Thursday, July 27, 2017

lamenting falling standards


when no less than John Lennon invented the classless society i believe, to be sure, what he intended for was the standards of all to be in parity by raising. oh, hang on. no. sh!t. not John Lennon, John Major i mean. back in 1992 it was, look you see, when he was on the campaign trail. or trial i suppose, since those who would seek to be elected are in a sense judged.

anyway, whichever John what it was that invented it and got elected on the back of it i am sure, as i said, that they wished all to be elevated upwards in terms of the English way of doing things, and not have everyone brought down to the lowest most common and crass of denominators.

this, alas, did not happen. well, yes it did. the latter has come to the fore rather than the former. many crimes are allowed to be in consequence of this. commoners, for instance, are now allowed in to Fortnum & Mason without wearing a proper, formal suit. and, perhaps most heinous of all, once prestige, luxurious biscuits intended only for the higher classes are now made available for costs affordable by the former working class and the levels below.

yes, the Viscount luxury biscuit. and this, once, was quite the luxury. in this bold and brave new classless society invented or instigated by some John or another it has fallen considerably from that status, but we shall get to that aspect.

for now, history. many of my fellow readers will either have grown up in England (or the broader UK) in the 70s and 80s. a significant number of others will not, but be interested in it. to this, if you had a select number of relatives which you visited in instances it was invariably the case that one of them was "posh". this can be real term posh or by default, i.e. they were posher than all them other relatives you visited.

when you visited such a relative you were instantaneously made aware of the fact that, in their eyes, you were lower class and most decidedly inferior. their home was full of all sorts of intricate posh things that you dare so not much as look at never mind touch. on those instances where you were allowed to be present in their home you were usually served tea in a cup beyond your own financial possibilities. further, you were offered the poshest of the posh biscuits to go with it. biscuits that you could only normally salivate at the prospect of tasting.

from time to time these would be what many consider the holy grail of posh biscuits, which was Club, but normally it would be Viscount.

to take a brief pause from the history of them, indeed is above a look at the Viscount biscuits i was most recently able to procure. sorry, i cannot show you one with a bite taken out. other than such an image being crass, it would allow fraudsters to make a 3D print of my dental records.

as for what they are actually like as biscuits, well, think Jaffa Cake, but with a firmer biscuits and the gooey minty innards of an After Eight mint inside rather than orange or similar citrus joys. yes, they taste exquisite and exceptional; just as you would imagine that most prohibited of forbidden fruits would.

so anyway, when back in the 70s or 80s a posh relative offered you Viscount (or Club), it was in a specific way. this was always with the host thinking "society and the accepted English way of doing things means that i must offer my guests, as urchin, cretinous, lower class trouble as they are, a delicious biscuit with their tea, tea that is far too good for them". as such, they were proffered in your direction with your host - posh, lest we forget - most distinctly raising their nose to the heavens so as they may be seen as elevated from you.

theoretically they were offered in a manner which suggested you could take more than one. should you have done, though, however, you would have been greeted with a tut, and it is highly unlikely that you would ever be allowed one again, should you even be permitted a further audience or visitation.

and, by jove, you ate the Viscount carefully and slowly. not a single crumb would you allow to fall to be discarded. each and every moment of this opulence and luxury was to be savoured, for it is was unlikely that you would experience such any time soon thereafter.

now, in this enlightened time of the great classless society, in the name of equality Viscount biscuits have been ruthlessly devalued. no more than £1 is charged for a packet, with them being freely available at establishments such as Poundland, as well as the "bargain" or "savers" shelves of prestigious retailers like Tesco.

if not quite the opium, Viscount biscuits have then become "the marijuana of the masses", i suppose. whilst it is wonderful that they are now so freely available and virtually all may enjoy them, i lament for some of the special magic associated with the privilege of being able to have one has gone away, perhaps forever.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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