Monday, December 16, 2013

selfies by candlelight

hi there

ok, there are some really pedantic people prowling the internet, so let me clarify something. when i say "selfies by candlelight" do not mean candlelight.

candlelight is just a generic term for any source of light, be it a torch, the sun or some sort of massive explosion. i know that dictionaries around the world say different, but please bear with Mookie for he is very busy and will fix it as soon as he can.

and yes, strictly speaking, the above picture is not a selfie, for it is my (considerably) better half, apparently rather pleased to be about to hack me up with some sort of implement. so when i say "selfies by candlelight" i mean that the idea of the title "selfies by candlelight" is quite class and i wanted to use it.

i have a most pressing need to make myself look, if not better, then passportishlike. i am not going to show you what passportishlike looks like here, of course, as that may well upset the authorities. however, i can assure you it looks next to nothing like this first picture below.

blimey. i at the best of time avoid mirrors, but even in the odd glance by accident i had no idea that my hair had gone quite so wild. time to get it hacked off then, with the greatest of thanks to my (considerably) better half for doing it, although she will probably get quite cross at me saying that she is hacking it off.

my apologies to some of you for what could be seen as an excessive display of skin from myself in some of these selfies, like the above. a number of my chums, however, will probably be quite excited to see so much flesh. here i am thinking of Spiros, Martin and Payney, but mostly Spiros. he likes what he calls uninhibited men, which might be this pose here.

the great danger of having a haircut done here is, of course, the electricity could just go off at any given moment. without any warning and without any way of discovering why, never mind when it will be back on. so you could end up with a mere fraction of a haircut and be left looking like a right tit. or even more of a tit than usual, if you like.

could or will i ever get used to a life where one does not refill flasks every second night, for fear of power blackouts? i am not sure, but i do look forward to finding out. i hope all the people of this country one day live without that fear.

this next picture i, for some reason, find mildly amusing. no idea why.

and here i am with mostly just a moustache. a number of people think i should ditch the beard and keep the moustache, but i am not so sure. it looks and sounds like a lot of effort, really.

it would make things complicated for Simon Le Bloody Bon in his efforts to copy my look, i suppose, which would be a bonus. but why must i put myself out just to stop Bon Bon from copying my look? he would just turn up at some fashion awards with a moustache anyway, probably with Nick and John, saying "hey everyone, i have just invented the moustache look. it is mine and i did not copy it from some small time, overweight, out of date blogger, honest" and the people people would believe him so long as he remained Simon and kept doing Simon things.

except maybe for the boat sinking stuff.

nearly done, if you have read this far you may well be pleased to learn.

sorry about all the text, really. as Barack, "Dave" and whoever it is in charge of Norway or Denmark or whatever (same thing) will tell you, the selfie should speak for itself. or journalists should write about what it means.

so yeah, last one then!

is this look passportishlike? not sure to be honest, may have to have a gander and then tackle things with one of them razors. well, when i say things, i mean facial hair.

i can't shave it all off, though. when Payney sees me with my head and beard all shaved off, he expects me to wear some sort of black cloth and quote TS Eliot whilst he prances around with an enormous blade on the end of a stick, intent on making some sort of sacrifice of me. which, in fairness, a lot of people probably like the sound of.

i hope to bring you more selfies by candlelight in the not too distant future.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Post a Comment