Friday, June 14, 2013

warning signs

hi there

OK, and first off an admission for those of you reading this that have seen some, if not all, of the pictures below. they have been floating around the internet, or if you will net of inters, for some time now. i think they turn into something called a "meme" or similar.

i post them here, or "reshare" them on this fine net of inters for my own amusement, and i certainly hope for yours too. full on credit and what have you for whoever first introduced these to the entire world!

first up, and as we approach days where we are closer to the end of our lives than we are to the start of it, some of us give up things that were ace in our youth. trying new music, perhaps, or the books that we read. sometimes the things we do for fun early on in life are just beyond us as the years pass by.

not the case, it seems, for this lady. not the case at all.

i suspect i know one or two (dozen) people who will in their twilight years have pictures of them taken looking pretty much like the above, except in those pictures the bong will be performing its function. kindly note that i did not specifically name John Payne in this regard.

i am not sure, going on the title i have given the above, that the above carries any warning sign of anything at all. the below picture certainly does.

you probably know someone, possibly a lady, that really, really likes cats. you may know of such a lady that would either like, want or perhaps even need a new coat. in a spur of the moment thing, you may see something that combines those two elements in a shop and proceed with what you think is an excellent transaction. it is, as you can see below, not.

oh dear! what might look OK and even seen kind of cute in a store looks horrid on a practical lady. that's the nightmare jacket of 101 Dalmations right there for you! i can only assume the lady in question really liked, or possibly totally hated, cats to go out wearing it!

on the subject of animal based clothing, here's a big massive warning for you next. before you go out on a night, consider please if what you intend to do might leave a door open to you being detained or even arrested for doing it. once again, please note that i did not specifically name John Payne in regards of this kind of thinking.

if you come to a conclusion that "yes, arrest is a possibility in the light of my planned evening activities", then it might be jolly wise not to wear the cow outfit that evening.

i can only imagine he had a particularly intense amount of fun in the holding cell not long after the above was taken, in particular with those udders.

now then, take a look at the below.

an impressive amount of technology, isn't it? now consider this - all of the above, plus a television and plus a computer with internet access (effectively giving you both all known knowledge of the human race and all the porno ever made) is now part of a device not much bigger than a packet of cigarettes (although thinner than that) that's called a cellphone, or if you will a "smart phone". when you put it like that, the technological leap of the last decade or so has been nothing short of spectacular.

take a moment to consider how impressive the above is. the concept, not my writing. now take a moment to consider that no one thought to tell the dude below any of this.

that is very cool indeed, is it not? i like making mix tapes rather than relying on an iTwat device, but i have not ever thought to take the boom box / ghetto blaster with me. this chap should at least consider getting a walkman (yes, you can still buy them) at the least if he's not prepared to go the whole way and get one of them mp3 player things.

the chap should really unplug the headphones and let everyone in that canteen hear the vibes, mind.

and speaking of iTwats, this next one. the great Denis Leary called this one around 1996 or 1997 when he spoke of the demise of Dunkin' Donuts, populated then with what he vividly described as "haiku writing mother f*****s" sitting around eating finger sandwiches whilst writing poetry on computers.

we have all seen complete and utter dicks working on computers in coffee shops, restaurants and similar. perhaps the saddest, most tragic case i ever saw was someone working on a spreadsheet in a restaurant when it was clear his party of people were there to celebrate his son's birthday. blimey, fella, that is time you are never going to get back, but will one day find the time to regret what you did. a lot.

normally, the people who do this - let's for ease of reference just call them dicks - huddle over their laptop or "tablet" and get on with it. why they don't just get takeaway and carry on at home is beyond me. that would be particularly true of this bloke right here.

i mean, just what's that all about? i know a lot of people with those iTwat devices like to sit in public and show off the fact that they have spent a lot of money on a restrictive device with the logo of a bitten apple on it just in case anyone is impressed, but that's taking it a bit too far, isn't it?

going back slightly and considering takeaways, this is a rather impressive sight. yeah, yeah, we all know that fast food is bad for you. for some reason the people who devise the menus for fast food places are maniacs that thing everything should contain the upper maximum level of salt and that sort of thing. it tastes pretty good, though, and as thus far no one who has avoided fast food takeaways their whole life has turned out to be immortal, why not indulge every now and then?

that said, there are warning signs that your health is taking a knock from a fast food lifestyle one of those signs, for sure, is the inability to be able to stand in a queue to get fast food.

unless the chaps in front of her were taking an incredible amount of time deciding on exactly what they wanted from the vast range offered by Burger King, having to take a seat in a fast food queues should be telling you something. i at this stage in my life have never felt the need, for instance, to take a seat whilst i place an order at KFC. if nothing else, it would be disrespectful to The Colonel to do so.

a saucy or rude one to finish this all off with? certainly. in this world things often do not do what it sounds like they do. news reports, for instance, often refer to an actual miss in regards of two vehicles nearly colliding as a "near miss" when of course a "near miss" means "hit". another term that doesn't quite describe what it does is, of course, blow job.

as this lady here demonstrates with her go at one.

i am sure someone somewhere explained to her exactly what that term meant, but only after letting her work it out all by herself. or perhaps we are to assume that the person who took this picture was the rather optimistic gent who suggested a blow job to her in the first place. if that's the case, i bet she does not do another one, her gums must knack after that!

hopefully some of you have found these an entertaining diversion for a Friday!

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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