Friday, May 27, 2016

surprisingly effective

'ello 'ello 'ello

it is not entirely outside of the realms of reason, look you see, that some of you who are abroad in the sense that home for you is not where it is for i, believe that my references to the English way of doing things are something of an obvious exaggeration. i can, having seen how it works in several corners of the world, entirely understand why this is the case. could it really be true, in this time when our world feels like it is becoming ever more encased in darkness, that a place exists which remains so steadfastly quaint that civility is the order of the day? yes. yes it is.

to make the story i am to share with you all the more comprehensible i felt a visual aid was necessary to stimulate the impact of it and your understanding thereafter. forgive me, dear reader, for the only actor or model available was myself. so you'll have to look at me.

i would be quite certain that any number of you have all sorts of fabulous and wonderful ideas about what i might be projecting, or if you like portraying, in the above photographic modelling shoot. what i am actually showing, however, is quite  a profound sense of resigned shock and despair at a text message i have received. further, in this role play - and i am quite keen to stress the fiction of the work - it is specifically a text message from the constabulary, requesting that i hand myself in at the nearest police station.

for what reason am i doing this? because such a thing is now happening. no, not to me, but the scoundrels, rapscallions and  general bad eggs of our society who have done wrong. Sussex Police have taken to sending text messages to known villains, advising them that the constabulary are aware that they have done wrong, that they should consider to have had their collars felt, and they should - with humility, dignity and a sense of shame - hand themselves over at the local lock up.

it's not so much that this action in itself is a lovely illustration of the English way of doing things as such. rather, it is the case that this newspaper report indicates that the approach has been "surprisingly effective"

yes, quite, i am pretty much thinking what you are at this stage.

off the top of my head, i am thinking that my dear friends and family in South Africa are possibly in need of new underwear right now, for theirs is presently soiled as an unfortunate side effect of the mirth caused by this. not mirth from laughing at it, perhaps, but that sorrowful laugh you do when you learn of something and so deeply wish that their own world worked in the same way. for them, i wish it were so too.

i am aware of the fact that something similar exists to this in America, although rather more involved. in America a well known "sting" operation is to send letters to the last known address of a suspect or otherwise wanted criminal and advise them that they have won tickets to an event - perhaps a baseball match, or some other similar pastime. greed invariably gets in the way of them thinking about whether they had actually entered a contest and so, despite this sting operation being rather well known, off they go to the event only to find the American equivalent of the constabulary (peace officers, i believe) waiting for them.

i, as a general rule, tend not to consort with the criminal underbelly of society, and nor do i - to the best of my knowledge - have any outstanding warrants against my name. with that being the case it is unlikely that i would ever receive such a text message. what would i do if i did? the world traveller side of me would wish to simply delete it and get on with my life. the English me, however, would select an appropriate suit, wear it, head down to the local station, hand myself in and apologise profusely to the Peelers for any inconvenience i had caused.

oh, to live in a world where this sort of thing happened and no one found it funny because it all seemed like a perfectly reasonable way to go about life.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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