Monday, December 21, 2015


hey there

my previous blog post, look you see, seems to have upset a few people. i had no idea that the Police Academy series was so fondly remembered. am i going to say sorry for saying that there were massive mistakes with Episode VII? no, not at all. i am, however, going to try and stick to less controversial stuff for a while.

ha ha, no. i cannot possibly say to you i am going to avoid controversy when i know full well that much of what i will write here tonight pertains to Spiros.

i was very pleased indeed, of if for some reason if you prefer not at all displeased, today when Royal Mail kindly delivered not one, not three, but two packages from my Mum & Dad. this is exceptionally kind of Royal Mail, who as recently as today warned people that items sent 1st class today might take more than 4 days to deliver. cheers.

it was, of course, really very kind of my Mum & Dad to send on some stuff. one envelope contained some most splendid books for the boys.

one such book, as you should be able to see either to the side or above or below this text what you are reading, was the magnificently titled I Need A New Bum. actually, i am not convinced that magnificently covers it - perhaps splendid would be better, or even splendidly magnificent. the Simpsons book they sent in the same package is equally as good, but not likely to generate as much puerile humour and indeed mirth as what this one is.

my first thought upon seeing the title of this book was along the lines of oh dear, whatever shall Spiros call his memoirs now? he had never, so far as i know, actively mentioned that I Need A New Bum would be a title for any volume of his memoirs - volume for his life will stretch to more than one book - but it is hard to think of a more spot on title which he could use for such a literary venture.

speaking of Spiros, and to underline the point i have made above, he sent me this picture earlier on today. it is of the desk from which he does all his great work from, and as you can see the screen for the computer appears to have been desecrated or dirtied with suspicious looking white stains which, he assures me, was not the doing of his own, so to speak, handiwork.

the blue jar with coloured objects in it? they are some enchanted, magical stones which he was given by the legendary and celebrated warlock known as Sangoma Stevie, a charlatan of some repute who, from time to time, advertises his mystical powers on various websites aimed at distinctly lowbrow readers.

so what are them stains on his computer and who made them? he is not saying exactly what the stains are, but he has expressed reservations and fears about going and asking security to review the footage in order to see who might have done exactly what at his desk.

back, briefly, to I Need A New Bum, and indeed off we go to the back of this most splendid book. here's the blurb, or write up, or whatever the fancy term is for what's written on the back of a book.

this, ladies and gentlemen, really is quite strange, or uncanny or something. the above is the personification of the upbeat, happy, positive outlook and approach Spiros has always had in respect of his own rear bit. to discover that some writer has apparently "channelled Spiros" and transformed his philosophy, and indeed distress, into an educational morality book for children is quite extraordinary.

there is every chance, of course, that the writers and publishers of this book may well now face the pursuit of Spiros for royalties and compensation. there is, i would suggest, "substantial" parts of this book which would appear to be directly lifted from the life and times of Spiros, in particular with emphasis on the parts where "look it has a crack in it" feature in the text.

how, in the mean time and indeed the present day, did Spiros get on with his spillage problem? interestingly, i would say.

here's the sign on an office door. he was directed to it when he explained his distress about some muck being spread all over his computer and that.

the interesting thing about this is that Spiros works in a world of legalities, be it compliance matters, audits, participant resolution (viewing) forms or risk and liabilities associated with accepting instructions via fax machines. what i am saying is that the working world of Spiros is all legal statutes, balance sheets, document reviews and things like that. liquids of any nature are very rarely part of his day outside of the occasional adventure which he might indulge in within the confines of the bathroom there. why is it,  then, that they have a whole office set aside for responses to "hazardous spills"? is it that whatever was spilled across the desk of Spiros happens quite often? if so then i, like you, am really looking forward to his first "performance review".

more on the spillage adventures of Spiros as and when he sends me further unsolicited images, i suppose. and i do, dear reader, have every reason to suspect that many more will be forwarded to me.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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