Saturday, February 13, 2016

last of the lovebead toothpaste (?)

hello there

well, here we are, look you see. well of course we are here, if not then you would not be able to read this to know that. when i say here we are, right, i don't mean here here, just here in a sort of symbolic, metaphorical state like sense of the word.

despite being assured, if not advised, by the manufacturer last year that toothpaste what has got love beads shoved in it was a thing of the past, look, see you what i found on the shelves recently.

yep, Tesco, the store that i normally think is quite smart except for the parts where they charge more than the others do and their staff are prone to being insolent, had some of this supposedly no longer exists toothpaste on the shelf.

if you are quite new to this party and have no idea why toothpaste of any nature, let alone toothpaste what has had lovebeads shoved in it, makes for compelling reading, it's all down to my Dad. this toothpaste, for him, is like totes the best thing like ever. which makes it rather disappointing - and very much my problem - that even when the maker claimed to make and sell it and actually did, it was a rare and difficult commodity to find.

was i happy to find some of this toothpaste on the shelf? absolutely. it would be all too easy for me to say how for four years posting this stuff to New Zealand has left a hole in my finances, but it is a hole that i would have found another way to create. considering all that he has done for me over the years, buying a few tubes of toothpaste as and when i can find them and posting them off to the bottom of the world is a formality and something i'm delighted to do. yeah, sure, it would be nicer if Royal Mail didn't charge quite so much for this distinct honour, but there you go.

let it not be said that i do not appreciate you, the reader who is here reading this despite having no interest at all in toothpaste, either with or without lovebeads shoved in it. for you, then, here is a glimpse of my most splendid washing machine on the go, and a look at just how many creamy bubbles vanish gold makes.

why do i have vanish gold in the washing machine? William. i would not say that our clothes are ever so soiled that they actually require the miracle of vanish gold to be applied to them pre-wash. William, however, saw an advert on the television for vanish gold, saw that it was amazing and has nagged me to buy some to use. i gave in, in the hope of a quiet life.

vanish gold, i will have you know, on a weight to weight basis, costs more than actual gold does. probably. this is the one and only bottle of the stuff i am buying, then. if in the future our clothes become exceptionally soiled i shall just throw them out and buy more; this will be cheaper than using vanish gold.

but anyway, back to toothpaste. here's a look at the selling points of toothpaste what has had lovebeads shoved in it, and a look at those selling points sideways no less, for yet again apple and blogger disagree in a most profound way about picture rotation.

i'll be honest with you here - whilst i have never dared to try toothpaste with lovebeads shoved in it, to me that sounds like pretty much what you would expect any sort of toothpaste to do. for what exactly it is that makes this lovebead toothpaste so special, then, let me quote directly from the man himself, the world's leading connoisseur on  toothpaste with lovebeads shoved in, my Dad :

Thank you so much... I finished the last one on New Years Day and have been meaning to send you a photo of the flattened tube... It's still on my desk. Also I have been doing a survey on how little toothpaste there is in the breath strips version.... the beads usually last 4 weeks whereas the strips barely make two weeks.... 

i would make some sort of comment about having a flat, empty tube of toothpaste on a desk, but as i look across my desk i see those stickers that are on CDs that you buy are all stuck to my desk. on the side of my printer, for a start, is the sticker that was on the 20th anniversary edition of The Stone Roses by The Stone Roses.

why have i never tried the lovebead toothpaste myself? sheer guilt, really. it has been something of a temptation to get a packet - when it was freely, albeit sparsely, available - to see what the fuss was. every tooth i would have brushed with it would have been a tooth which my father would not.

also, i don't know how it works wherever you happen to be in the world, but here in dear old England we like to be a little bit more sophisticated and refined than as to have the phrase "i use the same lovebeads what me Dad does" available to use in conversations.

a look at the other end of one of the boxes of toothpaste with lovebeads shoved in it? sure. i was hoping that by this point in time we would have a picture of the three tubes i sent to New Zealand, but not to be as such as yet. this packet, then, is the last one that i had, and as we shall see i posted it today.

that's a good bit of jazzy, snazzy writing, that is. although one would suspect that mentioning the lovebeads are dissolvable strikes me as being somewhat superfluous. if they did not dissolve, after all, just how many of them would you be able to shove in your mouth at once?

anyway, off on my way i went today to post this tube, along with another item which is not your concern, to my Dad. here if for some reason you want to see such a thing is a selfie thing i took as i walked off towards the representatives of Royal Mail to send it.

what's that, it looks bleak, does it? me, yes, the weather also. we have had a day where the sky is grey and the iced wind giving a frosty, crisp (hello, Faye) feel to the skin. sporadic showers came down upon me as i walked, and every now and then the rain of those showers gave way to the slightest hint of transformation into sleet or snow. but onwards i marched, making it and proudly paying just ever so slightly north of £5 to post the parcel what i had made that had lovebead toothpaste as a most integral part of it.

wouldn't you know an email has just landed off of Dad with the images of the lovebead toothpaste in New Zealand. i will post them for you just now, but here as an apology for having to look at the above picture of moi is a video of the washing machine doing its thing with vanish gold in it.

do i consider colgate to be complete, utter and total b@stards for stopping making toothpaste that has lovebeads in it? yes, i very much do. damn them. my Dad really, really likes it, and it says it all about the prejudice at colgate that my coins of money are not enough to see them keep on producing this presumably magnificent style of toothpaste.

here's what the colgate shelf at Tesco looks like now; so many to choose from, not a single one of them has a lovebead anywhere near them. 

i should rightly write something poignant and profound here, lamenting that this is the end of the road for me buying lovebead toothpaste and posting it along the path James Cook carved across the world. somehow, methinks, this is not going to be the case. colgate have been shown in a light which casts a shadow of distrust; they seem not to know what they make or sell. i have hope if not confidence that i shall one day again buy more and post it.

let me get on with the lovebead toothpaste gallery blog post, then.

UPDATE : gallery of lovebead toothpaste in New Zealand can be found here.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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