Thursday, October 22, 2015

mysteries of the episode seven : mission to moscow trailer

hi there

so, that trailer that everyone's excited about. you know, the one for the new Star Wars film, Episode VII : Mission To Moscow, or whatever. whilst it isn't a bad trailer as such, my view on it would be one of it being rather subdued and not as exciting as it could be. don't get me wrong, i'm as keen for more Star Wars as anyone (except them really rabid fans); i'm just not convinced that there's either any more story to tell, or any value in simply telling the same story once again for what would be the seventh time.

there were a few things of interest, look you see, in this new trailer, though. to that end, then, i have grabbed a few images to have a gander at and muse about, or on, or over, or whatever the right tense or phrase is supposed to be.

first off, the apparent hamfisted way they have sought to make sure that Darth Vader has some sort of presence in the film, even if it's only in the form of a 35 year old decapitated mask hat thing.

the bit about this which is, to me, exciting, is that someone will have had to go to Endor to go and fetch it. that means battling with them Ewok things to get it. the Ewoks, lest we forget, are somewhat primitive. as in the first reaction an Ewok had to Princess Leia was to sexually assault her, and their (admittedly understandable) first reaction to that illegal immigrant smuggler Han Solo was to cook him alive and eat him. well, we presume eat him, Luke got all gaylord nancy boy about it and stopped them.

if we get to see some scenes of someone running around and totally twatting Ewoks in order to get this helmet, i'm ready to say that this will be the best Star Wars ever.

speaking of the nancy boy farmer that pretended he was an orphan (presumably to score sympathy off the babes, and indeed to claim Tattooine's version of benefits falsely), everyone seems certain that this is the Luke right here, manhandling R2.

it probably is. but, also, if there's a baddie obsessed with all things Vader of Darth, would it not make sense that he would get hold of the only living droid not to have had its memory blanked that was there when Obi-Wan twatted Darth Vader to learn as much as he could of the Vader of Darth, and use the robot bin to go and find whatever it is that it wanted to find? that does, after all, look like the volcano planet where Darth Vader got a proper lamping.

in terms of the baddie, or the "big bad" in Mission To Moscow, that would almost certainly seem to be this Kylo Ren character. a character that will turn out to be related to that girl off of the trailer if George Lucas was allowed any input at all into the films. 

going on this snippet from the trailer, however, it seems that he will be a pretty crap baddie.

yeah, that's him turning around to do one of them vulcan death chokes on someone or other as he and his platoon march onwards. so he lets the enemy, whoever that is, sneak up on him, does he? that's pretty lame, and i can only imagine he is going to be the easiest baddie to beat since, probably, the homoerotic, chubby Bennett off of Commando.

now that i look, maybe the droid and possibly Luke scene is at the same battle as that above picture.

otherwise, the plot is looking fairly linear. some sort of new Empire of Evil rises, there's a rebellion against it, the rebellion gets twatted, some kids recall the legend of the Jedi, decide to seek out an ageing illegal immigrant smuggler, his pet and an adopted princess of a planet she stood and watched get all blown up, and off they go to find their "only hope" in the form of Luke. the internet is full of fans who have put forward far, far worse ideas for films.

the last question, then, would be who dies? most are expecting Han Solo to be dead by the end of this film. Harrison Ford has, by all accounts, been obsessed with giving Han an onscreen death since the second film.

if that's the case, obviously he doesn't die in this scene, unless he can come back like one of them "force ghost" things. so why is Leia so upset?

some say it's possibly because the illegal immigrant's pet gets killed, or maybe one of them kids or even one of the robots. in all likelihood, however, she is just upset because she has to go and look for her @ssh0le brother, the one that spent more time that you would expect a sibling would in trying to sleep with her.

i think the film gets released in 6 or 7 weeks, and i am sure we will all know everything about it then. me? i will probably just wait for the disc to get released early in 2016, in truth. i mean, the film looks like it might be ok, but nothing to rush and see.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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