Monday, December 14, 2015


hey there

it is a widely regarded theory, if not fact as such, that although i downplay it i do have a tendency to move in some rather influential circles. it is for this reason, i presume, that so many of you come along and read this blog daily - not so much for me, look you see, but for the off chance of a glimpse of the greatness who for some reason associate with me from time to time.

the events of this weekend, then, shall most likely please those of you who come along for such reasons. i was, to put it bluntly, summoned to attend an informal yet dignified court established to welcome the return of our region's ambassador to Botswana, or something like that.

yes, that's right, our provincial ambassador to Botswana, or wherever, is picture here with me. he is on the right or left, depending of course entirely on whether or not you have some smart quasi-Australian settings on the go on your browser of choice. basically, the one who is less beard, more ambassadorial in look.

the purpose of an ambassador is, strictly speaking, to be ambassadorial in another country, diplomatically representing the province from which they hailed. they rarely return to the point of origin unless they have been recalled due to some misunderstanding, invariably sexual in nature. i can confirm that our ambassador to Botswana, or wherever, was back for no such reason. i cannot give details of why, though.

a court set up for the return of an ambassador would not be much of one if it were just me there to greet him. as such, other dignitaries were present. well, one. we were delighted to have the presence of the mostly self-anointed Viscount of Stockton at the formal greeting.

indeed, in a rather crass move - which is why he is merely a Viscount rather than an ambassador - he is showing of a paper based confirmation of access to an awful lot of money. some of the money he is showing of was, i am led to believe, partially gained by perfectly legal means.

what, you sat? an image of myself, our ambassador to Botswana and the self-declared Viscount of Stockton all together? such a portrait does break with protocol somewhat, for i myself am bereft of any official or made up title, but why not.

it would have been exceptionally rude and inappropriate for me to have declined presence in the above portrait, for it was taken by a most splendid device which the ambassador had brought with him from Botswana, or wherever. i believe he referred in passing to it as an "Apple", which is a most curious name for a camera based contraption. most would naturally associate the word apple with a record label of some distinction, but far be it from me to question the naming of things which are made in Botswana.

where did this meeting happen? protocol dictated that the court needed to be established in the MIMA. there are strict guidelines in place where association meetings which feature both an ambassador and a Viscount may be held, and the MIMA ticked, so to speak, the boxes. it was the MIMA or the HMV, and the last time i checked HMV do not sell coffee. to hold court with a Viscount, never mind an ambassador, and not have coffee available would be an unforgivable faux pas.

a final image for you, then, of me with the esteemed Viscount of Stockton.

i am led to believe that the title of Viscount of Stockton is more of a ceremonial one than it is a constitutional one, but there are certain privileges which the rank affords the incumbent one self-proclaimed to be serving in the role. the best, i would imagine, is having "Viscount of Stockton" emblazoned on your stationery. that would certainly give them something to think about down at Arriva when you wrote to them on one of the letterheads with that on, asking why exactly they now daily run more buses proclaiming to be "not in service" than they do actual service buses.

it was indeed the case, as you perhaps hardly need me to illustrate or point out, that both the ambassador and the Viscount were most displeased by the fact that Spiros was not present. both have a great admiration for this affable chap, and were very keen to meet him. perhaps one day.

should your weekend have been one which featured the kind of formal ceremony which mine did then i trust it went most splendidly. if it was the case that you simply had a normal, regular kind of weekend, well then my wish is that it was good.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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