. it simply brings to mind the clubs of the world that are called Ram Rods. i know of two. one was, or perhaps is, located here somewhere. Spiros used to go there a lot, with men. the other features more heavily in the video for the song YMCA by the Village People. some sort of club or institution called Ram Rods, with the name and entrance to the establishment having a most priapic nature or if you like slant to it, features more in the background of that video than the YMCA does.
the confusion is complete, of course, with the bit at the bottom going on about a club for lions and their skating rink. having lions do skating, and charging adults who should know better 25% of the cost of a new pair of pants, is an area i do not wish to be associated with.
and finally, moving on, an area that i have never been to but am aware of. yes, this whole Fifty Shades Of Grey business. my understanding is that it somewhat celebrates all this bondage stuff, submission, S & M and all the things that Frankie Goes To Hollywood pretty much invented with the Relax video. a video which also gave us lion cub wrestling.
in that video the members of Frankie wore, or eventually put on, leather pants. very much like those chosen by Wes out of Mad Max 2. had they worn Dacron, or possibly Leggs (it is difficult to tell) pants, it would probably have been a tiger that Holly got to wrestle before everyone got down to some good, solid wrestling.
we have all, i am sure, had frequent times when we have had a wish to hunt a tiger, skin it, put a female human head (with clearly well styled hair) on it just so we can stand on it as if we were Alexander, casting a weepy eye over the sheer size of our domain. so very few of us ever have this wish granted, which is a shame except for the fact that it isn't really, as less tigers and ladies (with quality hair) in the world would surely make it a rather dull place.
i cannot get the above pants simply because i do not know if i need to ask for Dacron or Leggs ones. what if, for instance, i asked for one in particular, and it transpired that those were the pants for people who like to stand of human-animal rugs made of a combination of elephant skin and Chinese people? it is bad enough trying to find a pair of strides that go with my dark brown boots, i have no wish to change the decor of our home just to suit those strides, thanks.
my feelings at the moment, then, are pretty much - after considering the above - that i am going to stick to wearing variations of blue jeans when i am of a mind to wear my dark brown boots. except for times when i will wear cream or off-white pants with them.
that said, if you own or have owned any of the pants on display here, you are not nor have not been wrong to do so, not at all. except for maybe the tiger pair.and the prison thing.
be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!