Saturday, October 19, 2013

czech chocolate

hi there

due to a conspiracy between certain postal systems of the world and the child of the condiment phoenix i, and indeed my family, have had the pleasure of sampling the finest chocolate made and produced for consumption in the land now known as the Czech Republic.

my knowledge of the arts, culture, ways and wiles of the Czech Republic have for the overwhelming majority of my life been limited to me mate Fraser's expressed wish to see Czechoslovakia put back together as it was as part of some idea he has that Yugoslavia should never have been broken up. well, that and the somewhat unusual, predominantly unorthordox and yet weirdly thoroughly enjoyable works of cinematic adult entertainment which, as it were, comes from that nation. many thanks, then, to both the child of the condiment phoenix for sending these insights, and indeed blessed be the postal services for delivering them.

due to the exceptional generosity of the, let's just make it CCP, we have by no means been able to try them all as of yet. but here are our collective thoughts on what we have tried, starting with the red circle one called (i assume) Fidorka

what strikes one most about the red circle one which is probably called Fidorka is that it is called Fidorka and is round in a very real, circular sense of the word. it also has hazlenuts on the front, which probably implies that inside resides hazelnuts, or "hazlenut surprise" if you like.

taking the wrapping off reveals a very smart looking confectionary inside, one that you can indeed see below if you will excuse the bite mark.

what does it taste like? pretty much, from what experience reminds me, like any chocolate from the Czech area which is distinct mostly because it features 0 (zero) angles, right or otherwise. exceptionally pleasant, to tell the truth. i really rather liked it.

oh, the hazelnut thing? well, it did not have any overt or long-lasting hazelnutesque consequences or in your face kind of hit to it. i believe most confectionary makers in the world tend to blend significant numbers of hazelnut paste into chocolate anyway, presumably to cut costs but maybe also because that is what the people of the world wish for.

i am delighted to advise that my (considerably) better half agreed to get involved with this, and personally undertook to try some of them. this kindness saw her try a green one that is otherwise like the above except for the bits where it says red because it is not red it is green.

she had assumed or indeed presumed if that sounds better that this one would be a bona fide, in your face kind of bangin' mint flavour one.

her comment, review and solicited statement was that it was probably actually an ordinary, standard or plain one, depending on what word they are most comfortable with for that sort of thing in the Czech Republic.

as green is not a colour the Czechs deem important enough to have on their flag, it probably does not sell too well there anyway. if they over there make purchase decisions on if the item shares a colour with what's on their flag. which they might, but also might not.

the boys assisted too, by the way. they had a sort of yellow-gold circled one that had white chocolate, with biscuit in it, between them. they ate it rather quickly so it must have been good, but they gave no comments beyond that action which one could say was a review. it presumably tasted, then, like a Czech style or interpretation of white chocolate. with biscuit.

a lot of people - i would not say i am one of the more ultra element, but i also do not disagree with them - will only touch a chocolate or a confectionary if it is of a shape that features angles. these are the people of the world that have never had Wagon Wheels or Jaffa cakes in their natural state but may have had them if they had been modified. in the Czech Republic such people are covered by this beauty.

yeah, sorry about that. i intended to take a picture before i took a bite out of this or the others, but sort of forgot. i suppose i could have turned this one around and denied anything, but i would not wish to cheat any of you.

has technology advanced to the extent that someone could use certain pictures here to recreate a real image and fake example of what my bite mark would look like? that would be quite class if so, but then again a bt pointless. if anyone wants me to bite them i suppose i would consider the request, no real reason to go to the trouble of faking it.

what is this non-round one called?

Big 3 Bit, as far as i can work out. Probably because the bar has 3 segments, identified by contours in the surface, or however you say it. i am not an architecht or anything, i don't know what all the clever words are one should use.

i do know, however, that the above is one of the most amazing chocolates i have ever had, and those who know me or at least know my appearance is not slender will be aware that i have had quite a few in my life to base such a comment on. the biscuity thing and creamy thing on the inside are simply ace.

so ace that i would consider relocating to the Czech Republic to indulge them? it's a possiblity, the remote nature of which i will leave undecided for the moment. but they do have Tesco there too. i do dream of a life where i can walk to a Tesco and buy Tesco things. except the lager, as my cousin Andrew advises me, when he is not advising me on modern music, assures me that it tastes like the urine from the horses they regularly insert into their burgers. or used to, at least, until someone got picky and stopped them.

the CCP warned me against trying one of the ones forwarded. that would be the blue one. the blue one, you see, features coconut. as for why i would need to be warned off trying coconut things, you are probably best reading this post for a touch of clarification.

how fortunate that my (considerably) better half really likes the coconut thing, thus was happy to try it.

what was her reaction to it? apparently it was the best and nicest creamiest thing that she has ever had in her mouth whilst i have been in the same room as her. well, she didn't actually say that, but it more or less amounted to those words. it was really good or something like that is what she actually said.

here she is giving her approval.

that thumbs up right there is now Noddy and Dave Hill out of Slade used to give a thumbs up, which will no doubt impress Susan a very great deal if she has both read this post and read this far.

there are others to try, thanks to the immense kindness of the CCP, and i may well post details of the others here if i recall to do so, and indeed if i take some class pictures. in the mean time, our greatest thanks to CCP for the kindness displayed by sending them on.

although i would have thought, if we are honest, that the above account should be enough to tell you all you need to know if you are curious about Czech chocolate. i don't think there's anything else hidden away, frankly. if this all has not answered your query then you are probably asking the wrong question.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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