Tuesday, October 02, 2012

Noel Gallagher - cock on a roll.....

hi there

it was a couple of weeks ago that i was in the canteen at verk when it happened. i was ordering lunch (possibly stir fry, perhaps chicken) and as usual they had one of the music channels on the go. what should come on but Don't Look Back In Anger by Oasis. before i knew it, i was (if i may call it such) singing "and SOOOOOOOO SALLY CAN WAIT" rather loud. i attracted a decent audience, i must say. not Oasis size, but large enough.

great songs remain great songs, even when the writers of them either change the story of the song or when they decide to go a bit off the rails with the remainder of their career. indeed, in the case of this song and the writer, even when both happen.



when the celebrated (What's The Story) Morning Glory album came out, Noel Gallagher did a track by track commentary for a magazine - Select, perhaps, or possibly NME. the story behind Don't Look Back In Anger was an amazing, classic rock story. the tale was that Noel got in a taxi and the driver recognized him. "we're not going anywhere, mate", the taxi driver told him, "until you write a note to my daughter saying sorry.".

sorry for what? well, Noel being Noel, he'd given an interview in which he said he "couldn't imagine Oasis making more than 2 or 3 albums before splitting up". the taxi driver's daughter was heartbroken by this, and cried at least one night away over it. the name of the taxi drivers' daughter? Sally. the jist of what the taxi driver told him to write? something about not putting your life in the hands of a rock and roll band. sound familiar?

for some reason that story only ever appeared once, with Noel on all other instances of being asked simply saying "it is about **** all". i really wish i had kept that article.



why would i bring this up now, you might be asking. well, really it's because i am sick and tired of seeing Noel Gallagher make a total cock of himself. some of you, of course, believe he does that just by being there, but some of us really, really liked him. as much or even more than Liam, really, if one lives in a world where one takes sides on such matters. sadly, though, Noel's quest to be considered an "elder statesman of rock" by feeding the press, in particular the NME, with musings that are both choice and outlandish, seem to be making him sound an awful lot more dick-like than i suspect he wishes.

apologies if this comes across as a whine or a rant. if it does and you don't like it, well simply stop reading. further apologies if this at points comes across as a bizarre defence of Liam Gallagher. that's not the intention, and Liam is on that list of people who needs no one to defend him, thanks. sadly, though, Noel's limited scope in the world these days seems to revolve around having a go at Liam. hard to not sound defensive when knocking back his comments.

using Noel's on words (or those credited to him), here's a look at some of the nonsense he is spewing at the moment.

"I buy NME when Liam's on the front so I can read him slagging me off"

charming. Liam Gallagher mouths off, certainly. about Noel? not as much as you would think. there was a certain level of justified slagging off when Noel quit the band minutes before a gig in Paris, leaving thousands of fans disappointed. yeah, Liam and Noel had been in a punch up. so what? many bands have a face smashing session and yet still manage to not let the fans down. infamously, the members of Frankie Goes To Hollywood got into a huge punch up before one of their final gigs, and all members of the band tend to agree that what came after was one of their best gigs ever.

Liam has, of course, slagged off Noel's solo album, refering to it at first as "high flying turds" but then mellowing it to "high flying smurfs". he perhaps has good reason too, for after all most of the songs on the album were ones rejected as not being good enough for Oasis. more on that later, though.




beyond that, Liam's been remarkably pleasant about his brother. he all too frequently comments that Noel is one of the best songwriters ever, and took the decision not to keep the name of his band, Oasis, as it wouldn't be right with Noel not there.

it is quite perplexing that Noel Gallagher does not seem to understand what slagging off actually is, for he spent most of his "solo comeback" press conference slagging off Liam. and when i say slagging off, Noel made certain comments about Liam and why some gigs were cancelled that were legally libellous, prompting Liam to consult his lawyers and announce plans to sue. the rather hasty, somewhat humiliating public apology for comments made issued by Noel suggests that his legal meeting did not go quite as well as he may have hoped.

Noel may also need reminding about, of the two Gallaghers in Oasis, which one was happy muck about down the pub with his mates and which one was keen to issue statements about members of Blur "catching (sic) AIDS and dying" when it comes to "slagging off". a clue would be that Liam was the one down the boozer.

"I don't want to make an album that's as bad as Be Here Now"

the third Oasis album was embraced on release as a masterpiece. this was purely because the band could do no wrong.

time has not been kind to it, however. it's over-bloated, over-produced and sound very much like the work of a band that no one would dare say "no" to, so formidable were their sales and success.



these days, what 15 or so years after it was released, it is all but impossible to listen to Be Here Now from start to finish. that said, three excellent tunes are on it - D'You Know What I Mean, Stand By Me and All Around The World. it is for me possibly the weakest album with the name Oasis on it, but by no means is it the worst album to feature Noel Gallagher.

is Noel now so insulated and surrounded by "yes" men that he's unaware he's delivered an album so bland and lacking interest that he has already made the album he claims to not want to? 

pretty much all Oasis fans went and bought High Flying Birds when it was released, despite the massive warning signs on the debut solo single. i will wager very few still play it today.



the only way in which High Flying Birds trumps Be Here Now is that it is mercifully shorter. other than that, it is full of bland, banal songs, with most of them being all too clear on why they were not considered good enough to be on any Oasis record.

High Flying Birds is in essence little more than a 21st Century version of Brothers In Arms by Dire Straits. when Mark Knopfler's monolith was released, it was "oh, if you have a CD player you must have this album, it was recorded digitally so makes the most of the new technology". which it did, whether you liked the album or not. an awful lot of goodwill for Noel meant people were going to buy this album, whether they liked what was on it or not.


"I'm sorry for ruining dance music"

Liam's made some ridiculous statements when he's had time, but nothing really as misguided as this. Noel Gallagher believes he is responsible for closing down the Hacienda in Manchester, amongst other clubs, by "making guitar music popular" again. apparently Noel thinks he killed the rave scene.

Quick quick on this. Raves were going on before, during and long after Oasis. sales of Nevermind and Suede, not to mention albums by Metallica and Guns N Roses, suggest that guitar music was very much "popular" before the dawn of Oasis. refer to the film 24 Hour Party People to see exactly why the Hacienda closed down.

this claim by Noel is almost as stupid as the time Al Gore claimed that he invented the internet, except Al Gore never looked like a dick by saying that.



"I wouldn't reform Oasis even if all the world's starving children depended on it"

trying to recapture the buzz and excitement of wishing people would 'catch' AIDS and die, are we Noel?

this quote stems from an off the cuff comment Liam made about how it "would have been nice to do a 20th anniversary tour of Definitely Maybe for the fans". Liam mentoned that once; Noel has been running around with a denial and refusal for over a year now. it's getting boring, man.

in short, then, Noel would not do a 20 minute stint with his old band for anything, in particular starving children. for this reason the likes of The Who and Led Zeppelin performed at Live Aid, and more recently Pink Floyd got together for the first time in over 20 years to play at Live 8. those three bands had parted ways for reasons a lot more manly than a broken guitar, yet they could put their differences aside for a good cause. those bands are the rock aristocracy Noel so desperatley craves to be spoken of in the same terms as. he may wish to review on good causes if he wishes to live that dream one day.

of course, he might reform Oasis if there was an awful lot of money to be made from it.


"Who are you anyway? I'm not dedicating f*** all to you freeloading b*******!"

those, ladies and gentlemen, are the words Noel Gallagher directed at a block of apartments near a concert he did in Belfast.as they had a view of the concert venue they got something of a free show. no other act who has played there has ever been recorded as objecting to this.

how much money is enough, Noel? his wealth from Oasis is estimated to be in the tens of millions, down to some shrewd investments apparently. to that i say best of luck - all rock stars should aim to be as successful as they can be and reap the rewards. there's nothing wrong with being rich, in particular if you have made your wealth from songs that have made millions if not billions happy.

berating a bunch of people who happen to live where you've decided to do a concert? what, did you want a special "Noel Gallagher tax" introduced on residents, then?

the mind boggles as to how his idols, the likes of John Lennon and so forth, would react to that. it's almost worth the risk of listening to a friend's copy of one of his albums and telling him about it, see if he swears at you too.



other than seemingly wish to tax the people of Belfast as and when he condescends to do a concert in Ireland, Noel has one other money making scheme in operation.


"Beady Eye have my permission to play my songs and they should do whatever they like. I say he should go around the world, do those songs and fill out the PRS forms." 

how nice of Noel. "yes, Liam should sing the songs that he always has and that people identify with him, so long as he gives me some money for doing so". PRS forms relate to royalties, by the way.

when Liam took Beady Eye on the road, it was Beady Eye songs only. 18 months on and he's doing one or two Oasis songs known for their ace Liam vocal. he feels that the Beady Eye songs stand in their own right now, and thus the band are comfortable doing a few from the past.

by contrast, Noel Gallagher took High Flying Birds out on the road and, on any given night, at least one half of the set comprised of Oasis numbers. you could argue "well, Noel wrote them". fair enough, this he did. but he also quit Oasis, didn't he? it's almost as if he knows that people only wish to see him to hear the Oasis numbers. who, after all, goes to see The Rolling Stones to hear anything they recorded after 1981?




that Noel has the audacity and nerve to refer to Beady Eye as "Stratford's finest Oasis tribute band" shows his lack of grasping of the facts. yeah, he wrote the majority of the songs, but it was Liam's band that he joined. it was also the band he left and supposedly moved on from. Liam's managed to do so comfortably, Noel not so much.

this was written, much like the post i did a while ago on Axl Rose "banning" Slash t-shirts at his gigs, because it's not the way i want to see things work in the world. Noel's a fantastic guitarist and songwriter, and his singing is not all that bad. he shouldn't be slumming it with this unimaginative High Flying Birds album and he certainly shouldn't be trying to gain credibility from bad mouthing Liam and making preposterous claims.

Liam's having the time of his life right now, following The Stone Roses wherever they go and watching Manchester City as often as he can. how tragic that Noel can apparently do nothing better with his days than sit around and think of stupid things to say to an all too eager music press.

if Noel carries on like this, i suspect he may find there's not going to be all that much of an audience for him as and when he decides on a second album. who knows if he even has enough rejected Oasis songs left to do a second?


don't look back in anger...............................


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