Monday, September 23, 2013

an official inspection of love bead toothpaste.

hi there

the love bead loaded toothpaste enthusiasts who visit this blog will no doubt be thrilled to learn that the latest consignment of this curious stuff has made it all the way to my Dad. sadly, my Dad is less than happy, if not quite upset but perhaps slightly irked, as customs for some reason decided to open up and inspect this parcel.

here is the picture that Dad sent through, showing off just what Customs (on this side) did in their inspection of the package with love bead toothpaste in it.

hmn. it seems they were quite excited about this stuff! i quite like how it was considered suspicious or interesting enough to check one tube of this most coveted product, but not the other three. an interesting approach to take, and i am sure it is a spectacular success when applied to the world of checking items that drugs may be stored in.

perhaps it is the case that they thought the mystical love beads in the toothpaste were indeed some attempt to smuggle drugs in, but i think i know what might have happened. for a start, as far as i am aware, New Zealand is overloaded with drugs, in particular the more hallucinogenic (or however you spell it) ones. that is the only way to explain why they keep making films of midgets trotting over fields to throw jewellery into volcanoes.

i may be somewhat at fault here. you see, the toothpaste was not the only thing in the package. i was out and about and saw a film called Once Upon A Time In The Midlands, starring that guy out of that show, as well as that other guy who was in that film. as Mum & Dad like both of them, i thought it a good idea to get it for them and include it in the parcel.

this in retrospect may have been an unwise move, as this, using all my gifts and skills with the artistic platform that is MS Paint, is probably more or less how it looked on an x-ray. except for the bits where i have added colour of course. unless x-rays are now in colour, which would be ace, i think i may go and get one.

ahem, yes. whilst it was 4 tubes of toothpaste and a DVD in it, i can sort of understand how four tubes of a think substance (with bits in it) with a metallic disc (in a red box) on top of it might have looked like something quite different to an x-ray chap or lady.  it does sort of look like it might be one of them landmine things, or a letterbomb or other such explosive device.

you would have hoped that someone would have thought "surely if someone was sending an explosive device in the post they would not do it registered, giving their full contact details", but then again the prisons and indeed graveyards are full of the criminal element who somewhat gave the game away by leaving the odd clue behind.

there are many positives to be drawn here. firstly, it shows that no matter how obviously something isn't dangerous, customs are checking things that look like they might be, joking aside, which means they are doing their job. secondly, this is official endorsement of the class ways of posting toothpaste (in particular with love beads in it), so go and post a tube of toothpaste to someone today, make them happy. and finally, of course, my Dad has more of his love bead toothpaste to go and do whatever the hell it is he does with it.

if you are happy, angry, bored or indifferent to this tale, the best thing you can do right now as a response is to go and sign my petition to get The Stone Roses to do a Harry Nilsson cover. the link was in those words there, but here it is again for you. and indeed once more.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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