Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Spiros and the fuses

hello there

well, good news for those of you who have been quite eager to read all about this one. it is with delight that i can confirm that Spiros has taken receipt of the parcel i prepared for him and posted earlier in the week. with no risk at all now existing of spoiling the surprise i am free to present you the details.

ladies and gentlemen, dear valued readers, please behold - in stunning blueberry phone camera quality - the packet of fuses that i purchased and posted to Spiros.



yes, that's right. four of them. i saw no point at all in messing about or sparing any sort of expense with Spiros. sure, it might have been cheaper to send one or two, or none at all, but he's a good mate and that. i would not wanted to have my chum feel short changed or cheeked by getting any less that four fuses in the post.

credit again, of course, to Royal Mail for the prompt, assured and certain delivery work they provided. it would not have been possible to send Spiros these fuses if it were not for their services.


why send any, let alone four, fuses to Spiros or anyone else via the post? well, why not?

fuses are useful. you can, for instance, put them in plugs to ensure that electrical stuff works. and on top of that, there is, of course, all the other uses one has for a fuse. hundreds, maybe even thousands.

in one edition of Viz, 8 Ace got a bag of fuses for his kids. i seem to recall it was as a Christmas present for them. Spiros has kids, so maybe he can give them to them for Christmas.

these are, of course, not just any fuses. oh no. and i am not talking about the fact that they are top of the range, state of the art 13 Amp ones either - none of your la-de-dah 3 Amp or nancy boy 5 Amp ones for Spiros. no, you see, these fuses are extra special because they were made in Yorkshire. i need hardly say more on that front, ladies and gentlemen, but for those of you who have a life, to be fair, that is shrouded perhaps more in misinformation and innocence than it is of ignorance, anything made or from Yorkshire is, as established fact, far superior to anything from anywhere else in the world. do we take pride in this? of course, but not in a flashy or show off sense. we just accept that this is the way that it is and get on with stuff.

for those with a particular, perhaps peculiar, interest in where exactly in Yorkshire these fuses were made, look you see, here you go.



thank me not for the above. that is the work of that google maps thing, and came about via the miracle of the "print screen" button, the magic of MS Paint and its fascinating "paste" facility, and of course the fuse maker who was so kind as to put their address on the packaging.

such are the dynamics of the modern world that, as i was preparing and posting these fuses and Spiros was no doubt under a bush, consuming White Ace and meths and making a disgrace of himself in his pants, a mutual friend in another corner of the world was at some sort of event and took this picture.



the chap on the end in the suit is, of course, Gareth Cliff. his incredible and astonishing skills at taking virtually new, original and somewhat partially obscure material and making it seem as if it was all his own has impressed several people in certain provincial locations. i have no idea who the others are. the one in the middle might be one of them ladyboy things, and the chap with glasses trying to look like an intellectual is possibly the "African Gok Wan" or something.

anyway, back to the fuses. i, as you would expect, dear reader, composed a letter to go with the parcel of fuses to send to Spiros. i used the pink ink pen i picked up recently, for Spiros likes such attention to detail as a pink ink pen being used.



what was the content of the letter? private and confidential, i will have you know. if i wanted you and everyone else to know the details of it, i would have simply sent it to Apple.



this is Pete Beale, also known as "horny" Pete Beale, out of EastEnders. i don't know if he is still in it or not. i do know, however, that he is some sort of quasi-role model for Spiros. that's why, mostly, other than the life of meths, soiled pants and the hedges of Tooting, Spiros lives down in London, or wherever. because Pete Beale does.

it might be the case that Spiros actually just sells the fuses. recently Spiros and i have been discussing, perhaps reminiscing, about a shared place of verk and the magic of Larry. Larry took to the internal junk mail system with some gusto, advertising everything from playing cards and batteries to crow bars and, well, that was it really. he always sold them for an indiscriminate, lowly fee, and if you ever made the mistake of offering an even lower amount he accepted it and pestered you until you went to him, paid him and collected whatever sh!t you unwisely lowballed him on. i think Spiros might have bought some batteries at some point.

what happened to Larry? not sure, really. maybe he expanded on his vision of using the internet to sell sh!t and formed ebay or something. as a tribute, Spiros might go ahead and list these fuses on ebay, or that Craiglist thing. or whatever it is called, that one where all the funny sex cases go to post strange messages.

in returning to getting these fuses to Spiros, for purposes of use that now only Spiros is aware of and will decide on, here is the stamp that i used on the package.



yes, it is a 2nd class one and indeed it is for large items. these fuses are not particularly large - rather conventional in size, if we are honest - but i suspected their shape and the way they bulged might have seen Royal Mail rather favour a large stamp being placed on the packet rather than a regular one.

i know i have mentioned this before, but i would love it if Royal Mail set up a 3rd or 4th class postage stamp system. one by which they pledged to deliver the letter "whenever we get around to it, if at all". that would allow the people of the UK to experience the magic of how post "works" in SA, and would allow me the chance to show Spiros exactly what i think of him and how much i value him in respect of postal costs.

i seem to have fleeting moments of an empathic nature these days. was going to write something, but never mind, here is 90s cinema according to HMV.



yeah, that's the special thing in which i scored that Alpha Papa box set thing from the last post, or maybe the post before.

this story is, then, nearly at an end. will this story end without revealing what Spiros did with the fuses? yes, indeed it will. that will be his tale to tell one day. my story was merely in getting the fuses to him.

here, then, is the letterbox where i posted the fuses to Spiros. yes, i agree, it does look a lot like that thing that Doctor Who fella flies around in in Star Trek. except this is red and not blue, obs. and it is round, rather than squareishly rectangular. good point, why are letter boxes round? are letters not normally square, rectangular things? Spiros is dead good at that feng shui stuff and probably gets quite angry at letterboxes for the levels of dead space they harbour.




right then, that will do. for those who have been waiting 3 or so days for this particular post, well, i hope it was well worth the wait.

more adventures "soon".



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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