Monday, September 30, 2013

contains infrequent strong sex references

hello there

the title of this post are not my words. they are the words of the British Board Of Film Classification, known to censor and suppress fanatics lovingly as the BBFC. the words are their findings on the Frankie Said DVD, which is due to be released in 2014, bundled with the rather good Frankie Said CD set from 2012. and not to be confused with the other, other, other "best of" Frankie set i mentioned in a post yesterday.

the details of the contents of the DVD had been kept as something of a secret by the record label, but here you go - the full tracklisting is available on the BBFC website. my understanding is that it is a verdict for public record and thus has to be published, no matter who or what wished to keep it secret.



the way the BBFC website is formatted is a bit like their approach to censorship - haphazard, difficult to follow and understand and seemingly interested in SHOUTING IN CAPITALS rather than speaking and making sense. to that end, a major big thanks to the one we shall call Lex for untangling what the website says. here's the tracklisting for the Frankie Said DVD.

N/A FRANKIESAID (MAIN MENUS)
N/A VIDEOS(MENU)
N/A TOP OF THE POPS (MENU)
N/A OXFORD ROAD SHOW - 30.3.84 (MENU)
N/A THE COMMERCIALS AND... (MENU)
N/A (RELAX)
N/A (RELAX- LIVE VERESION)
N/A (RELAX- LASER VERSION)
N/A (TWO TRIBES)
N/A (TWO TRIBES - VIDEO DESTRUCTO)
N/A (THE POWER OF LOVE)
N/A (THE POWER OF LOVE - VERSION 2)
N/A (WELCOME TO THE PLEASUREDOME - THE ESCAPE ACT)
N/A (RAGE HARD)
N/A (WARRIORS OF THE WASTELAND)
N/A (WATCHING THE WILDLIFE)
N/A (RELAX- 05.01.84)
N/A (TWO TRIBES - 09.08.84)
N/A (WELCOME TO THE PLEASUREDOME - 28.03.85)
N/A (RAGE HARD - 04.09.86)
N/A (TWO TRIBES)
N/A (THE POWER OF LOVE)
N/A (RELAX)
N/A (WISH (THE LADS WERE HERE / WAR)
N/A (THE COMMERCIALS AND... )
N/A (RELAX- NO.1 AND GUILTLESS VERSION 1)
N/A (RELAX- NO.1 AND GUILTLESS VERSION 2)
N/A (THE POWER OF LOVE - WIN HEARTS AND MINDS)
N/A (WELCOME TO THE PLEASUREDOME - THE EVENT OF THE DECADE
N/A (.. MEANWHILE BACKSTAGE..)

apologies for the CAPS LOCK, Lex and indeed i had to leave some of the BBFC in this.

basically, it seems all a Frankie fan could want and more. more, in fact, than we were ever led to believe was possible. the superb books by Holly Johnson and more recenly Brian 'Nasher' Nash both indicate that the record label has no rights or ownership of any performances by the band, just the recordings and the promotional videos. the presence of dates on a number of the videos above suggest concert or TV performances.

if this means that some agreement has been reached and the band get some decent royalties, that's fantastic. if it means the label has found some loophole that lets them release it without agreement from the band, not so good - as much as the fans want to see it, at the cost of the band being left out of any say? and of course if this means that the label has decided to try and release it without any sort of permission from the band, well, the lawyers will be happier than anyone about this proposed release.

the full blown Video Destructo version of the Two Tribes video has been unseen for far too long. i think it was only ever available on an NTSC Beta cassette and Laserdisc called From A Wasteland To An Artificial Paradise, and then on a ZTT box set of some sorts on some format or other called DVD. oh sure, it is freely available on the internet but it's nice to have a proper copy at home.

fingers crossed this DVD is as the BBFC has reviewed as and when it gets released!



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the 43p impulsive, this will do as a sporadic purchase purple sex lighter of hope

hi there

today i found myself in that most disagreeable set of circumstances that every living thing at some stage experiences. that is to say i experienced an instance of being bereft of a lighter, despite having a Marlboro primed and ready to go.

yes, every living thing has experienced this. they have done so in an obvious, direct way such as the trial i faced today, or perhaps in a less obvious, indirect way, such as in a dream, a past life or indeed even in a future life. so do not say "this has not happened to me", because i have just proved that it has.

this set of circumstances, somewhat obviously, required that i make an ad hoc, sporadic if you like, purchase of a new lighter. the excitement of seeing this will no doubt have seen many of you scroll down to look for the pictures that are obligatory to illustrate my tale, so let me interrupt the narrative now as you look at an image of it as seen through the lens of an iTwat. 



more on the aesthetics of this later, but for now i shall continue my tale.

i am sure my experience is no different from the one you have had, but should it give you comfort or a sense of solidarity to know you are not alone, let me freely share my experiences.

my departure from home for my travels today was marked my delays. having locked up the premises, i became aware that i had forgotten one of several class Tesco shopping bags i am delighted to possess. this required a degree of unlocking, fetching one of the Tesco bags (the one that features badgers, i believe), relocking the homestead and attempting to start my journey once again.

i must stress that i am not one of those hurdy gurdy, tree hugging, ill-informed, protesting, left-wing, Stephen Fry worshiping, tell everyone else how to live type of twats that insist on using a reusable shopping bag instead of simply getting new plastic ones on each visit to retailers. i would like to think, if not state, that i am probably an entirely different kind of twat. i like my Tesco bag as i like Tesco, very much so. using it here, where we are bereft of Tesco stores, is my little way of saying to lesser stores "f*** you, for you are not Tesco".

as the gravity of that sentiment conspires to keep you bound to this blog as if you were an apple torn between the branch and the ground, here is an image of the lighter taken in Commodore 64 mode with, i believe, the dithering option off.



the efforts to commence my journey were thwarted again by that most cruel of a mistress, the human memory. as i ebbed closer to my car, in fact got as far as opening the door, memory teased me with the temptation of recalling i had left an item that needed to be thrown at the mercy of the postal system on my desk.

and what would that item be? not toothpaste, you may be pleased to here, and indeed not something which is of any concern to New Zealand. it is an item of a pressing matter and is destined for a fellow, proud member of the Empire, and that information is all that i can disclose at this stage.

much of what happened next was a repeat of the Tesco (possibly badger based) bag, except it involved going to the study to fetch the item and several curses of a distinctly sexual overture to the mistress of my memory, berating how i had fallen foul of flirtation.

Commodore 64 mode with dithering on, you request? and a look at the Marlboro? sure.



after, at last, commencing my journey. i reached for a Marlboro, surely the finest of all products Philip Morris is kind enough to give to the world, and reached for my lighter of present use. a gasp of surprise and disappointment breached my control over my vocal cords, for a rummage through my tit pocket suggested that it was free of a lighter. it was unlikley that i had stored it anywhere else, but a quick sort of wiggle wriggle in the seat of my car made it clear that no lighter was to be found in either of the arse pockets of my jeans, or indeed of the front pockets.

why not, you may speculate indeed, oh why not just use the lighter installed as part of the car? because, dear reader, it is about as much use as the one in the car in the film of The Blues Brothers. it's knacked. you can try to push it in to heat and ignite all you want, but it just pops back out with a remarkable instant nature, refusing to do anything.

so that is how i came to own a new cigarette lighter today.

the currency here is of course not the Pound Sterling, but i thought it best to adopt it as a frame of reference. does it, at 43p (R6.95 if you insist) (or about 70 of your American so-called cents), provide value and a decent return on investment? well, yes. it lights cigarettes, as well as can be expected of any lighter. this is something which can be of great use when one has had a borderline traumatic experience with the bakery section of any retailer.

there is of course more to this lighter than that, as these images have already shown you. and, indeed, as this next Commodore 64 style picture, unrestricted or if you like diminished by the lack of scan lines, will show you.



the design of this lighter betrays, in equal measure, the cost of it and the purpose for it being, does it not? it is a bold, stark, artistic statement, the type of which in the 1980s Prince would have paid some obscure prick, no doubt wearing a stupid hat and spectacles of a luxurious, flamboyant style of frame several tens of thousands of any currency to design for use on one of any records he produced during that era. except perhaps Sign O The Times, which legend has features a cover loaded with hidden messages that either no one has found or simply no one has bothered to look for.

the artwork lavished upon this lighter elevates it to both a metaphorical and indeed direct statement of intent, proudly on display in the tit pocket of anyone who remembers to take it with them when they are out and about. it states, in a clarity not seen since someone with a presumably straight face managed to persuade a major motion picture studio to find a seventh Police Academy film despite presumably having seen the sixth, that the owner, or if you will bearer - or indeed perhaps temporary custodian - of this lighter is a keen smoker, and is no doubt quite comfortable with their sexual identity, or is presently wrestling with it.

in certain circles the Commodore 64 mode with scan lines on is an incredibly popular means to present images, so please allow me to bow to this quite understandable if somewhat inexplicable preference.



and so that is how, and indeed why, i have come to own for the moment what is the purple sex lighter of hope. a fitting name, i think you will find, for this item.

the burden of owning this is, alas, one i shall not be able to bear for any significant amount of time after i have completed writing this. it is purple, you see, and so my (considerably) better half will just assume that, like all other elements of the planet that are purple, it is hers. my expectation, or if you like anticipation, is that within the next 30 or so minutes i will use the lighter once more, and then we shall part ways, with me going back to the mediocrity and banal nature of the one i left behind, and the purple sex lighter of hope being shoved in the bag of my (considerably) better half. it happens every time i get a class lighter.

at least, dear reader, at the very least, you and i can look at these images and recall the tale of this most magnificent thing.

on that note, for the nostalgia and romance of it all, here is a picture of it taken with my blueberry thing.



it is perhaps best that i leave this tale here, before i am accused with good reason of over-indulging this matter with further description.

i trust that you have admired this lighter as much as i did, and hope that some solace, if that is what you sought, was found in the description of my exploits today.

onwards, then, to October.




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


The Next Next Day

hi there

well, David Bowie's ability to surprise, in general and specifically this year, seem to be undiminished. things seemed a touch quiet with the end of the celebrated David Bowie Is exhibition, and indeed the failure to happen of any rumoured live appearances. no further releases looked likey, but this is 2013 David Bowie.

first up will be an iTwat / digital only release of the recent revamped, remixed and reimagined version of the song Sound And Vison. this is the hugely popular version which features on some advert or other for Sony, and was presumably done as part of the arrangement Bowie has with Sony in regards of the distribution deal for The Next Day. that hits iTwat stores on October 7.

then in November we get a special, special edition (mindful of one already being released) of The Next Day itself. it's a 2 CD, 1 DVD box, looking and sounding rather smart indeed.



the DVD will feature the four videos made in support of the album, with the videos for The Next Day and The Stars (Are Out Tonight) being the best of the bunch and proof that music videos do not have to be the utter, utter rubbish that most artists seem to think will do these days.

CD1 features the "standard" 14 track version of the album. CD2 has the tracks that featured on the 17 track "special edition" of the initial release, plus some nice touches. here are the track titles :

Atomica
Love Is Lost (Hello Steve Reich Mix)
Plan
The Informer
Like A Rocket Man
Born In A UFO
I'd Rather Be High (Venetian Mix)
I'll Take You There
God Bless The Girl
So She

of particular delight to everyone will be the presence of the song God Bless The Girl, which was initially a Japan only release on the album.  as has been discussed time and again on this blog, rather annoyingly the Japanese record labels insist on "exclusive content" for the kids of Tokyo, in an attempt to persuade the Japanese to buy that edition rather than a cheaper import. what a good idea this is; instead of just changing the pricing strategy let's annoy fans worldwide and effectively create a bootleg / illegal download market.

Bowie has, in fairness, always been good with these "Japan only" tracks, making them available worldwide as b-sides for singles a few months after the initial release. it is a great shame that the same does not happen with other bands, in particular the Manic Street Preachers and indeed certain Frankie Goes To Hollywood remixes.

this special, special edition of The Next Day is listed as being released on November 4, although at the moment i cannot find anyone listing it for order yet. and yes of course i will be getting it.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, September 29, 2013

The Best Of Frankie Goes To Hollywood 2 CD & Poster - anyone have this????

hi there

i am going to assume that the answer to my question in the title is "no", but i hope to be surprised. thus far none of my dear fellow Frankie fans on the Frankie forum (join us by clicking here if you are a fellow fan) have it, and it seems that the label who released it are unaware of it.

what is it? what does it look like? this.



it seems to have come out with no announcement or fanfare at all. actually it seems to have been released with no actual release, to be honest.

Frankie Goes To Hollywood have, i think in total around the world, now been subject to more greatest hits and compilations than the 7 singles and 2 albums suggest they should have. well, what can you do with music that's just so damned great?

the tracklisting, if we are in the business of honesty, has had many a Frankie fan roll their eyes, for it seems to offer the same tracks all other compilations and reissues have had. that said, the back of the box looks smart. 



on the "again" business, the epic 16 minute 'Sex Mix' of Relax has made it to CD about 3 times before this, and i think the celebrated 'Annihilation' mix of Two Tribes  has been released about 10 times before - considerably more, to the frustration of fans, than the actual million-selling 7" version of the song has.

yeah, i have everything on this set at least twice. the whole set, to be honest, looks like a slightly trimmed and mostly repackaged variant of the 2 CD Frankie Say Greatest set from a few years ago. but it still looks interesting enough to get - mostly for the fact that it is a "6 (six!) panel digipak foldout" thing, and it comes with a poster. where to get it is the problem.

at present amazon have it listed for a very reasonable £4.36, but sadly list it as being temporarily out of stock. the marketplace thing on amazon suggests that some have it in stock at least. other than amazon, the only place i have seen it listed is someone called Poponaut, which is an ace name. they have it for 10 of them Euro things.

what about the label which released it? well, that would be Union Square Music, and if you go and look at their website they have no details on it. and nor does it come up on a Frankie search.



hmn. this might be worth owning, for the average Frankie fan and the serious collector alike, purely because there is as much evidence to say that it does not actually exist as there is to say it does.

i think the temptation is to try and track this one down, really. it's a nice enough mix to put in the CD player, if indeed it is a real set! if you happen to have it and are reading this, please leave a comment!

UPDATE - this set has been, as it were, obtained, so to speak. here

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, September 28, 2013

maintenance / comments changes

hi

just a short and sweet update - i am dicking around with the settings a bit here, trying to make it easier for them Google+ and iTwat users to leave comments by adding that Disqus (or however you spell it) here.

all comments on this blog have thus "vanished" but the internet assures me they will be "imported" on this Disqus (or whatever) thing.

happy commenting if it all works!

oh, you people like pictures on blog posts, don't you? hang on......



that will do, whatever the hell it is.

UPDATE : seems to be working, although there is no Disqus thingie on the side menu. hey ho, click on the title of any blog post and you should be able to comment away.


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, September 27, 2013

Fifa 14 - 1st versions of the game dumped on the 3rd world?

hello there

those of you who read all about my shopping adventure yesterday (click here to be taken to it) will be aware that i managed to get my hands on a copy of this Fifa 14 business a day early. i have reason to believe that all copies of the game in Africa have been sent off somewhat early.

if you click on that link, you will see (amongst other things) the cover of the PS2 version of the game. here is the link again for ease of use.

in the newspaper today there were some further adverts for the game. so, thanks to the magic of blueberry, here is the PS 3 cover for the game.



and here you go with the cover of the Xbox 360 (or whatever it is called) version of the game.



pretty similar, yeah? all feature Messi in the same pose, all careful to make sure that the name Qatar is not covered up.

right. Fifa 14 became available in the rest of the world today, and so pictures of the boxes have been uploaded all over the net of inter. i have pinched one of the pictures from a friend (if you are reading, many thanks Deb). here it is.



notice something? yes, that's right - Bale is on the cover too, proudly sporting his new Real Madrid shirt, the one he is paid an awful lot of money to wear. presumably, then, the UK (and no doubt Europe) has a more up to date version of Fifa 14 - the one on the shelves here, as per my comments yesterday, has Bale still at Spurs and Ozil still at Real Madrid.

hmn. i think it's fairly obvious what's going on here. Africa was clearly the dumping ground for "first pressings", when neither the artwork nor the game was finished. EA are well known, with the Fifa range in particular, for rushing out games loaded with bugs and errors. what a lovely, easy way to dispose of stock that was wrong, no?

i am guessing that EA just assumed that people in Africa would have no idea what a Gareth Bale is and thus would neither know nor care which team he played for.


for those who got the game, happy playing! although if you are anything like certain people i know (hello Andrew, happy birthday) then you won't be reading this (or emails) anyway, you will be locked in the bedroom playing the game.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Stone Roses Made Of Stone - extras revealed

hi there

well, we are about three weeks away from the celebrated Made Of Stone documentary being available on blu ray and DVD, and so today the extras coming with the set have been revealed.

the 3 disc "steelbook" looks like the way to go, with an incredible, fan friendly price of £15.65 over on amazon.



if the above picture is not clear enough in respect of the content, here with thanks to the Stone Roses Made Of Stone facebook page are the details :


Audio Commentary with Shane Meadows (director) and Mark Herbert (producer)
Additional Performances (Rehearsal, Warrington Gig & Fan Footage Highlights of Spike Island ‘90)
Behind the Scenes - Warrington Parr Hall
Locating the Rehearsal Venue
Shane's Hallelujah Moment
Manchester Premiere
Channel 4 News Piece
Interview with Fans
Fan Phone Footage
Stoned love: Tour Montage


that's quite impressive!

whilst you are waiting for this set to be released, please go right ahead to sign my petition about getting The Stone Roses to do a cover of a classic Harry Nilsson song. go on, it would be ace!



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, September 26, 2013

modern adventures in classical shopping

hi there

well, that's a rubbish title, isn't it? sorry, it sounded OK up in my head, but there on screen it looks awful. and no, i cannot be bothered to change it.

for some reason a few people, in particular the Child of the Condiment Phoenix, seem to be interested in what goes on when i go shopping, wishing to hear some tales and see some pictures. i don't quite see the fascination or elements of interest, to be honest, but if that's what people want to read, here you go.

first off, let me confirm the date for you. it's Thursday 26 September 2013. that will be of some relevance a little latter, and indeed right now as you have a look at this first picture.



yep, that's Christmas stuff they are getting ready for sale. i have been musing that i have not been able to get crackers and that so far this month, so i am glad to see they are on the ball. interestingly, no Halloween items or elements if you like seem to be for sale anywhere - i am guessing i missed out, they were no doubt on the shelvees in May.

i have a curious habit of bumping in to people i know whilst at the shops. not too strange for you readers in England, the US and the Australia-NZ axis i suppose, but strange here. it's massive, you see, and people tend to be spread out, not always using the same centres. i also mostly keep my own counsel, not having the most dynamic of social circles.

nice, then, to bump into Kidron today, who i have not seen for close to 5 years.



well, he thought it was nice. i thought it most pleasant, i suppose, and good to see him around, doing well and indeed doing shopping. usually it is Spiros i bump into at the shops and, due to his lifestyle, things tend to get rather homoerotic on such occassions. Kidron would no doubt appreciate it a great deal if i stressed that no such business happened on our chance encounter.

ah, time for a moan. off to the CD section of a CD store i went. why? the wild hope that the new Manic Street Preachers album, Rewind The Film, would be sat there. i bought it on day of release, but alas one of them 'iTwat store' things, i like having the CD. as there remains no sight of either the recent Primal Scream or Beady Eye albums i did not think there was much chance of success. no, not available on CD.

they had plenty of copies of the 2 CD reissue of Another Self Portrait by Bob Dylan, though. they have had plenty of copies since the day of release, which they managed to stock it on and not impose a 2 week delay as was the case with the new David Bowie album earlier in the year. i suspect they have not sold a single copy, really. it is not a fondly remembered album at all, and fans would no doubt much rather have the 3 CD version, featuring a concert, that the rest of the world has.



why is it that an inferior version of a not overwhelmingly popular album manages to be available on the international day of release, yet they struggle with a Bowie release date and don't stock the Manics, Primal Scream or Beady Eye at all? it has to do with who is, or is seen as, the "voice of music" here.

it takes, as you are aware, as special kind of dickhead to declare themself a "guru" of anything. usually someone that describes themselves as a guru in regards of a field or subject is as far removed from being that as you could imagine. so when here you have someone calling themselves a music guru somehow getting on to the radio on a regular basis, you have problems. never mind that he regularly gets basic facts wrong, most recently i heard him declare that the song The Glory Of Love came from "The Karate Kid 1" (it was from KK Part II and there is no such film as The Karate Kid 1, it was just The Karate Kid),  it seems he has managed to convince many that he is a source of knowledge and apparently believes his judgement and words influence what people listen to.

if some brainless moron in the record industry here - and there are many, for once in the 90s i sat in a car with an exec with The Who's Live At Leeds playing and he had no idea that the band were not a new phenomenon - happened to hear this "guru" go off on one about Dylan, then i think i know how this happened to all come into being.

no CDs for me to purchase, then, but i did find some blu-ray discs at a sensational price, one in particular at a really brilliant price.



the more paleontology related title above came up at twice the price it was marked when i took it to the till. far be it from me to name the store, although perhaps i should. for some reason the lady at the till thought i might not notice if she simply took all the wrapping off (it featuring the price twice), put it in the bin and informed me of the sensational, new, double price. oh but i did notice and to her partial credit she looked most ashamed when i asked if she was always this brazenly dishonest.

yes, i paid the price marked on the item, not what the computer thought it might be.

onwards, then, and remember the date thing? as many will be aware, Fifa 14 has a release date of September 27, which is tomorrow. on the off chance the stores here with their wild disregard of release dates might already have it i had a look. most just had posters up, but i am delighted to say one store was busy unpacking it as i walked in.

it is with further delight that i say they had no problem at all with selling it to me a day early.



splendid! if only they could be this class with music releases, in particular music that people actually wish to buy, happy days would surely be a lot closer to frequent here.

i recall, many years ago, my Mum returning from a trip to England and giving me the CD (What's The Story?) Morning Glory by Oasis. this was impressive as she arrived here a full week before the CD was due for release anywhere. apparently the stock had arrived at the airport and my Mum sweet-talked them into selling it to her early.

i've always been quite chuffed that i got my hands on one of the first non-press review copies of that album, and James in a similar way is most impressed that he got this game a day before the majority of the world can go and buy it.



is it any good? no idea. James says it is, and he has been busy with it since he got home and found it waiting for him. it's not like EA have done anything too brilliant from what i have seen, for in the game Gareth Bale remains a proud Spurs player, and i believe Ozil is stil a Real Madrid man. and that Belgian with the funny hair remains an Everton player.

still, it features a lot of the things that Fifa like the world to see, which is Messi and Qatar.



i am imaginging that this is the last ever game to be made for the PS2. it claims it is a "legacy edition" on the cover, which probably confirms that. i think the only other game made for the machine in the last year was Fifa 13 anyway. lots of great games on that machine, but i think maybe Santa Claus may upgrade to a different machine for the boys this Christmas.

not that William is all that bothered about games as such, to be honest, but he might be now that he has a class new Spider Man chair to sit in and play them!



the boys kind of needed camping or camper style chairs for reasons i shall not go into at this stage, and so i went and got them. i was delighted to find Spidey ones, since everywhere just seems to stock ones featuring Cars. the kids of the world, you see, really, really, really do not like the Cars films at all. they are over long, dull, filled with boring characters and just basically rubbish. this did not stop Disney relentlessly manufacturing merchandise for it; merchandise which pretty much sits unsold around the world.

the boys probably did not require any new clothes like they did the chairs, but i find it hard to resist when i see class t-shirts. i did indeed see 2 very class t-shirts today, so they got bought.



i wish i could get that Batman one in my size; i am not however too worried about Ben 10 items. it's a good show and that, don't get me wrong, but it is not Batman, is it?

and to wash those clothes, moving on to the realm of practical purchases? why not that Ariel liquid stuff, which appears to do a very fine job in the machine.



i find this liquid detergent works well. some, like my Mum, reckon they are rubbish and keeps to using powder. fair enough - some other brands have a liquid version out there that does not really do the job well, but this one from Ariel works good enough for me. so there's my unpaid endorsement for you.

other practical things? it is not every day that you walk into a store and find a box of 12 Shredded Wheat and 12 Sponges in a packet. this unlikely set of circumstances is what fate dictated i would face a trial by today, and i think i conquered the trial by buying them.



my (considerably) better half is most impressed with the shredded Wheat, at the least, and i think up to now she is unaware of the sponges i bought.

was i at all able to obtain some coffee on a special offer and some tea towel things too, you ask? why, yes, i was, i answer, taking up a bit of space between pictures.



i was also able to get some deodorant for myself and indeed my (considerably) better half. i bought a type for myself that i would not usually do, but it was on special and it is not quite as bad as some of their scents.



Apollo is not the scent i like the most from Axe. i am not going to tell you which one i do, though. it's OK, but it is frustrating that they chose to market it on the use of Apollo by NASA in the moon missions and other space things. i like to imagine, when i use it, that it is in fact named after Apollo as he appears in the mythology of the Greeks and Romans, or even as if it were the stuff that Apollo out of (the proper 70s version) Battlestar Galactica uses. or Apollo Creed, for that matter. basically anyone or anything called Apollo that has nothing to do with the moon.

cigarettes? yes, certainly. they are expensive things, and work out cheaper when bought in bulk.



you are not allowed to advertise cigarettes and that, so please ignore the fact that it says Marlboro on the packaging. in fact, pretend you did not see the above, for who knows, just now some expert will say you can die instantly from just looking at cigarettes.

check this out instead.



that Cap Colombie stuff is, for me, the best instant coffee on the market. it's also the favourite of my (considerably) better half, so i usually leave this to her and i make do with the cheaper stuff.

as for those class, towering purple mugs, how they appear should in itself be reason for them to be bought. oddly, though, there was a more practical reason for their purchase. for some reason we have recently experienced a cup carnage carnival, with handles breaking off a few mugs. the cup cupboard was somewhat bare then, if not entirely naked, so these looked like they would make it look more decent. and they do.

well, as i said, i really don't know why any or many would find this interesting, but to those that do like this sort of stuff i can only hope you've dug this.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chelsea banners get bigger horror shock

hi there

well, what can i say. the evolution of lifelong Chelsea fans fascinates me, it really does. some of the fans have been lifelong supporters of Chelsea for just over 10 years now, which is incredibly impressive and does show what a bit of money can do. poor Blackburn Rovers only had an influx of lifelong fans for a year or so, by comparison.

the dedication, loyalty and decade-spanning lifelong love affair can of course be seen in the amazing, creative and versatile banners the fans have taken a shine to waving at the games. these of course came into their own last season. observe.



yes, that brave chap, discarding his club-provided plastic flag, started something of a trend for bringing A4 banners to the games. no other club had fans with the vision to think to bring in A4 print outs to their grounds, in particular showing off their displeasure.

the genius, of course, resides in the fact that they are careful not to upset he who has thrown loads of money at the club, an investment which reminded several tens of thousands of people that they have in fact loved Chelsea all along. the fans simply demanded that the coach, a gent who won them a trophy and guaranteed them Champions League football next season (as has been their "rightful place" for some 7 years), be removed and the one who was not doing ever so well be brought back in. not a word spoken against the chap who does the hiring and firing, of course.

i can only assume these lifelong fans remembered that Chelsea's traditional place in the world of football was, before money came along, mid-table obscurity. chasing Benitez out and hoping for Di Matteo to return must have been some sort of cry to return to that traditional place.

note i say fans - yes, the idea of A4 banners to express mild displeasure spread, and many fans could be seen showing off their deft skills with formatting an MS Word document to print landscape.



that's some fancy printers they have in the Chelsea heartland!

of course, the fans got their way, and Rafa, after winning a trophy and getting them higher up the league than looked likely after the genius of Di Matteo had not got as many points had hoped, left. oddly the fans did not get Di Matteo back as they wanted, but got Jose Mourinho back instead.

it seems that, presumably as he has not won any trophies in the 8 or 10 games since he has been appointed, the fans are already unhappy about this. just look at the size of the banners they bring to games now!



blimey, that is massive! i have no doubt that Jose will have seen this and we shall see Mata, the player of the year for the last two years, be reinstated to the team at once. if he does not do this, then no doubt we shall all see the return of that thing the Chelsea fans did which involved clapping at the 16 minute mark of a match, apparently to show off how much they miss Roberto Di Matteo.

will the immense displeasure that the lifelong fans have stretch to the owner and investor of the club, i wonder? if he keeps hiring the wrong man, then surely he is the one they want to target? i mean, if this lifelong love of Chelsea is real, then it would not matter if Mr Abramovich removed himself and his money from the club, they would all still love it and not just head to Fulham or Spurs, yeah?



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

and no, video on here seems not to work on Apple iDevices, sorry......

hi there

well, OK people, i tried. for some reason a number of you quite like having a look at my blog on one of them iTwat devices, which is fair enough, you use whatever you like and thank you very much indeed for reading. people have pointed out to me, and i must stress not in any sort of complaint way, that a couple of things on this blog do not work as they should when using an Apple product. they would be the comments section and the videos.

first off, posting comments. it is always nice when someone takes the time to leave a comment or message here and it's greatly appreciated. less appreciated, however, are scams, adverts for cock pills and other such rubbish. to try and keep them away from this blog the comments section has a "word verification" thing on, where you have to type in the sequence of letters and numbers presented on screen to validate that you are a real person leaving a message. it seems that for some reason this word verification thing does not come up for iTwat browsers. sorry, but i can't switch that verification off.

secondly, viewing or if you will watching videos.as some of you may recall from my brilliant but presently underappreciated efforts to interpret the lyrics of a Harry Nilsson song post of yesterday, i happened to have some video shot on an iTwat to upload. i had hoped this would make it visible, but alas no.




many, many thanks indeed to the child of the Condiment Phoenix for providing the above. it is most peculiar seeing my blog in this way, it is not like i read what i write in general. and indeed sorry about the fact that you could not see a moment of me taking a hacksaw to a coconut.

i suspect the problem is this Safari browser, which Apple claims is things like exciting, dynamic and brilliant. apparently no it is not, since word verification and watching videos would be a big part of using the internet in the present day.

all i can suggest is that if you wish to visit my blog to watch videos and leave comments on an iDevice then you are probably going to need to wheel past that iTwat store and look for a browser (or "browser app" if that is what they call it) which is not as short sighted and apparently useless as Safari is. do they have other browsers available? probably, i expect, but i do not know.

meanwhile, as a gesture of goodwill to all you iTwat users, a public service announcement of sorts. please be aware that these two adverts, and several quite like it around the net, are 100% fake, as in they are not real and no, iOS7 does not offer this, no software or operating system could.



one would assume that having the funds for an iTwat, the ability to read and the patience to download iOS7 would indicate that one does not have the required stupidity to believe the new operating system somehow makes your iTwat waterproof, but by all accounts some have fallen for this and tested it. i am not sure if that's true or simply urban legend stuff in the making, but i would suspect that anyone who tested this out was not too happy with the results.

there's a clue in the wording that it is fake, of course. like Apple would ever let you shut down the power supply entirely, for instance - how would they update your phone and know where you are and what you're doing? the reference to "iPhone's delicate circuitry" is also a priceless, genius bit of a dig. well done, whoever created that one.

the next advert goes even further and i dare say better with the kind of wording that Apple like to use and their users seem to think makes them sound clever.



"sudden changes in thermo distribution" indeed! some may well also spot that the Powered by Apple in California comment there is something of a joke, considering how and where it is made.

so there you have it. sorry if you can't leave comments or watch the videos, but i have advised you how you may be able to. it does not involve water or any other sort of changes, sudden or gradual, in thermo distribution.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

testing the lyrics of Harry Nilsson, part 1 (of 1, probably)

hi there

well, for this blog post to make any sort of sense to you at all you probably need to be reasonably familiar with the song Coconut by Harry Nilsson. i would imagine that most of you are, for it is a splendid song, but if not or you would simply like to hear it again (and enjoy the peculiar video), here is a link to it over on that youtube thingamajig.

yes this is all partially inspired by my efforts to get you to sign my ace petition about getting The Stone Roses to do a cover of a Harry Nilsson song, a petition that 13 have so far signed. why not join them? other than that, rather flattering comments have been made that i look a bit, in passing, like Harry Nilsson. to that i would say thank you, but Harry doesn't look that bad and i can assure you i have none of the immense talents the man had.



right, onwards then. assuming you clicked the link to the song above, you will be aware that Coconut speaks of putting lime in the coconut to relieve your bellyache in particular and to make you feel better in general. i am sure someone somewhere has undertaken to try this out before, but quite frankly i cannot be bothered to google to see and anyway you are here now reading this attempt.

up front, if you are going to have a go at this, there are two things you need. three if you include an irrational wish to attempt it, but presumably that's a given, so let us stick with just the two. they would, of course, be a lime and a coconut.

and here they are. on a red tray, no less, to avoid any confusion about this possibly being a Blue Peter type of thing. although maybe they did it on Blue Peter, i don't know. doubt it.



why exactly was it called Blue Peter, anyway? i assume something to do with sailing, since a ship was the logo. probably the name of the ship that first discovered double sided tape and pipe cleaners on an exotic island, no doubt.

beyond the lime and coconut (and straws, yes), one also needs to take the following on board before conducting a Harry Nilsson experiment of this nature. these include, but are not limited to, the following points :


* that the lyrics are literal and not euphemistic (dangerous assumption)

* that a doctor has not been consulted

* that you have a (literal or euphemistic i suppose) bellyache

* thay you will need to call someone in the morning to tell you what to do


i did not, i confess, have many or any of the above in place. i did, however, have the Commodore 64 camera app thingie on hand to take a picture of how the lime and the coconut would look on a superb Commodore 64 machine. i would imagine Harry, or a Harry enthusiast, did something similar in the 80s anyway.



yes, that's right, i used the iTwat touch camera to do all of this. it is the only device to feature both a Commodore 64 option on the camera bit and the songs of Harry Nilsson on it. as you will see, though, using the iTwat technology has accidentally given me the chance to test a theory of mine out. but more on that later.

the first thing to do in meeting Harry's instruction was of course to open up the coconut. for this task i briefly considered taking my class drill, the one which i have not really had much use for of late, to it. i thought that could be the best thing to do, as it would allow for a hole to put both the lime in and indeed a straw.

in then struck me that using a drill, in particular a powerful, motor driven electric powered one, to open up a coconut was irresponsible, reckless and possibly dangerous. it was also unlikely that Harry used one either, since there is no mention of it in the song. i thus decided to have a go at it with my hacksaw instead, since my (considerably) better half did not object to me using that anywhere near as much as she did when i mentioned the idea with the drill.



yes, that is James watching on. he was fascinated by all of this.

it is the presence of my (considerably) better half in all of this which has allowed an unusual experiment to take place here. she is not as comfortable with the wiles and ways of the touch screen on the iTwat touch as she is with her blueberry thing, and thus got confused and bewildered by the controls. this meant that a moment of film footage was taken on the iTwat. here it is.


video

for some reason a number of people visit my blog on their iTwat device. no idea why, but of the observations they make, one is that the videos do not seem to work. i am pretty sure that was is required is some sort of "app" to be installed for it, for that is the iTwat way. on the off chance that it is a format thing, however, and the people of Blogger do not convert the video as it uploads, give this one a try then. if a video shot on an iTwat does not wok on an iTwat, well, there is not a great deal else i can do to assist. it's a wonder i have done this much, but i suppose i have not really.

onwards, then, and i suspect it was the case that Harry didn't use a hacksaw on his coconut. this was because the coconut proved to be somewhat resistant to the power of the hacksaw. this is quite impressive, really, since it is the same saw i randomly take branches down from the trees in our garden as and when the mood takes me to do so.

my (considerably) better half then suggested i have a go at it with a big massive knife. alas, no machete am i allowed to own beyond the fine film of that name, so a big bread knife was called on.



the bread knife too seemed to be far from successful in accessing the coconut. my word, these coconut things are jolly difficult to take apart. they should make them with a button or something.

it was around the point that i was close to just stabbing the cocount that my (considerably) better half opted to step in and have a go at taking it apart. this she did, with some qualified success, without any sort of heavy duty tool or bread assaulting device. instead she just bashed it about a bit in a most barbaric way, perhaps showing off the less than smooth origins of her place of birth.

happily, this resulted in an open coconut.



less than happily, as you can perhaps see above, it led to discovering that the coconut did not look at all good on the inside. i am no expert in the stuff or what a coconut should be like, but what we saw seemed to me like it was not as right as it should be on the inside.

to illustrate this, i of course arranged for a picture to be taken of the insides in Commodore 64 mode. i trust this image further enhances your interpretation of the circumstances i faced, that being that the coconut i had selected (and not just bought at random) was far from suitable.



oh dear. does this mean that the experiment had fallen? was i destined not to try out that which Harry sung of in his song? no, of course it does not mean that. i put a back up plan in place on the basis of my lack of knowledge of coconut stuff. here, in the last Commodore 64 styled picture for this post, is that very back up plan for you.



yep, the stuff inside of a coconut, be it the milk or the cream, depending on your perspective and what you prefer to call it. as far as i could work out it was one in the same, the names being different purely from some sort of branding thing. if it isn't that, and coconut cream is a different thing from coconut milk, and you know the difference, well then there you go, you know more than me.

not wishing to go through the whole drill, saw and knife business again (so eager she was to see this, apparently), my (considerably) better half had taken one of them opulent tin opener type devices to the coconut milk/cream before i knew anything about it.



all that really remained, of course, was to take the lime apart and shove it in the coconut.

i had to use some sort of poetic licence in this regard, as Harry was not clear on exactly what form the lime should take. i presumed it was lime squeezed in to it. if i am wrong in this, well, there you go, but shoving a whole lime in did not seem practical, and slices would have meant an umbrella too. i really rather like umbrellas in drinks, as any number of people can testify, but i did not have one at hand and anyway one was not mentioned in the song so probably not.

squeezed lime it was to be then, after i had taken the knife to the lime itself.



yes, remarkably, the boys remained interested in all of this. a mixture of being curious and baffled, i suspect. although it might just be that James really wanted to try coconut milk and William really, really likes the idea of breaking things.

the lime proved unworthy of the challenge of a knife, it somewhat cowardly being cut in two with but the work of a moment. we were getting close, then. we would be close to the pictures of what happened too, i suppose, if i did not feel the need to put quite so much text here.

i did my best, then, to channel the ways in which Harry would have done this. if he ever did it himself, of course. i would like to think he did it surrounded by the many social activity enthusiasts he had in his life, like Keith Moon, Ringo Starr and selected members of the Monty Python team. i squeezed, then, dear reader, i squeezed the lime into the coconut.



and then, when it was squeezed in, i mixed. it is probably at this point that an umbrella would have been at its most significant, for i suspect that is what you are supposed to use to do it. if a doctor at any point did indeed suggest to someone to put lime in a coconut to feel better, it stands to reason that they have gone that far, they might as well say use an umbrella too.



hmn, that does not look like the most appealing thing on the planet, does it? not me, you cheeky things, the coconut milk (or possibly cream) with lime mixed into it.

enough, then. the journey had reached the final stage. well, final stage excluding the bit about calling someone in the morning, as is mentioned in the song. so not the final stage as such, but the last bit i was going to do.

i drank the lime in the coconut.



now is probably the best time to discuss a certain matter, something that people who know me rather well have been saying "but, hang on....." in respect of ever since they started reading this. no, i do not particularly care for coconut, and it certainly does not care for me. i have a never quite officially diagnosed sort of "allergic reaction" thing to the wretched stuff. a reaction of such a nature that i have learned it to be far, far better, for both myself and the coconut, to have no association with them.

but this is Harry Nilsson we are speaking of. if i am fan enough to admire his records, buy them and indeed set up a petition to get The Stone Roses to do a cover of one of his songs, then i felt an obligation to put aside my feelings for coconut and give this a try.

it did not, alas, go down particularly well. at all.



i will save you from the rather more graphic images of my reaction to this mix of lime and coconut. you can use your imagination, an imagination that i suspect Harry Nilsson might have employed when he wrote the song, instead of trying the combination himself.

but you don't know, maybe Harry, Keith and probably Graham Chapman did mix lime and coconut whilst they were out on the lash one evening, either to drink because they thought it was class, or simply to give to Ringo. i would probably give it to Ringo to drink.

my conclusion, then, is that putting the lime in the coconut to drink it all up, to make you feel better, is quite possibly a euphemisim for something else, or it is an indication that not all things that make you feel better taste good. or it's just something that Harry liked. or Harry tried, didn't like, but shoved it in a song to see if anyone would try it some, what, 42 years after he recorded it.

feel free to give it a try, or if you like please sign my petition if you have been amused or impressed by my efforts here. now if you will excuse me, i feel the slightest of bellyaches, so i am going to call a doctor.




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!