Monday, May 28, 2012

the series of the lambs

hi there

a perusal of the news this morning led me to discover that there are not one, not three and certainly not seven but two new TV shows that should be with us in the near future that should be rather interesting. the description given to both is not quite accurate, but for the sake of reference, convenience and attracting attention it certainly does the job.

oh, the description? the two TV series will be, it says here, "spin-offs" of this film.

i seem to recall in passing that news of at least one of these, the one that at this stage is confirmed to be going ahead, came about a year or so ago. it isn't really a "spin off" of the silence of the lambs as such, but rather a prequel to the first novel to feature Dr Hannibal Lecter.

Red Dragon has of course had two film adaptations thus far. the first, for which the silence of the lambs adaptation was intended as a modest sequel, was called Manhunter.

it was excellent, featuring a young William "Mr CSI" Petersen as FBI Agent Will Graham and an oustanding performance by Brian Cox as Hannibal. it being made by Mr Miami Vice, Michael Mann, meant that it was visually stylish and indeed stunning, but for some reason it did not do at all well on release, hence not all that much being expected of the sequel.

as it turns out, the sequel did rather well indeed. the sequel to that, Hannibal, didn't go down as well as it should have (it too was great), but well enough for them to have another go at Red Dragon, filming and releasing it under its intended name.

whereas this one was Anthony Hopkins' third and apparently final outing as Hannibal, it featured Ed Norton in his first and presumably only outing in the role of Will Graham. much like Ridley Scott's Hannibal, this film got an awful lot of critical bashing too, probably simply for not being the silence of the lambs. that's a shame, really, as it has a great cast that gives excellent performances across the board.

enough of the history, then. well, for now. the Hannibal TV series seems good to go, although at this stage there seems to be only one actor confirmed as being in it. someone called Hugh Dancy will play........Will Graham

i can't say that either the name or his face are all that familiar to me. looking at what he's been in, it is likely i have seen him quite by accident over the years, possibly in Black Hawk Down. and, looking again, that version of King Arthur which Clive Owen was in. anyway, best of luck to him - he follows in the footsteps of two great actors that were impressive in the role.

in answer to the obvious question, no, absolutely no word that i can find on who will end up playing Hannibal Lecter. one can only hope that they are thinking of either "established", a la John Malkovich (who the makers of CSI apparently and bewilderingly keep turning down offers from) or even Kevin Spacey, or go for an unknown. anyone, really, except an Anthony Hopkins impersonator, that just will not work.

*** SPOILER WARNINGS *** are probably a good idea round about now. the series will focus on the "mentoring" relationship Hannibal had with Will Graham. from what we know of flashbacks in the novel Red Dragon, and indeed in the opening sequence of the second film version, Hannibal helped Will understand the criminal mind and catch the bad guys - all, of course, with the intention of knowing exactly what the FBI knew (or rather didn't know) of what he was up to himself.

this sounds pretty good, really, depending on the Hannibal casting. sure, we know how it is all going to end, but knowing what eventually happens didn't exactly stop something like Titanic being a hit, now, did it?

the other TV series, which is thus far only in an "announced" stage (whatever that means), is indeed a spin-off, or if you will quasi-sequel, to the silence of the lambs. it will, apparently, be called Clarice and will focus on (surprise!) the FBI career of Agent Clarice Starling in the seven or so years between the silence of the lambs and Hannibal.

hmn would be my reaction thus far. i mean, it's an interesting idea, and would give US TV the female FBI agent they have craved since Scully was last seen, but with no cast in place it's hard to get all worked up about it. and, with that, i do not think there is all that much else i can mention on the subject, except to say "it might exist and we might get to see it".

the rich source material, and popular appeal of Hannibal Lecter, suggests there's every chance that either or both of these will attract attention, both from those who are keen to see what they do and those that will be keen just to slate and slam it. as i would think you've clocked, i am keen to see these and see them succeed, really. fingers crossed, with the hope that those fingers do not get bitten off!

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Dark Knight Rises (in a hidden Catwoman poster)

hi there

just a quick update with (yet) another poster for The Dark Knight Rises.

apparently the recently released posters had one of them smart phone barcode things on it, which if you "scanned" would take you to this absolutely massive sized poster which i would imagine would be a little tricky to open and admire on a phone.

a somewhat reduced in size version of it is here for you, then!

the trailers and information have all suggested thus far that Catwoman is more of an opportunist that she is a romantic in this film, but the kisses and lips are a nice touch!

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, May 27, 2012

that Owen Paul revivial starts on June 10

Hi there

behold! here is my copy of Owen Paul's biggest single, My Favourite Waste Of Time. and when i say it was his biggest, i do mean it - it easily outsold whatever else it is he did.

due to me posting this over on the grand social network, a bit of a conversation started with celebrated singer and songwriter JonnyGuitar. in a spur of the moment sort of thing i suggested that he have a crack at a cover version of it, implying that untold riches and even greater celebration of his art could be had by doing so.

wouldn't you know, a consequence of this exchange in JonnyGuitar announcing  The Owen Paul Tribute Minute Gig which shall be happening on June 10.  as it is fair to say that i am partially responsible for the rejuvenation of interest in the music of Mr Paul i feel obliged to promote this gig. well, i would promote it anyway i suppose.

if you are in a position where you can pay the minimum purchase fee if US$5.00 (five bucks), then please register or link your facebook account over at StageIt. you will get 50 (fifty!) tickets for your 5 dollars, of which you only need to use 5 or so tickets to get access to this gig.if JonnyGuitar's performance of My Favourite Waste Of Time pleases you then you can tip him with your excess tickets, or go and support another artists with them.

this is going to be ace, please come along and support!

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, May 25, 2012

Zama's birthday

hi there

well, for some reason news of Zama and his exploits tend to be popular here. to feed such an interest, what better time for a Zama update than the most happy day on which he celebrates his birthday?

he is just as popular with us at verk as he is with you readers, so it was indeed a time to stop and congratulate him, wishing him many more such days.

yes, alas, the pictures were taken on my low grade blueberry thing. sorry about that!

as one of the more popular Zama updates here featured my ace new mug from New Zealand with the Where's Zama? game on it, i thought it might be a good idea to try and sort of recreate that as best i can. to that end, here is Zama with my personal photographer, Trigger.

and if, for some obscure reason, you wish to see an image of your humble narrator in the presence of Zama, well then here you go!

nice one, i have no doubt that Zama will enagage in some sort of celebrations this evening, and i certainly hope you all have a most excellent weekend!

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, May 24, 2012

more images of Warrington

hi there

 well, over on that you tube thing you can find three very short videos of songs from the gig that The Stone Roses did in Warrington last night. i'm not linking or adding them here at all, but i thought some halfway decent (i try) screenshots may be of interest to some of you. they are to me, at least! thanks and credit to the fortunate people who not only got into the gig but were also brave enough to defy security and film away!

the gig might not have ended with the usual I Am The Resurrection, but it did at the least start off as usual, with the superb I Wanna Be Adored.

i know, there's no need to add the word "superb" to any Stone Roses song, because they all are!

for some reason people still worry and get all worked up about Ian Brown's voice, and how he seems to be "out of tune" when performing's like, what part of what The Stone Roses do is it that they don't get? i'm much happier with the raw, overwhelmed power of how Ian delivers the songs than them being note perfect. the note perfect stuff is all on the albums, thanks, i want to go and see and hear them get as buzzed about the music they make as the fans do.

for the record, the reviews were that Ian's vocal performance "got better" as the hour long set went on. going on the clips on you tube, i am surprised that anyone has been able to make this comment, for it seems like (rightly) the sound of the audience singing along equalled the sound of the band!

i know you can't really make him out in these pictures, but yes, that really is Renion drums. i do hope that the NME are going to do a follow up interview with "the drummer out of Dodgy" to get some clarification on his statement about Reni being very ill and the band drafting in a replacement. if it was meant as a joke, it was not funny. if it was meant to attract attention to Dodgy, then perhaps they should record something Good Enough for people to be interested in rather than that one song, the name of which escapes me.

these last two pictures, taken during Made Of Stone, are exceptionally blurry. they are included, however, to give full credit to the balls of absolute steel the person who took this video clearly has.

security was understandably strong armed at this gig, and quite a few people have reported that their phones, cameras and assorted iTwat devices were confiscated. that did not stop whoever this is using theirs to make a video right up in front of the band! at points in the video it looks like Ian is signalling to security and then pointing in the direction of the recorder; that would certainly explain why at the end of the clip we get some footage of the floor!

well, there you have it.this could be incredibly incorrect, but i suspect there will be no more performances from the band until the Barcelona gig on June 8. if they do, bonus!

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


hi there

well, it seems that my car has decided the way forward is a new ailment each and every month of this year. i kind of hold myself responsible, really - i unwisely took it in for a service at the start of the year and it really does not like pre-emptive fixing.

it had been running as well as ever (or close to it) of late, but then a funny thing happened yesterday afternoon. i picked the boys up as usual and then, wouldn't you know, the car just would not start.

a class thing about schools, however, is that lots of parents tend to come and collect their children, so within seconds i was able to get someone to pull up to the bumper (baby) of my car and give me a jump.

this got the car going and we could go home!

well, sort of. roughly half of the way home saw the electrics fail on the beast. i was somewhat concerned, but managed to nurse it home.

this morning it needed a further jump to get going. it would have been a jolly nice touch if Michele would have been able to deliver unto my car the jolt of electric that it craved but, alas, she was unavailable. and with those who live around me apparently away at the moment (my car was as lonely as it was low on current on our street last night), it was Grandma that came to the rescue!

after getting the boys to school we gave the car another belt of leccy and got it to a battery place. the chap at the battery place had two things to say to me - the first was that my brand of battery is rubbish. the second, after he tested it, was that actually my battery was rather good and remained good. the latter was a bit disappointing, as that meant there was to be no quick fix in the form of a new battery.

well, my car does not really do "quick and simple" fixes. actually, it does when something goes wrong with it on a Friday 13th for some reason. but that's not the date today, is it.

off to the electrical menders, then, to see what vexed my car so. Mum followed me all the way, and we got away with having to stop and recharge it just the once.

it (just) made it to the garage, and it turns out that something called an "alternator" is wrong with it. well, no, that's not true. it has not caught a car disease called "alternator", it's more the case that the alternator i had in it has gone a bit dead parrot, without the pining for the fjords.

a new one is getting bunged into it as i write, and with some luck i shall have it back soon!

i trust that your day has been a good deal less problematic on the vehicle front than mine!

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Stone Roses - Warrington, Manchester, 23 May 2012

Hi there

up front, no - no i do not have a bootleg video or audio recording of this gig and further i do not know of any footage or recording out there except for a very, very bad 30 second clip of Made Of Stone that you (at the time of writing) can go and find on You Tube. my apologies if you have googled or by other means got here if i do not have what you want, but look around anyway - i do my best to write in a way to entertain!

i can't give you the sights and the sounds of the secret, surprise concert that The Stone Roses did last night, but i can certainly sort you out with the set list! looks like it is John Squire's copy, too!

it was somewhat unlikely that the first reunion gig would be held in Barcelona, wasn't it? this surprise first gig was for free, with 1500 lucky people from their home town of Manchester turning up with a Stone Roses item and a donation to HUGS to get access. Morrissey, that other famous son of Manchester, did something similar for his first solo gig.

the reports say that all was excellent, or if you will beyond excellent. Nice one Ian Brown, telling people to stop it with their phones and cameras and just enjoy the moment! that said, the insistence of large parts of modern audiences to film and take pictures of gigs rather than enjoy them does allow us to see one or two images from a night that shall be remembered for a long time!

only two "special" guests were present, one Liam Gallagher and, even better, Cressa, the dancer and vibesmaster that was lucky enough to be on stage with the band back around the time of the debut album.

you may be pleased to know that a professional film crew also recorded the event, so fingers crossed it turns up on a documentary or as a DVD release.

the first thing that strikes one about the set list is pretty much "what, no I Am The Resurrection?". well, it was a short set, and i imagine that's reserved for the bigger, fuller gigs.

never mind what is missing, it's great to see stuff from Second Coming feature. Tightrope and Love Spreads are the best two songs off that one, and good to see the band still retains some love for the songs, despite the fact that the album was "the start of the end" if you will.

good to see an alive and well Reni on drums, too. so much for the theory of the drummer out of Dodgy about Reni being "exceptionally ill"!

so, The Stone Roses really are back with us. all seems and feels well and at one in the universe, does it not?

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

using The Force at South Fork

hi there

on a recent trip to South Fork the boys decided it would be a good idea to take their rather ace lightsabers with them. they do not, oddly, bash each other with them much at all, if at all, which is as surprising as it is pleasant. they are instead happy to walk around with them, being simple and humble students of the ways of the Jedi.

i didn't, as it happens, have my blueberry phone thing that takes rubbish pictures on hand. fortune has it, however, that Grandad was about with one of his many cameras with massive lenses on it!

they might not hit each other with them (all that much), but as you can see James is only too happy to teach William how one can go about poking and prodding things with a trusty lightsaber. we will frequently watch, for instance, William shove all sorts of things under the couches at home, just so he can try and knock them back out with his lightsaber.

things to poke and prod at with a lightsaber seems to extend as far as having a go at fishing with one of them!

after been advised not to mess around near the pool with them (in less vague wording than that), it was off for a stroll around the grounds of South Fork for the boys.

if you are wondering about the jumpers / jackets on the go, yes indeed it is getting ever so slightly nippy here at the moment!

whereas James, and as a consequence by default William, prefers the newer "prequel" trilogy than the original Star Wars films, they seem to be having a go at pretending they are on Endor here. no problem with that, especially as South Fork, unlike Endor, has a consideable lack of cannibalistic like Ewoks that are likely to try and cook them alive!

as for the, as some would put it, "bombshell" mentioned above, well, Episodes I - III are meant to be to this generation what IV - VI were to ours in regards of Star Wars. the kids of today are subsequently buiiding up as many fond memories of these new ones as we did with the original ones. these "fanboys", who have ranted so much against them that they've persuaded George Lucas to give up on making any more films, really need to get a grip, a life and a sense of perspective. just enjoy them for what they are!

James and William certainly do, when they are not trying to hide in the trees and bushes at South Fork!

the above picture makes me wonder just how much fun they will have at playing Predator as and when i am allowed to show them that magnificent film!

well, i hope you are all doing well, and indeed that it is somewhat warmer wherever you are in the world!

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Be Good

hi there

Dad's sifting through boxes at South Fork has continued, and is revealing even more interesting things that he has tucked away. there are one or two film and music related items of interest, but this time around he's found a whole load of sports stuff.

of all the items he has uncovered, few are as impressive as a whole whack of signatures and autographs he collected at various events in the 70s. there are some very impressive ones (Kevin Keegan, Bobby Charlton and Jim Laker off the top of my head), but this is the one that truly made me stop, stare in disbelief and go "wow".

yes, that "to Lee" part is written by my Dad, as he prepared them for signing for different people. the rest of it, however, is the work of the man who shall be, for me and in my opinion, the greatest character and manager the game of football shall ever known, the late, legendary Brian Clough!

that the signature is on a menu for a celebratory dinner in honour of Geoffrey Boycott just makes it all the more excellent, really!

i'll get around to pictures and scans of some of the other stuff (including a really funky '3D' card collection that The Sun (ahem) 'newspaper' produced in the early 70s) eventually, but understandably i just wanted to show this one off soonest. hence the low quality blueberry phone camera thing being used!

be good indeed, and be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Dark Knight Rises (in a final poster)

hi there

as the countdown to the release of The Dark Knight Rises can now safely be done in weeks rather than months, someone over at Warner has taken the time, trouble and imagination to spend all of three, possibly four, minutes creating a new poster for the film.

"uninspired" was the word that crossed my mind when i saw it, see what you think....

in brief defence of the poster, it's not like the film needs all that much of a selling job to the world, is it? also, it seems to be an attempt at uniformity with the also, when you think about it, less than dazzling poster for The Dark Knight.

none of this dampens the enthusiasm for the film, of course.

the poster has got people talking, and in a slight theoretical spoiler-ish comment, i should warn you that one or two are speculating that what we are seeing in the poster is not Bruce Wayne in the batsuit........

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stone Roses - an EP on the way?

hi there

this might be yet another non-news story, but as we are all of 3 weeks away from their warm up return in Barcelona it's worth mentioning! there has not been much in the press about the possibility of new Stone Roses song since Bez suggested they were working on material until now.

Chris Coghill, the writer of a most interesting film called Spike Island which is due for release, has mentioned in passing that the band has "at least three or four new songs" recorded. and, frustratingly but understandably, that's as far as this particular conversation goes!

with new material "in the can", it's strange that there's not so much as a hint of a release date for at least a single or, going on Mr Coghill's comments, an EP. the band have signed two (!) record deals, and you would think that the labels which signed them would want a product out around about now, with coverage and anticipation of their return getting bigger and bigger.

it will be somewhat baffling, but also very Stone Roses like, if any or all new material gets its debut live rather than on a record release.

if luck and excellence are on our side, hopefully there will be news on this front very soon!

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, May 21, 2012

got more John Terry celebrations if you want (which you do)

hi there

well, at last it seems that the complete and utter John Terry that is John Terry has sort of got what he wished for - popularity. i suspect, however, it is not quite in the way he would have liked.

John Terry spoof pictures and "memes" as i think the kids call them are all the rage on the internet right now; the quick post i did on Sunday has already had something like 600 views!

to be honest, my views on how one solves a problem like John Terry tend to revolve around less oxygen rather than more. however, these are damned funny, and tend to put him in his place a bit. go on then, here's a few more.

it's back to the 80s when John. sure, back then the European Cup was contested only by actual champions of national leagues, but it has got so much better now that UEFA have clocked there's more money in letting more teams in. if your team wasn't good enough to be domestic champions back then, you had to watch other things instead of European football. like, for instance, the events unfold in China when students took to Tiananmen Square to protest.

having John Terry there, celebrating whatever it was that would get pictures taken of him, would no doubt gratified all of those students and in no way make them wish, or indeed pray if they were allowed to, for a quick death under those tanks.

freedom is indeed a wonderful thing, and in South Africa few who were there will ever forget the long walk to freedom taken by arguably the only politician the world has ever known never to have faced any serious criticism whilst in office.

the events in Munich on Saturday showed just how better Mr Mandela's walk to freedom would have been if only FW De Klerk had suggested that it would be perfectly acceptable to have John Terry lift up the trophy as he strolled along.

when it came to the fall of the Berlin Wall, a certain David Hasselhoff (note to kids - he is who we had to make fun of on the internet in our day, kind of like a prototype Chuck Norris or Rick Astley if you will) has often claimed that he was in many respects responsible for the reunification of Germany via his music. to that end, i really think that, to this day, Mr Hasselhoff has somewhat misinterpreted the "symbolic" way people threw chunks of the wall at him as he played a concert on or near it.

just imagine, if you will, how much better it would all have been if John Terry, rather than The Hoff, had been the one to bring unity to Germany.

that last one, oddly, is not really all that far off from representing the truth as you might think. i am fortunate enough to have many friends in and from Germany, and for the most part they were united in hoping that Chelsea did indeed beat Munich, such is their hatred for Bayern. this was in particular true of those based in the same logic, all my English friends were shouting for Bayern Munich to win - partially out of dislike for Chelsea, but mostly out of an exceptional dislike for John Terry. my dear friends from Scotland, Wales and Ireland usually don't need that good a reason to shout for whoever it is playing against (theoretically) English opponents, but it must have been strange and indeed i hope pleasant for them to discover that they were for a change shouting against an English side with most of the English, all thanks to the magic that is John Terry.

full credit to the apparently anonymous yet genius people who created the above pictures.

and full credit to O Captain My Captain, the man who returned The Ashes unto England after so many years, My Lord Michael Vaughan, for this comment : "I am looking forward to next year when John Terry holds up The Ashes". not Mr Vaughan did not say when either England or Australia won; it doesn't seem to matter to John.

right, that's your lot. never again shall he darken my site again. unless he makes an even bigger spectacle of himself and humiliates himself even more. that seems impossible, really, but when it comes to humiliating yourself, John Terry breaks the barriers.

once again, full congratulations to those Chelsea players who earned / actually played in the final / didn't disgrace themselves and can be genuinely proud of winning the Champions League.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nazis At The Centre Of The Earth

hi there

well, why not start with warnings. i am going to be giving a quite extensive review of the film Nazis At The Centre Of The Earth here, quite possibly a lot longer than the film actually warrants. sorry, it just amuses me to. a consequence of this would be that *** BIG HUGE SPOILER WARNINGS *** are in place for pretty much the whole of this article.

if you have no interest in the film at all, then, or if for some reason you think the film might not just do what it says on the box and wish to remain spoiler-free, then you would be rather wise to just stop reading now and find something else on the internet.

for those of you who wish to learn more of this film, do read on!

regular readers shall be aware that i get very little time to watch movies these days. so little time, in fact, that one might ask - when i have yet to watch things like, for instance, Inception - why on earth would i waste a movie watching opportunity with sh!t like this. the answer to such wonder would be as simple as the title. who could refuse an interest in a film with a name like that?

the film starts at a time towards the end of the Second World War. we are presented with a squadron of Nazis getting every so busy, in a rush to get some sort of device loaded on to an aeroplane.

many other reviews around the net suggest this looks like a coffee machine, but to me it looks more like a boiler, or quite possibly a gas cannister for a welding kit. anyway, it is worth remembering this device for a bit later.

the leader of the defenders of the boiler is one Dr Josef Mengele, played by Christopher Karl Johnson. he is one of those actors that you are sure you've seen in a hundred other things but never know the name of. he isn't the one you have seen a hundred times before though, as a quick look at his career on the internet suggests that, prior to this masterpiece, his most notable film work to date had been as an extra in the recent Star Trek film adaptation.

he is, however, the best actor on display in this film, for what that is worth, and soon you crave scenes with him in it.

Dr Mengele is what i believe the Americans call a "bad ass". a troop of Allied Forces are closing in on whatever the boiler is the Nazis are keen to fly away with. whilst both Nazi and Allied forces show off the traditional bad sense of aim in films like this (except the Allied forces when they managed to shoot whoever is stood next to Mengele with precision), Mengele is a crack shot, and every bullet he fires either blows up a solider or a tank.

Mengele and the boiler make it onto the plane and into the skies via flying through a massive explosion which seems to happen for no apparent reason.

we then cut to more or less the present day, and find ourselves, according to the credits, in Antarctica. we meet two students who are carrying out an unspecified experiment with a rather big pole that is some sort of drill.

one of the two students is played by Dominique Swain. i have no idea who she is, but as she gets top billing on the poster i assume she is significant to some sort of target market. whoever she is, Dominique Swain does not feature in the top ten list of acting performances in Nazis At The Centre Of The Earth. you have been warned.

moving on and Dr Paige Morgan (Swain's character) and her colleague, who i think is Dr Mark Maynard in the film and i do not care what the actor's name is, soon stop as they hit metal.

it turns out that the metal they hit has a swastika painted on it. what is it? we never get to find out, as soon a sort of three man Nazi scouting patrol turn up from nowhere and put a stop to their investigations.

we shall get to the gas masks they are wearing a little later. in the mean time, the Nazis bash Dr Mark in the face, and then seem to drag him and Dr Paige away. not before, of course, blowing up the Nazi metal up with a rather ace hand grenade.

the hand grenade thing, as i have tried to show in the screen capture above, is quite smart. it's got some sort of glowing blue mist around it, causing everything it hits to evaporate rather than have the usual "boom" explosion. whoever these Nazis are, they clearly have some top of the range technology at their disposal.

here, believe it or not, is where the film kind of takes a turn for the worse. yep, if you thought it was bad thus far, that's nothing. the people at the Antarctica base where Dr Paige and Dr Mark came from work out that the two have gone at the least AWOL. there is only one person to turn to, then. the longest serving person at the base, although not the person in charge, Dr Adrian Reistad.

Dr Adrian Reistad is played by Jake Busey.

Jake "related to Gary" Busey.

the presence of Jake "i was in two versions of CSI and Starship Troopers" in any sort of film is usually a good indicator that what you will watch is not going to be at all good. that Jake gives the third best performance of all the cast in this film might well tell you all you need to know, but come on, you've read this far, please keep reading.

whilst Jake and his crew decide that they had better go and look for the missing two (all of them should go, bear in mind), we cut back to wherever the Nazis have dragged the two in question to. after a dozen or so minutes of drivel since we last saw him, it's excellent to see Dr Mengele again. although it is not quite so excellent for Dr Mark to meet Dr Mengele, for he is about to get all of his skin removed by him.

at heart, as you might well expect from a film of the name that it has, Nazis At The Centre Of The Earth is supposed to be a horror / shock film, so a scene like the one above is not that surprising. the fact that it is not the most disturbing such scene, however, is a surprise.

back to our gang of scientists or doctors or whatever they are (the ones being led by Jake Busey and someone called Dr Lucas, played by Josh Allen, that gets out-acted by Jake Busey) and their quest to find the missing two. wouldn't you know the class blue mist grenade of the Nazis didn't erode all traces of a presence where the two were taken, so there's an excellent trail of blood and footprints for them to follow.

the trail leads them all to a massive crevice in the ground, which of course they go down looking for the other two. this in turn leads to a massive hole in the ground, from which a familiar looking blue light seems to be coming from.

i am no geologist or that, but i do have an O Level in Geography. well, a Grade 'D' O Level in Geography. i mention this because, on the basis of how quickly they all travel down this massive hole, i do not think that the Nazis are anywhere near the centre of the Earth as promised in the titled. going on the rope used to get down and that, a more accurate description might be that the film is Nazis About 300 To 500 Feet Below The Surface Of The Earth. i appreciate that this would not have been quite as catchy a title, but it would have been more truthful.

it is entirely possible that because the Nazis in the film are not quite at the centre of the Earth the film, under the Trades Description Act, is not permitted to be released in England with the name Nazis At The Centre Of The Earth. this goes some way to explaining why, then, in England the film is known as Blood Storm, which is a crap title, instead. not that the title it has in the rest of the world is all that brilliant, i suppose.

moving on, and our intrepid doctor / scientist types get to the "centre" of the Earth, and what they find is excellent. things like sunlight and a whole town, or at the least all the bits of a town that the budget could afford to build, is right there for them to explore.

yes, that's right, you are seein Jake Busey wearing sunglasses. perhaps he knew what to expect when they got down that massive hole?

anyway, despite it appearing to be abandonded, the team head off to explore the town, shouting "Paige! PAIGE!" a lot. poor Dr Mark, no one calls out after him. with no one answering their calls, off they go to investigate what looks like a huge barn or shed of some description.

oh no! the doors close behind them, and they are captured!

oh no! it turns out that Jake Busey, whose characters' name you may have noticed sounds just a bit like 'Aryan Reichstag', is a traitor of sorts, certainly a conspirator, and has willingly led them to being captured!

oh no! Dr Paige, being identified as German by the genius of Dr Mengele, is present in a Nazi uniform!

Dr Paige was spared having her skin removed as she had a jolly decent conversation with Dr Mengele about how German she is, along with a chat involving a whole load of presumably imaginary and made up forms of medical treatment for skin and cell regeneration. or something like that.

these Nazis, you see, have been hiding underground in Antarctica since 1945, and have been fixing themselves up with spare parts from people, people that for the last ten years have been delivered to them by Jake Busey. the surgery does not always work, however, which is why the Nazis mostly walk around with gasmasks on, except for the chap that got the benefit of wearing Dr Mark's skin. it is not, then, just a cheap way to avoid applying constantly degrading skin to all of the characters.

the current crop of scientists and doctors are not there merely to supply new parts, however. Dr Mengele wants them to either help with his "masterplan" or to die. a Jewish character does not get much choice, of course, and gets given the second option off the bat.

just when you think you could not dislike Jake Busey any more than you do, one of the crew he brought down is insolent. for their trouble, Dr Jake takes an unspecified liquid - possibly meant to be stem cells? - out of her head and injects it into that odd looking boiler thing.

whatever it is they were hoping that would do to whatever it is doesn't happen, which makes Dr Mengele very cross. so cross, in fact, that he rips out the brain of whoever it is that they took the liquid from and throws it at the wall.

for some reason this seems to be the perfect time for another female character - i think it is one called Silje - to confess to Jake Busey that she is in fact pregnant with his child.

just when you think you could not dislike Jake Busey any more than you do, he looks thrilled at the news, and promptly decks Silje / whatever her name is with one punch.

and here comes the most shocking sequence. Jake Busey's thrill at the news is less about being a father, more about getting to perform an abortion with what can only be described as a vaccum cleaner.

charming. a big part of you, of course, wants to switch off the film there and then. a smaller part wants to find out just what that was all about. if you follow the latter want, you get to see what are presumably foetal stem cells being injected into that boiler thing.

this injection would appear to be the bunny, because the boiler thing starts doing what Dr Mengele seemingly hoped that it would.

blimey, what's that all about? just what was in that boiler contraption? there's no way of dressing this up, it was the preserved and apparently alive if not quite functioning head of Adolf Hitler, now working as a consequence of the Jake Busey injection.

having Hitler's head back alive is all well and good for Dr Mengele, but that sort of limits what he can do. how fortunate, then, that around the boiler they have built some sort of body, and thus you have unleashed on the world what can only be described as RoboHitler.

it is a great shame that, for plot reasons i suppose, RoboHitler is hidden away until about the hour mark of the film. it should have been all about him, really, and called RoboHitler. this is particularly true when you consider that the Nazis, known for their practicality as much as their sense of humour, appear to have given him kangaroo legs and a massive concealed samurai sword in his right hand.

if you are keeping count, James Maxwell Young gives the second best acting performance in the film. he would have been king of the film if he had been given as much screen time, and indeed skin removal action, as Dr Mengele.

that said, within minutes - and i do mean minutes - of RoboHitler being up, out, about and around, he gives the order to unleash the masterplan. this, to put not too fine a point on it, invovles one of the buildings opening up and a 'Nazi UFO' emerging from it.

yay! Nazis In Space! just when you thought that the idea of Nazis At The Centre Of The Earth could not get any better, it gets even more better by changing itself into Nazis At The Centre Of The Earth Who Can Go Into Space!

they don't actually make it as far as space, though. they (very quickly) break out of the centre of the Earth and mess about in more traditional airspace, with Hitler commanding the first attack be against North America.

by luck, some sort of weather monitoring plane spots the Nazi UFO, and immediately calls up the nearest airforce. rather than doing something like asking "are you sure you are seeing a Nazi UFO?", whoever they radio send an impressive squadron of fighter jets to go and try and blow up the Nazi UFO. in record time too - if you click your fingers as soon as the weather plane thing has finished on the radio, the fighter jets arrive.

sadly, the modern day fighter jets are no match at all for the Nazi UFO machine guns, or its most excellent "sonic boom bomb" thing.

you want more pictures of this film? OK, how about, in closing, a look at the pilot of the Nazi UFO. do you see what i see?

is it me, or does the Nazi UFO pilot look more than a bit like Data out of Star Trek : The Next Generation done up as one of them X-Men things?

i have not, believe it or not, given away the whole film above, but yeah, a good deal of it. there's a bit at the end of the credits which gives every chance of a sequel being made to this film. don't say you have not been warned.

it is my understanding that the people who produced this film, an outfit called Assylum, have apparently been trying for years to make something that would be declared the king, or if you will Furher, of films declared to be so bad that they are actually quite good. i would contend that they have a pretty good claim to have done this with Nazis At The Centre Of The Earth.

a few days after seeing it and i still cannot decide if it's just more stupid than it is offensive, or if in fact it is more offensive than it is clearly a stupid film. it remains, however, a film i would suggest those of a mind to watch such things get their hands on. if nothing else, it will at least looking impressive sat on the DVD shelf in your collection.

one thing is for certain - never again will Jake Busey be ranked as high as the third best actor in anything else he does, not even a one man show, so if he called time on his career after this film the world would understand.

should you go and seek out this film - with its proper name, preferably, for the joke does not really work with the UK title - i cannot with a straight face say that i trust you will enjoy it, but can at least wish you the best of luck with watching it! if enough people buy it who knows, perhaps this crowd will get the budget to make a full on RoboHitler film........

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!