Sunday, October 11, 2015

the coffee bong

hi there

as the post i did on the wonders of the fridge promised it, look you see, here's a rundown on the success of our armed and operational coffee machine thingie, or if you like our coffee bong. sorry in advance if this goes astray; or if you like Diane it's 8:36 on a Sunday morning and i am not quite awake yet.

our coffee machine is actually the coffee machine of my (considerably) better half. it was a gift from her friends and colleagues when she, with a heavy heart, left the coffee company that she was working for at the time in order to pursue the pizazz and glamour of the world of finance. should any of her friends and colleagues from those hedonistic, wild days be reading this, i trust you take delight in seeing it up and running once again.

yes indeed, it's big, it's shiny and it's at the uppermost of the toppermost level of the range of coffee making machines you can get. my apologies if that sounds flash and showy offy, but it actually isn't. as mentioned above, this was a very generous, heartfelt gift, and there's absolutely no way at all we would have ever considered spending the amount this costs on a coffee machine.

although, well, yes, i might have been tempted to do so on the basis of how shiny it is.

wow, Blogger seriously needs some coffee, it seems. i am presently struggling to get a video to upload, and here, look, they have uploaded the last picture as the second one. i cannot be bothered changing it around, so here you go, here's the finished product of the coffee bong.

how has the coffee turned out? damned fine, which is somewhat surprising as you shall see when we get to the coffee used part of this blog. so good, in fact, i am going to go and have another cup now, and will finish writing this later. although you won't know that, as there will be no coffee drinking delay between this and the next section you read.

well, not a natural break at the least - you may decide to pause and have some coffee yourself before reading this. if so, welcome back.

welcome back. i am led to believe that water is an integral part of any form of bong. i am sorry, i am unaware of this is true, what with me taking the moral high ground for most of my life. anyway, this coffee bong requires water, somewhat obviously in order to produce the coffee off of the power stuff.

whereas lesser filter or if you like drip coffee machines require you to pour water directly into them, risking electrocution and death by fire, this one has a fancy bucket you take out to fill. here it is.

that is indeed the coffee bong water bucket sat on a semi-shiny new Ikea table. i put the table together; my (considerably) better half did the chairs and bench.

a full post on my adventures with Ikea will be coming one of these days, but a quick observation for you. in my conversations with people about Ikea, i have found that an equal number of people love them compared to those that hate them. i have worked this difference out, or if you like clocked it. those that love Ikea have clearly only engaged in their desks, sofa lounges and clothes storing equipment. those that hate the Swedes have experienced the joys of putting one of their tables together. but that is a post for another time.

another important ingredient of a bong is that which one is, so to speak, "bonging". may i say how impressed i am that a spelling warning has not flashed up for the word bonging, i had no idea that term existed in the dictionary. moving on, then, i needed some coffee to test the machine out with.

my beloved Fortnum & Mason, of course, beautifully craft and provide the greatest coffee one could obtain; coffee off a class that would be most suitable for this splendid machine. they have one in particular called Gunpowder which i am very excited about trying.

it was the case, however, that my (considerably) better half said that i was not, as point of fact, going to London to get some coffee to try out, so i just went off and got the cheapest one possible to try.

yeah, that's a bag of Morrisons 'French Style' coffee, purchased for just slightly north of £2. i agree, dear reader - the phrase "French style" does sound like the perfect personification of the term oxymoron, but no matter, this was the most financially viable one to get. do bear in mind, dear reader, that when i bought the coffee i had no idea if the machine was working.

working it was, though, and indeed is. it shall be some fancy coffee from now on for it. perhaps i will consult the possibility of purchasing from Fortnum & Mason off of this "internet" thing i have heard about, or otherwise ask Spiros if he is allowed back into the store yet.

a picture of the coffee bong working? sure.

normally i would say that the videos i post here are a waste of your time and best avoided. not so with this one, however, if it has worked properly. well, it's not so much the video, but the audio. the coffee bong makes some truly awesome, and indeed formidable, sounds as it does its thing.

i cannot be bothered to switch the sound on my computer to see if the sounds have come across ok, so happy days if it has. and, in a very real sense, sorry if it has turned out to be silent.

i am fast running out of things to say of the coffee bong, yet i have another picture of it uploaded here.

no, we have not tried all the other fancy features which require the use of milk and that smaller, empty coffee jug you see here. the device, somewhere, has one of them smart nut crusher things about it, where one puts in the nuts of the coffee and crushes them in the most feminist way possible. we will have a go at all of that eventually, no doubt.

right, i am off to have some more coffee, some breakfast and get on with my day. i will wager that the day shall feature more boxes, unpacking and moving. such is life. i hope that whatever you are doing with the day today, no matter which particular day it is that you read this, is awesome.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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