Friday, July 21, 2017



sometime an introduction which elaborates upon a set title is unnecessary and, to be sure, superfluous. this, i would imagine, is very much the case here. i would like to think that you, dear reader, have ascertained from the subject matter of the title of the post that yes, indeed, once again, look you see, i have been replacing a toilet seat.

not just any toilet seat, though. no. especially not in terms of cost, gentrification and all that fancy good stuff. as we shall see through the course of this post - or at least you will if you continue to read as such - this is possibly the single most expensive toilet seat which i have ever handled.

frames, or frame, of reference for this story - and it is a story - are or is perhaps a good idea. one of the hinges on our then current, or if you so wish the incumbent, toilet seat had eroded to the point of breakage. it seemed quite distressed, but possible to repair. also, possible not to do so.

as my (considerably) better half was rather fond of the existing toilet seat (and in fairness it was quite class) she requested that i look a replacing the hinge rather than the seat entire. i explored this possibility and found it to be, as we shall see later on, impractical.

the nearest best i could do, then, was to purchase an exact or perhaps precise (identical, maybe) replacement. and so this is what i did, as you can clearly see above. what is it? i would not have thought you would care too much to know what toilet seat we have within the home, but if i am wrong then it is the New York model off of Bemis. they seem to name all their model of toilet seats after cities in America; go figure.

and what did this cost? an extravagant and somewhat eye watering £38 ladies and gentlemen. yes, thirty eight, for there was no typing error. unless i have managed to make the mistake twice. this, i am assured on various review sections, is considered a mid-price toilet seat cost. probably good enough for minor Royals and select members of the aristocracy, then.

from pure respect from the high number of readers i get around the world, here's what that cost for 1 (one) toilet seat breaks down or otherwise translates into in other currencies.

¥5598.70 (Japan)
BC 0.02419 (Bitcoin)
$AUS 63.53 (Australia)
$NZ 67.71 (New Zealand)
$US 49.75 (USA)
CZK 1131.04 (Czech Republic)
€ 43.38 (Eurozone)
₯ 14,788.04 (Greece)
₪   176.90(Israel)
B/ 49.75 (Panama)
R 648.66 (South Africa)
₽ 2937.96 (Russia)
रु  5131.07(Nepal)
$B 99.50 (Barbados)

i have every reason to suspect, however, that the price is not applicable in Germany. my good friend Spiros has lent me some documentaries on social etiquette in Germany over the years. everything about these suggest that as and when a German has a call of nature they express this in a decidedly unconventional way, using a friend, partner or stranger rather than a dedicated plumbing facility.

the relevance of the costing will come somewhat agreeably to the fore when i get on to the matter of hinges. this is agreeable in terms of the tale rather than agreeable in any practical sense.

yeah, them are all the instructions and screws and bolts and other such things you get for your money. as well as a look at the underneath segment of the seat, should you be interested.

reflecting on an earlier comment, tying everything all together i suppose, is this a reasonable price for a toilet seat? there is a school of thought which says don't buy cheap for something you will rely on long term. it's a cost vs comfort thing. a reliable piece of advice in this world is never ever buy a cheap mattress - it won't last and you are going to cause yourself all sorts of agony when sleeping on it. the same, i would think, is true of toilet seats.

the mid-price claim on this one is interesting. for a start it was the most expensive one on sale at where i went, which was and indeed is B & Q. you can get seats sub-£20, or if you like south of £20. these, however, tend to be rather lightweight, and for some reason tend to be beautified with glitter patterns or picture of puppies.

as far as this New York one goes, i totes understand why my (considerably) better half was sad to see the demise of the other and why she is happy with the direct replacement. it is heavyweight, being made of moulded wood according to the box, and most comfortable. the mind boggles as to what ones which cost north of £40 perform like - perhaps so immersive and excellent an experience that once one sits on it they never leave.

speaking of cost, yes that is one of them "curious" discounts that stores from time to time offer and become an internet sensation. this plumber's tape reduced from 52p to 50p per role suggests that B & Q are not all that keen to get rid of it in a hurry. my mathematics has temporarily let me down; this discount works out at either just north of 1% or possibly a little bit north of 3%. either way, any saving is most splendid.

right, the business end of this post in respect of hinges. any entrepreneurial machinists, fabricators, metalworkers or other such manufacturers may want to make some notes here. or save all this info as a potential "win" for a business idea.

in referencing comments at the start, my first action was to investigate replacing the hinges on our incumbent toilet seat. this plan fell apart. whereas standard toilet seat hinge replacement sets were reasonable, costing considerably south of £10 (do your own currency conversions please), the hinges for the Bemis New York were, alas, decidedly not standard.

that there is the hinges on this seat. as you can see, although it is sideways, the part where it connect features a horizontal section, or plate or panel or beam, whatever the right word is for where you screw it on to attach. standard seats, i have discovered, have the opposite, which is to say a vertical section. arm, perhaps.

cost for this style of hinge? the cheapest i saw was £22, whereas the most expensive (and readily available) was somewhere about £1 north of £30.  so replacement hinges were between 58% and 84% of the cost of a whole new seat and fittings. as wasteful as it seemed, for there was little else wrong with the original seat, it seemed silly and to make no sense not to just purchase an entire new toilet seat set rather than the part i needed. welcome to the wasteful nature of first world problems, i guess. and us consumers are far from being alone in respect of guilt for this.

so, if you are enterprising, if you could manufacture these hinges and sell them for around £10 or £15, you would undercut the existing market in some style. now that i think about it, sure i only looked at suppliers and didn't think to consult the Bemis company directly, either through their website or anywhere else.

indeed yes that is me, or if you like i, out shopping at the prestige of B & Q for the toilet seat. no, they don't keep the toilet seats near the chainsaws. as point of fact i had to walk a good mile or so from one end of the store to the other in order to take this picture. why? well, chainsaws. they are smart and very useful items to have, in particular in the car whilst driving around.

by the way, the price of this Bemis toilet seat is not me reflecting on the idea that B & Q are an expensive store to be a patron of. far from it, or close to it, perhaps. it is not like i buy all that much DIY stuff, but the pricing they had seemed in accordance with what i saw around the web.

how did i get on with removing the remnants of the old toilet seat and attaching the new one? quite well, it just so happens. yes, no, DIY is not a strong point at all, but i've done so many of these now that i profess to being somewhat of a dab hand, to be sure.

all in all it took an hour or so, with most of the time being spent on tightening the nuts, or bolts, or whatever, to keep it in place. awkward angle, look you see. it's not easy when the toilet itself is in a corner as such, as you have to sort of reach and hope you are turning the right way for the one side.

the instructions were quite well laid out and indeed useful. one thing they skipped, though, if you for some reason are here looking for advice, is to test you have the bolt section in the optimal hole for fitting before tightening it all up. this i of course did, which was just as well, for if i had assembled it with the bolts in the central most of the middle holes it would not have fitted all proper at all.

and with that we have reached, or i have reached, pretty much the conclusion. yes, it was indeed a friday night i spent doing this, obviously earlier than this one when i wrote it. everything is later on, really.

right, well, i have things to be getting on with and you quite possibly do too. we shall call it quits here, for now, and no doubt more shall follow. although there are only so many posts one can write about replacing toilet seats, i suppose.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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