Monday, December 01, 2014

the spiros parcel

hi there we go.

there has been, look you see, unprecedented interest in just what exactly i have posted to Spiros recently. literally, and quite staggeringly, 2 or 3 of you are keen to see what's in the box i sent him. well, here you go, at last.

yeah, my readership levels seem to be right down, all the way down. no matter, i am here for those of you who have stuck with me and read my nonsense.

first off, then, the box that i packed all the stuff into. along with a hint of stuff to go in.

did i specifically go and get this box to post stuff to him in? no. it's one that something or other arrived with stuff in for me, look you see. i would not willingly or actively go and buy Spiros a cardboard box, not when i can simply repurpose one.

speaking of which, the purpose of this package. ostensibly it was all about getting that smart Kiss mug that i found for him to him without him troubling the people of Yorkshire with his presence. we are a pretty friendly bunch here, but i fear the presence of Spiros might test the "pretty" element a bit.

what's the purpose of the Spongebob Squarepants food storage pot, you ask? it was the cheapest thing that i could find which would safely house the Kiss mug. on the one side i didn't really want the mug to get broken in transit, but on the other i really had not all that much vested interest to commit heavily in a financial sense to this happening. for all i know he really, really likes Spongebob and all the things that he does. it is possible, of course, that he hates him. yes, i hope it is the latter.

another look at that Kiss mug? sure, why not, since i have uploaded a picture of it here, all wrapped in clingfilm and that.

Spiros has a pretty interesting relationship with the band Kiss. for reasons i have never understood, mostly as i have never asked, Spiros has always described himself as being "the Eric Carr of the corporate finance world". this has, over the years, seen him invest an awful lot of money in items bearing the name of Kiss, which has no doubt made Gene, Ace and Paul very happy indeed.

do i like Kiss? yeah, they are OK. when i was but a lad in Australia, in that time called the early 80s, they were absolutely massive. them and Abba were like the two biggest acts going that were not Australian or NZ in origin.

let's press on then, with a look at other items what i have bought for my dear friend.

a white t-shirt -  size medium. actually i didn't buy this for him, i bought it for a school project and we never used it, so figured it could be used as padding. if he really likes it - and it is a little bit George Michael so there is a good chance he will - and wants to wear it, as it is a medium size one i suspect the fat b@st@rd will have to lose some weight or simply suck in.

fuses - see an earlier post on the love Spiros has for fuses.

teen tampons - i was going to get him some presumably non-teen ones, but these looked like better value. there are ten in this box, look you see, whereas there was only eight in the other packets. what will he do with them? i suspect some lucky person he knows down in London will get them as a regift thing, otherwise, to borrow one of his phrases, he will just have to put on his big girl pants and work it out himself.

moustache shaped soap on a rope - this will be particularly handy for Spiros for when he is down at the Turkish Baths he is so fond of. i suspect both soap and a big bushy moustache will be a pretty useful way of him meeting some new friends.

and onwards we go. yes i agree i have been quite generous with my friend.

partially used scratchcards - this is me paying respect to the love Spiros has of gambling. granted, the gamble element is removed as we checked and they are not winners, but he could always go and argue with the bookie that it would be racist of them to not pay out two matched numbers and insist on three.

Polo mints - i actually forgot to put these in the box, so i ate them on behalf of Spiros. they were quite splendid.

Homer Simpson Socks - i am all but certain that Spiros does in fact quite like The Simpsons, which features a character called Homer Simpson and all them other ones. if a member of the band Kiss, such as Eric Carr or Peter Criss, were to wear socks that were branded by The Simpsons, i am fairly confident that these are the ones they would wear. that is, of course, if Gene, Ace and Paul would let them wear non-Kiss branded apparel, which is distinctly if not highly unlikely. and yes, of course, they would make them pay for them too, no freebies for crap drummers in this world. well, except maybe Ringo.

actually, i like to think that all the rest of The Beatles - the ones that could sing, dance, act, play instruments and generally do things of interest - made Ringo buy copies of all their records. but i digress.

Bluto and Tin Tin Dolls - i think that Tin Tin's mate was called Bluto, at least. i am not sure, it has been years since i read one of them. The Thompson Twins were off of it, weren't they?

these are possibly my favourite item in the box. they are smart, they are.

looking at that, it is actually quite scary just how much Spiros looks like Tin Tin. The stupid nancy boy hair, the ill fitting blue jumper and the insistence on wearing collars outside of the jumper like some annoying Belgian are all hallmarks of the Spiros style.

we shall return to Tin Tin and Bluto (or whoever) later. for now, though, a quick look at my smart new coffee gold card; one that i most decidedly did not send to Spiros.

i really like coffee from that place, and i am delighted that they clearly like selling me coffee, hence the upgrade on the card.

blimey, i have uploaded a stack of pictures here. my apologies if i get bored and don't write too much more to go with all the images.

like, for instance, what more can i say of the Kiss mug? here it is in bubblewrap.

oh yes, i got him some sort of 2 CD set of Irish Celebration Drinking Songs too. practically every song on it is about whisky, except for the ones which are not.

no, that is the same box of tampons. i didn't buy him two, how many is it that you think he needs?

on we go, then, and here is all or most of the stuff shoved in the box. yes, i know, i am sorry i forgot about the Polo mints but i am sure he can get them in London if he is all that bothered.

as you can see, not a great deal of care and attention was given over to the aesthetics of packing the box. i just thought it best to stack things around the container with the mug in it, as that was the most important thing to get to him.

here is Bluto and Tin Tin again. here you can see Tin Tin wearing brown trousers that he has stuck into black socks. yes, Spiros does that too.

i suppose, if i were honest, i would confess that i probably look a little bit like this Bluto character, or whatever his name is. Spiros was, by all accounts, playing with these dolls earlier this afternoon. he was probably pretending that the Bluto one was me, and that the Tin Tin one was actually just a doll of his good self. no doubt be was reminiscing over all the great adventures we had, and re-enacting some of them for his Scandinavian houseboy.

the Bluto one does also look like the kind of Greek or Turkish gent that Spiros says he frequent meets, befriends and wrestles with down at them Turkish baths. it is, i suppose, entirely possible that he has pretended that the Bluto one is one of those gents, and is play acting away. that would be, i am reliably led to believe, the sort of thing i would care not to give a description of here, and is no doubt something which the Scandinavian houseboy will have all sorts of nightmares about if he got to witness it. or maybe not, for all i know he might be quite keen on that sort of thing and eager to watch.

here's another picture of them Polo mints i forgot to put in, along with other stuff.

i did of course want to ensure, as far as i could, that the parcel and all of the contents got to Spiros in the state they were intended, so i applied some more bubblewrap stuff to the package. observe.

and then it all felt like it was a bit empty on top and prone to crushing, so i shoved a whole load of them "bag for life" plastic bags off of the shops in too. as you can see here, i mostly used W H Smith ones. that is the shop that Sharpy really likes so i thought it would be a nice touch.

phew, near the end of all the pictures i uploaded, dear reader. well done if you got this far, and do please continue reading. although i could not blame you for quitting.

as well as the plastic bags, i thought a whole load of packaging tape and clingfilm would be a really smart idea to ensure the integrity and safety of the parcel.

actually no, that's not true. i thought a whole load of packaging tape and clingfilm would just make it really, really annoying for Spiros to open it all up. i always had total confidence that Royal Mail would deliver it with no damage done, so this was all just done for effect.

here is a picture of me walking along to the bus at about 7 in the morning. yes, i know revealing details of my routine leaves me open to an assassination attempt, but as per previous posts anyone that fancies a go at it is very welcome to try. i would prefer they did not, but you cannot live the lives of others for them.

a bit of reflection, then. am i happy with the stuff that i sent to Spiros? mostly yes, i believe i am. he certainly seemed to be very excited about it all when he got it and opened it up. i imagine he got his Scandinavian houseboy to fetch some scissors, a knife or other such cutting implement to help him open it.

i do, however, think that there are many other things what the pound shop has that i could have got and shoved in the box. they will all, then, have to wait for another parcel. and it is a certainty that i will be getting more stuff and sending it to him, but perhaps not until the new year. that is something which, in fairness, is only 30 or so days away anyway, and i suspect that he has some 30 days of fun, excitement, adventure and entertainment in what he received in this particular parcel earlier today. if that is not the case, well, then that's just Spiros being ungrateful and he can go and get all his own tampons and soap and stuff, then.

but i doubt he would be ungrateful. anyway, go on then, a look at the parcel in the brown packaging paper, which was the final touch before i put his address on it.

oh good lord no, no i did not do that brown paper. it's too neat and smart for me, that. many thanks to my (considerably) better half for doing that part, although she is keen for me to point out that she had nothing at all whatsoever to do with the contents. also, she did not disagree with anything what i sent him.

phew. for those of you who have been interested or curious as to what it was that i sent Spiros, i trust that you are most pleased by what you have read. for those who are looking at this and wondering just what the hell all of this is about, don't stress yourselves too much with over thinking.

that will very much do for now, methinks.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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