Sunday, May 25, 2014

random advertising

hi there

a very much does what the title says blog post, this. just some random adverts that i have pilfered, borrowed, lifted and whatever else off the net. credit to whoever put them up and that, like, and i assume that spreading adverts is not something someone is going to get all picky and sooky about.

just posting them in the order what blogger wants to show you them, then, and that means starting off with a black and white advert for some full colour, semi-class action posters.

they are smart, they are. probably quite a market for the vintage/retro elements and statements being made by them. quite sad that you can get a Commando one but they don't have an image of it shown, unless i have somewhat overlooked it. probably just shows him off of Austria looking mean and commando like.

in the modern world "commando" means to go about with no underwear on. that is not, as a point of interest, what most of the film i am speaking about here is about.

of all them posters up there, right, i suspect it is the Miami Vice one i would have on the go in my house. Death Wish 3 was a smart film, like, but i am not sure i would want the poster for it.

as for the next advert, all of it would be class to have.

i never had a go on one of them 8 Track things myself, but my mate Norman Bastard, who seems to have spent much of his Sunday running around Liverpool, had one. boss, it was.

the advert above, as you hardly need me to tell you, is from the 70s. note the technology reference in the ad? yeah, that's right - "finest solid state automatic". you kids today are going on and on about how your "brand new" solid state drives are making illegal downloads and that just sooooo much better. some of us grew up with it, it seems.

a nice touch that they have a separate section on the order form for military dudes that want some banging 8 track vibes on the go.

for the more compulsive advert shopper that is of a disposition to follow the ways and wiles of the entreprenurial (or how you spell it, that stuff him with the beard does) life, this one seems for you.

some smart products there, like. a camera for 82c? a projector for under $2? sounds like a win to me. bonus that you get a free and rather revealing report with it. if it reveals just what exactly is so choice about some French perfume that is cheaper than a movie projector well then so much the better.

cor, if your are Australian strewth, this is a peculiar one.

it would look very much like it's a back massager thing. that's what the advert claims, at the least.

although, when you look at it, right, and being all rather mindful that this was pilfered from an online magazine of the 70s that seemed to be very much aimed at members of the gentry who were interested in something a little bit cheeky, it could well be bought in error by a chap thinking it was something else entirely.

i am no expert when it comes to the world of massage stuff, so will have to take the word of this advert when it says that it being 2 speed is a good thing. also that it is 10" in size, and it vibrates. i would be delighted to accept that vibration and size are of importance with a choice of massaging implement. that it also has a blinking lighted head is impressive; one can only presume that this allows one to know which way around it goes. and yes, that does look like a rather good price for two of them, if for some reason one required to have two on the go at the same time.

Belgium, that last frontier of an undiscovered land here on earth, appears to have featured a very good deal indeed on this blog of late. this has mostly been down to required references to that Jean Claude Van Damme bloke, him and his spectacular film career.

it is only fair, then, that i throw into the mix an advert for the more adventure-seeking type. yes, back in the 70s, despite little being known of the country, you could - at an attractive price - actually go to Belgium on holiday. presumably you got dropped off at a nearby country - Spain, perhaps, or maybe even that one where they do the clogs and that - and just made your own way across the wastelands and through the trees.

if we assume the presence of the dashed lines, or dotted lines if you are not too pedantic, are where you have to cut out to send off for the brochure, that strikes me as being an awkward, difficult thing to do, really. why not just make it square? i am guessing it is the shape it is here as this is the best guess they could make, at the time, of what the nation of Belgium looked like, if it had borders and things. as a limitless plain of opportunity, adventure and danger, however, i suspect Belgium has no time for formalities such as fixed borders.

moving on, then, and an advert for those people who simply cannot be bothered to grow their own hair. actually, for the gent who cannot be bothered, as it also offers services for beards, sideburns and all associated facial things.

Masculiner is an amazing name for a company, man. if i were one of them entrepreneur types, right, i would go mental, opening a business with that name and then working out what to do with it to make piles of money, become a captain of industry and possibly get a guest spot on BBC radio discussing just whatever the hell it is i did.

their promise of sending you a perfect set of whatever you want if you send them a sample of your hair seems somewhat at odds with the smart picture they have there. i don't think that beard is a match for the hair this chap has at all.

right, for those in the 70s who had no interest in the fancy, foreign muck served up as a holiday in the form of helping to discover and map Belgium, you could go to what is, according to science, the heartland of my homeland. yes, look you see, Wales.

now that i think about it you could probably have got a ferry or something to Belgium, but so what , never mind, you can go to Wales with ease. i think, though, to make the trip more meaningful and enjoyable, one should actually go there the way that this Giraldus did. why exactly would you not go on a crusade, and is there any type of crusade that is in fact monochrome?

yes, indeed i will try to get over to Wales at some point in the not too distant future. i will try and make it as much of a crusade as i can, but mostly it will be all about confirming the scientific establishment of me being 100% Welsh.

now, for confirmation of just what a bargain that projector for less than $2 was, have a look at this. although yes, for the extra money you do seem to get the guarantee of some semi-nudie lady action being, erm, projected.

yes, i know what you are thinking. this is indeed from the 70s, and that is indeed the promise of the thrilling sensation of a 3-D stereo effect. so yeah, eat that, James Cameron. you and your bloody Avatar thing were just a throwback to stuff we had in the 70s. except ours were not really related to Smurfs or trees.

converting, in my recent experience, 8mm film to video or DVD is quite expensive. getting your hands on one of these projectors, then, would be an ace way to make some cash. if you had all the other gear to go with it to do that with.

right, if your growing up was anything like mine, you would have had some sort of exposure to comic books from that America place. should that be the case, then, you will be all too familiar with this advert.

wow, man. these always seemed to be really impressive, and something that we wished we could order as we grew up in and around Teesside's petro-chemical wonderland. sea-monkeys sounded like the most ace and amazing thing ever, especially as you could train them to perform tricks.

i should ask, in this age of free communication, anyone i know in America if they ever got their hands on some of these sea-monkeys, and indeed if they were as class as the advert made out. if it was all like that particular episode of South Park where Cartman bred some (literally), so much the better.

a bit of colour for you, then, and a bit of - alas - a fake advert. borrowed off of Mad, this one is. i think, at the least, that's where i spotted this and borrowed it.

they are smart, they are. i seem to recall, though, that it is orange ones the Bono wears as he goes off twatting about with whatever twattery he is up to, be it healing people, creating world peace or making some pop tunes for the kids. but the pink ones are sensational too, and if they are good enough for Bono then they would surely be good enough for me.

leaving Bono aside, sea-monkeys were not the only awesome and epic things one could get in the States that we were denied the chance to experience in England. some things were just so awesome and epic that we did not even know that they existed.

like, for instance, these toys.

yeah, that's right. in the States they had class Chuck Norris action figures. we did not, alas. Romer Parish certainly never stocked them; although perhaps one of them fancy la-de-dah toy stores in London had them.

i know the kids of today think they invented Chuck Norris in the 2000s for internet jokes, but we had him in the 80s, man. his films were not always given that wide a release, but i saw things like Code Of Silence and Invasion USA on video. me and a friend, i think maybe Boyley, even git to see Delta Force at the cinema. also he was Braddock in the Missing In Action films, a series of movies about both Vietnam and how you would go about eating a rat in a bag that was over your head whilst you were hung upside down.

anyway, the kids in England were not, as it happens, really encouraged to embrace the ways of the Chuck as was the case in America. so we never, as far as i know, got the chance to buy all these class action figures.

i suppose we were far too busy getting ace Star Wars toys to worry about Chuck ones. although we did have Masters Of The Universe ones too. you know, Skeletor and that. having a Chuck one fight Skeletor would have been amazing, man.

anyway, i have a stack of other pictures to post, so that will do for this one. i thought it best to break them up a bit, like. make it all not too boring.

more rather soon, then. but in the mean time,

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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