Sunday, November 15, 2015

lager top - taboo and myth

hi there

no indeed i am not, look you see, all that much of a drinker these days. whilst i am not in any way, shape or form anti-alcohol, i just tend not to have the margin to have a drink or two, and when i do invariably i wish to go and have a nice nap. this does not, of course stop me from passing opinionated comment on the subject. doing so is the right of everyone on the internet, just as it is obliged to disagree with everyone.

the lager top, then. never, arguably, as such a humble, simple drink caused such controversy. despite the fact that i do indeed have better things to write of here, i thought i'd try and set the record straight on this one.

first off, i suppose, just what is a lager top? i mean, i suppose there are some people around the world - everyone outside of England, for instance - that have never heard of one. the answer to that question is relatively straightforward - it's a pint of lager with a dash of lemonade in it.

how much of a dash? ah. that's where the great controversy and debate come into the realm of a lager top. the exact level of a dash is something many have fought over.

do i have any clarification or a definitive answer on that? no, not really. the best i can do for you is suggest that the amount should be about a shot glass worth, or a measure of some sort of spirit. if you are in one of them fancy pubs, a less than a second squirt of one of them sophisticated soft drink spray guns would suffice.

 basically, it is well known, and apparently accepted, that when you go to a pub and order a pint of lager, you will never ever be served it in a pint glass that is filled all the way to the top. that small percentage of space that the bar staff leave at the top of the glass - presumably as part of some long term money recouping strategy, like when McDonald's fail to put an apple pie or similar that you have paid for in your bag - is all the space you really need to turn your pint of lager into a lager top.

in this respect, that's how the lager top is totally different from a shandy. a shandy has a far, far higher percentage of lemonade in it - at least 25%, but a minimum of 33% would be standard. a shandy sees the limited alcohol level of lager diluted to an all but entire state, and makes it taste sweeter too.

why, then, would you go for this apparently slight middle ground between a pint of lager and a shandy? this is a fair question, in particular as legend has it that you will have your face smashed in if you order one.

the greatest single stigma attached to the lager top is the apparent or perceived ill judgement of fellow patrons in the pub that you order it. many who wish to taste the lager top do not do so for fear of people in the pub taking exception, commenting on it and, indeed, in some instances, violently remonstrating displeasure with the person ordering. it is not uncommon for people to believe that they will be called "gayboy", "queer" or similar if they were to order a lager top.

what does one say to this? well, mostly it's the case that the sort of patron who would react to an order for a lager top being placed in such a way is pretty much going to react to anything in a similar way. for some reason that sort of person considers themselves to be the "alpha" of the pub; the one who drinks the best and they expect everyone else to accept that what they drink is the best and they should for some reason emulate them. yes, that's right, they are twats. twats with no social life to speak of and are entirely bereft of any interesting characteristics or personality traits of consequence. they, sadly, tend to make this problem of theirs the problem of absolutely everyone else, as they try to cling to some sort of semblance of meaning in regard of their life.

getting back to why you would have a lager top, mostly it's to make the lager drinkable. lager, as most will be aware, naturally has a rancid, putrid, acidic, chemical and generally unpleasant taste to it. a dash of lemonade - a lager top - retards this horrid sense as you drink the wretched stuff. it would be better not to drink lager, but sometimes it is all that is available. making it a lager top makes it taste better.

is it really worth having one, causing as it does all of the disdain and contempt it does amongst the less educated patrons of a pub? quite so.

a lager top doesn't just make lager a proper drink, it also transforms it into a sophisticated one; the sort of thing that the refined, the educated and the artistically elite have. if a member of the aristocracy, such as Bryan Ferry or Nigel Davenport, found themselves in a pub which was beneath their social stature - and you have to remember that any pub would be below their social stature - they would order a lager top, for that is the only drink which could possibly not caused displeasure to their higher class of palette.

am i endorsing or encouraging people to go out and drink a lager top? not overtly or directly, no. i just get quite tired of reading and seeing how so-called "proper" drinkers are all judgemental about it, and so decided to speak up for the silent majority who think "actually, that sounds quite nice that does", but are too scared and frightened to vocalise such thoughts.

so, there you have it. if you find yourself in a pub and for some reason are obliged to drink a pint of lager even though you don't wish to, asking for a lager top instead addresses many, if not all, of the issue associated with it. don't allow the narrow minded judgemental prejudices of people who should mind their own business and fix what's wrong with their lives put you off.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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