Sunday, September 20, 2015

bad internet

hello there

weekends would normally be, look you see, when i can really give it some billy-ho on the updates here. not, alas, this weekend. beyond the usual lack of interesting things to say and, indeed, some serious, heavy duty box shifting, we have these last 48 hours or so battled with really terrible internet. this would seem to be getting to be the norm, and i think it's the great strain placed on the internet in the UK by the many hundreds of thousands of people who do them less-than-legal "streaming" things of sporting events. i simply accept that sporting results shall be what they are whether i watch or not, but hey ho, some people like to view in the hope that they may sway the action.

increasingly,  have observed, our people of internet are getting crap. yeah, they may be the cheapest, and yeah they might be "totally unlimited", but that's not of much use if you can access it. still, let me battle on, and see if i can write something, although internet or not the problem of little of interest to say remains.

believe it or not, it's taken three restarts of this internet thing to get to here from the above paragraph, dear reader, and i see that the b@stard thing is now saying "unable to connect" yet again. i shall try to press on.

the above? some sort of flowers. a recurring, somewhat significant debit on his account has led Spiros to discover that he was buying them on a frequent basis. this has caused him some distress, but it has also given him what he considers to be a good idea.

when we, that is us non-Millennials, were growing up, we were given assurances that automation would be smart; that it would mean less working hours and more time to enjoy and appreciate life. the truth, alas, is that we all seem to be working harder, longer and for less. perhaps they just got everything mixed up and the wrong way around in the textbooks, hey ho.

there are, of course, still ways to make an awful lot of money and enjoy life. invent facebook, for instance, or invent a google. to this end, Spiros is going to "invent", as in borrow, an idea about getting people to pay north of £20 a week to have some rudimentary flowers delivered to them in rudimentary packaging with a slightly rudimentary verse thrown in.

leaving that idea aside for one moment, i could not but help notice this new "collectors series" magazine going on sale. yes, that's right, they have launched a series of magazines which allows you to collect "iconic" Zippo lighters.

as excited as i am about cigarettes apparently becoming socially acceptable once again (and, honestly, i think i would get less judgemental looks if i walked around dressed as Jimmy Savile humming Gary Glitter songs than i do when having a cigarette), i cannot but help think that maybe giving away fire ignition devices, ostensibly intended for but not limited to lighting cigarettes, might be somewhat irresponsible. and that's not really from the perspective that it would encourage people to smoke, but maybe it might just encourage people to test them out and burn stuff with. stuff that was probably not intended to be burned.

anyway, the smart idea of Spiros. it is the case, as it happens, that Spiros reckons he has access to an effectively limitless supply of flowers. other than him being quite wily in being able to grab loads of them off of all the fancy gardens they have open to the public in London, he says that on his travels he regularly sees dozens of bunches and bouquets irresponsibly abandoned by apparently recently damaged lampposts and barricades, as well as in the vicinity of kebab shop doorways which the constabulary has taped off. he reckons it would only be the work of a moment to gather then up and box them in cheap cardboard. in terms of the cardboard, he reckons that he can get as much as he likes off his mate that sleeps in a disused Blockbusters.

ha ha, the twats that do our internet have just had an ad on the tele, claiming that with them you can "internet your socks off". looking at the increasing frequency with which i am getting "unable to connect" messages, i think it's more the case that they are suggesting that, to pass time, you can sit and take your socks off and then put them back on again as you wait for the internet to come along. at this stage i am starting to think that doing this would be a far more effective and reliable way of connecting to the world outside.

it would be somewhat amiss, considering my fledging if not growing relationship with them through their hard to find cigarettes, if i did not congratulate the Japanese on their magnificent and entirely unexpected victory in all of that rugby stuff yesterday.

whereas surprise results in football are quite frequent, it's not really the case in rugby. more often than not there's a clear favourite, and rarely does the game turn against the form book. as distressed as my friends and family over in SA shall be about the result, i have to say what a formidable result and well done. best of luck for the rest of the tournament, and may you finish high up in the list of teams who didn't win as England march onwards to glory.

a bit of a flaw in the plan of Spiros is the composition of verse to include with the flowers. in his entirely original idea, which he borrowed off what he has been paying for in an oblivious way for some time now, he will include some inspirational words thrown together as a gesture of a poem.

Spiros, as a general rule, tends to be a good deal more forthright than he is an embracer of the ambiguities involved with getting away with a lot of existential, vague nonsense and claiming that it is "deep and meaningful poetry". i have offered to help him out in this regard, as i of course want my mate to do well with his entirely original idea that he has lifted off of someone else. the trick, alas, is that as a point of departure for prose, he has suggested i use words like "bum", "cider", "stabbing incident" and "f*****g rip off for flowers" as the spine of the statement he wishes to imbue within those fortunate enough to pay for his flowers. including all of these in a poem strikes me as quite a challenge, and that's even before i get close to working out how to rhyme them.

anyway, i am tired of battling this connection. let me see if it allows me to post this, and then i do believe i shall retire for the evening.

if Flowers By Spiros ever gets going, i have no doubt i shall get a box of them in the post. as and when that happens, i will almost certainly think of giving you an update.

hope you've all had a more reliable internet weekend than i!

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Post a Comment