Wednesday, February 03, 2016

another new official portrait picture

hello there

this, look you see, is the very great danger which dawns as and when i make that once in a generation decision to actually do something with my hair. in fretting over the concept i have given the style of my hair i have created a vortex like area of despair in which i am deeply troubled about if my official portrait picture evokes and inspires the right kind of thinking.

compounding this problem somewhat is the fact that i am, of course, sadly no longer a beneficiary of the services of my personal photographer, Trigger. the budget simply did not allow for me to bring him with me when i moved home, and there is no chance whatsoever of me appointing a new one. for the position of my official photographer it is Trigger or it is no one.

anyway, here you go - this is what i am confident in saying that i think might possibly be my official new portrait picture, at least for a day or so.

i quite like it, i sort of projects kind of exactly what i want my official portrait to, except only that it does not really do that, i suppose.

a question i am frequently not, under any rational circumstances, asked is how would i set about impressing a financial institution or concern if i were twenty years younger or twenty years older than i am at the time when i am not asked this question. to that i would say in the younger capacity i would not attempt to impress my trustworthy nature with finance by drawing attention to what an awesome - yet second placed - gambler i am, and in the case of the older i would like to think i probably would not blatantly and brashly steal their calculator just after knacking one of their differential engines. 

perhaps this next version with scan lines is a better one.

it's a bit difficult to tell which, if either, of these would do the job. i mean, i have taken somewhere over 100 today just to try and get that right one official portrait picture, and so far i have narrowed it down to these two. perhaps i will just alternate between these two on a thirty minute basis.

i understand that for a great many of you having two pictures in a row of me is a deeply upsetting and troubling thing, so here you go - to make amends here is a picture of the 75% of my family that you all, wisely, like a good deal more than you like me.

what is it that they are all up to in that picture? making some sort of peasant farmer bread, i believe. the reasons for doing this are somewhere far beyond my understanding, for we (well, they) are not peasants, we are not farmers and we have access to several reputable retailers that sell bread - and we for the most part have the coins of money funding to purchase such bread.

if you are wondering for what reason it is that i feel a need to have an official portrait picture, mostly i would say you are in most desperate need of better things to wonder about. if you were to press or insist on an answer, it would be that i feel i need one "just in case", i suppose.

what's that picture of? it is, as you might be able to make out, the massively expanded sex shelf at the Pound Land in Coulby Newham. they most decidedly do not do this sort of thing at the branch in town, i can tell you. whilst before they just sold prophylactics for the gentry too embarrassed to ask their barber for them, now they also sell, from left to right, some tester kit that tells you if you are ovulating (presumably for the ladies), a "purple bullet" priapic looking device for bodily intrusions, a "vibrating ring" which one presumably one wears in a private place during private moments and some "sensual" lubricant, the kind of stuff which Spiros reckons is "just plain cheating".

i have no idea if this expanded range of sexual health items are to be a permanent feature of Pound Land or if it is the case that they've just jazzed the section up a bit ahead, or in anticipation, of Valentine's Day. i suppose if one were to go past the store next month then they would know.

anyway, let me go away now and fret over my profile picture some more. perhaps i should run one of them through Google, as i did a few times last year, so that the search engine can tell me who it is that they think that i look like. other than, totes obvs, the given answer to that of "a twat".

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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