Sunday, August 24, 2014


hello there

well, for a start, i wanted to call this post "pants". the child of the condiment phoenix, an individual who proclaims to be one of those so-called "experts" on linguistic matters, reckons that pants rather refer to underwear than trousers. i disagree, hence this introduction, but for the sake of a lack of upsetting anyone, strides it is. yes, i appreciate that strides is a very Australian term for trousers, but if the child of the condiment phoenix is going to get all Australian about it, i have little choice.

if the tone above says to you that this is to be one of them moaning and groaning posts, then what you have heard is quite correct. i am battling, dear reader, to get some new pan....strides that i am happy with.

here is the tag off of the pair of strides that i consider to be the single greatest ever pair that i have worn. they are so smart, right, that if someone wrote a letter to someone about them, the father (or other such guardian) of the recipient of the letter would take it around the village of where the recipient lived, showing it off, commenting on what a splendid and magnificent letter it is.

i harbour no such wish or illusion of the latter stages of the above paragraph happening. what i would love, however, is to find more pairs like this. my current strides, look you see, are coming to the end of their natural lifespan, and i need to replace them, as walking around the streets in just my class new Rocky boxers will probably attract more attention from the law than i particularly crave. also, "winter is coming" as some sort of show about wizards and dragons and that keeps saying. or it did, before all the people who say that got their heads cut off or something.

why have i posted the tag? a desperate plea. i just cannot find these, or similar, here in England. even the shops which cater for sizes that are ideal for the overall largeness of the arse of your humble narrator, i just cannot find splendid pairs.

for the most part, right, it seems that strides here means one thing, and one thing only - polyester. there is, it seems, an obsession and demand for polyester strides in England that i consider to be unhealthy and unnatural. i really dislike pure polyester pan....strides, even though they are shiny. it feels like one is walking around wrapped in cling film, which is ideal for the more esoteric elements of adult film, but impractical for day to day wear, in my view.

in exploring non-polyester options for strides, i have so far found these, but am unsure as to whether or not my budget will stretch to getting them.

£7,000 (seven thousand) does seem to me to be quite a steep price to pay for what is effectively reformed and reimagined cow, and far too high a price to pay for something which, in effect, will make the wearer look like a complete and utter dick.

i am guessing it is, despite my dislike of one of these elements, the 60% cotton, 40% polyester mix in these strides that i like so much as being integral to why they are so class. i am, then, looking for strides of a similar blend, but to no avail. some are listed as 100% cotton, which might work, but for the most part the strides makers of England believe 100% polyester is the way to go.

my (considerably) better half is also somewhat baffled by the obsession with polyester here, although she isn't. she, in her infinite wisdom, reckons that polyester is so popular because the shiny ways of it make it, to a degree, waterproof, if not water resistant, and that is a very handy quality to have here.

i do not doubt the wisdom or validity of her words in this regard, but i have a different view. i think it's all polyester because the people who make strides here are being total b@stards about it, right, and are forcing people to have no choice but to wear polyester. we are, in the eyes of the makers of strides, no more than confined battery chickens. those chickens eat whatever the brutal farmers force them to eat, and thus pant manufacturers take a similar approach, believing that if all they give us is polyester, then polyester is what we shall wear. this makes me angry and upset, for sure, but also mostly it means that i cannot get the strides i want. perhaps i should simply go to Bangladesh, wherever the hell that is, to just get some from the point of origin of the ones i like so much.

more fool me too, i suppose, for insisting on wearing clean pants/strides. Spiros only has one pair of strides at any time. he seldom strips of them, usually just wearing them until they are in a soiled enough condition to throw in someone's garden, after which he acquires a new pair off a tramp or other such vagrant. i am unaware of how he feels when he happens upon a polyester pair; i suspect he is not too fussed.

right, let me look around online for some new strides, then. thank you very much indeed for tolerating my moans and groans on the subject.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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