Sunday, August 10, 2014

bags, the king, barbs and farms

hi there

apologies for the delays in new material here, etc.........

oddly, i have a few things, if not several, to post here, but time is not always, alas, with me or available to devote to doing this. sorry for that, i keep trying to do my best for you rather curious bunch who frequently, erm, frequent here to see what's new and, indeed, what's going down.

i would suggest that the majority of what you will learn here, in terms of what is going down, is in the title of the post. however, should you want more details, here they are.

when i say bags i pretty much mean "bag", only this bag came inside a bag, so i suppose that the use of bags is correct. except that i am only showing pictures of the one bag.

yes. for those of you who know my (considerably) better half very little other text will be needed here.

if that looks like a purple and black bag in the form of a coffin, well, that's what it is, to be honest. they only had the one in the shop that we went passed, right, and the price was reasonable (when calculated in the price of English cigarettes), so it duly got purchased.

it probably would have been bought if it was an unreasonable price, to be honest. it was an extra special day yesterday; one of those occasions in which it is appropriate, indeed in some circles expected, for i to treat, indeed indulge, my (considerably) better half a bit, and so i did. and probably won't stop moaning, whining and crying about the price for a while, but no matter, you can simply ignore me and look at the bag. which, i suspect, many of you are doing instead of reading this.

moving away from the wonder of bags for the moment, last night - as i am prone to do - i was watching Bullseye. when it finished, i simply could not be bothered to change channel, and so ended up watching an episode of that Stars In Their Eyes thing. this is a lady that, apparently, is a dead ringer, or if you like doppelgänger, for Barbs.

she did Woman In Love and, in fairness, did it reasonably well. not, of course, in the same style as i do it when i scream along to it when i have it on in the car, but that's not to say her interpretation was any better or worse than mine. also, she didn't do it exactly like Barbs does it, but that is wise. if Barbs people found out about it, i dare say some legal nonsense would crop up about it and put a stop to it.

meanwhile, a common complaint today is that there is a lack of genuinely talented people working in television. this is partially true, to the extent that with so many channels on the go more people, presenters and "stars" of shows are required. that said, watching Stars In Their Eyes last night reminded me that we once made Leslie Crowther famous, so it's not like it was all brilliant back when we only had four (4) channels.

now, then, what would you do if you had - and it is suggested quite by accident - shot someone four times and then - perhaps not quite so much by accident - were on trial for it? possibly go and have a few drinks and that, no doubt, on the off chance that you were to find yourself heading to prison for a bit.

this is the approach taken, it seems, by that great enemy of bathroom doors everywhere.

i think i might have opted to take a low profile approach to life, to be honest, but then again there's limited chance of me ever holding a firearm, let alone using it with enthusiasm on a bathroom door.

my mate Spiros, who will feature here just now, reckons that no less a person than Darren Scott arranged it for Oscar to go out for a few drinks. apparently he saw online, or whatever you call being on the internet these days, that Darren was involved in whatever Oscar was doing in clubs and the subsequent punch up, but his involvement was kept quiet. i doubt it, as Darren strikes me more as a stay at home chap that a clubber, but you never know. also, i find it hard to believe that someone of the class and reputation of Daz would associate with Oscar.

but Spiros read it on the internet, so it might/must be true. 

it sounds, however, like we will be getting to hear of little else but all of that in a month or so from now, so let us return to the magic of the bag that i invested in.

quite a smart one, as you can see.

well, it is smart as far as i can see, and indeed my (considerably) better half, for that matter. you may not like it at all, which is fine and fair enough.

for what practical use or purpose did we get this bag? none whatsoever, really, or if you like, none at all. it just looked far too smart not to get.

i suppose we could go to one of them "goth" things with it, which is what i expect they wear at them sort of events. they probably use them to carry all sorts of "goth" stuff around in, whatever goth things are. candles, probably, and maybe the odd book or two about goth related stuff.

what would i wear or take with me to one of them "goth" things? no idea. probably black jeans and maybe a black shirt. i have that rather smart Lambretta shirt which is black, but seldom get to wear.

yes, there is a lot of waffle next to this picture for you, i am just filling up the space to justify the rather large picture so you can get a decent look at the bag. if you are wondering where we got it, or where you can get one, well we got this one in Whitby. i would imagine there are all sorts of places online or around a town near you that would sell similar ones.

away, for now, from the bag, then, and here is a postcard i recently picked up. well, yes, it's not the actual postcard as such, but a picture that i scanned of it. 

we have every reason to suspect that the gent driving the tractor in the above is someone that some of us know rather well. we don't know this as some sort of confirmed fact, but we have every reason to believe it is he. nice one if it is, but the truth doesn't matter so much, we are pretty sure that it is and that's good enough.

speaking of gents, in a sense, Spiros. of his many passions, two things that Spiros is very enthusiastic about are things that are hot and spicy and, if you will excuse the language, damage to his own arse. i have, as soon as i have worked out how to post it to him, been able to combine these two things.

they look lethal, and things that i am not going to eat, believe you me, look you see. one of them has on the sticker that you should not eat alone, in case you need medical assistance to be summoned to you. best of luck to Spiros, then, as and when these land. a friend of mine, whose wisdom and intelligence i have trusted for over 30 years, suggests that this stuff "really makes your arse cave in". that does not sound like a preferable set of circumstances to put yourself in, but Spiros is a mate. if he wants to do that to himself, then i am happy to be an enabler.

oh look, those bottles have "goth" on them. perhaps that is the stuff you put in bags and take to them "goth" events, then?

if my (considerably) better half got a bag, what did i get? some lighters, as point of fact. two, to be precise, and both featuring The King, Elvis Presley. as you can see, one features Him before he discovered how class cheeseburgers are, and one features Him very much after he discovered how class cheeseburgers are.

yeah, OK, these may not be as glamorous or as exciting as the fancy bag my (considerably) better half got, but they keep me amused. they also enable me to successfully fail with all that quitting / cutting down considerably business in respect of cigarettes. using these to fail in that regard, however, will mean that i am actually winning, in the non-Charlie Sheen sense, as for some reason i equate using a lighter with The King, Elvis Presley on it as enhancing the quality of it.

i suspect, however, that you are slightly more interested in another look at the bag than you are in learning of my class lighters featuring The King, Elvis Presley. here you go, then, the inside.

yes, it's all a sort of purple thing inside, with a zippable pouch or purse thing in it. presumably that's for putting goth items in, or goth money even. no, i don't know all that much about the goth industry, but i suspect you've kind of worked that out by now.

meanwhile, let's take a brief moment to applaud the scientific discovery a quasi-tramp has made in relation to Tizer. i had no idea, when combined with certain other items, that it had such high medicinal properties.

a number of my friends, weirdly, have intricate and unusual relations with tramps at this present moment in time. i could ask them to ask their tramp associates to comment on the veracity of this article, but it might upset them, or at least one certainly in particular. probably just safe to assume that the above is true, and the fact that this story appeared in the Sunday Sport should not be regarded as a means by which the validity of it is undermined.

Barbs? Barbs. except not Barbs, that lass off the tele.

i don't think she won it, but i am not sure - there is only so much Leslie Crowther i will tolerate before i change the channel. it was some other twat with a beard that hosted it, as far as i can remember. Matthew something, i think.

anyway, proper-ish updates soon. not that the bag here was not proper, of course. and indeed is proper, or whatever, you know what i mean.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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