Saturday, May 23, 2015


hi there

well, so far as i know, Charlie Sheen has stopped all of that #winning business, so i will use it for this rather celebratory post. yes, look you see, yes i am showing off a bit here. and why not, for i won something today. something amazing.

for those of you in a rush, or simply cannot be bothered to read all of this, then this picture tells you the whole story that will be told below. as i mentioned a few weeks ago, that wonderful comic / magazine Viz, a staple of my life for somewhere over 30 years, ran a contents to win a commemorative plate to, well, commemorate the 'Fracas' which happened and saw, as a regretful consequence, Jeremy Clarkson, the so-called Top Gear Presenter Of Hearts, lose his job. 

i was for some reason wildly enthusiastic about the idea of winning this, and so rushed off my entry form as soon as i could. i spent an entire Saturday night scouring the edition of Viz to get the clues i needed to enter and win. it was, as you can see, well worth it, as i am a proud winner. not that reading Viz in great detail is all that big a sacrifice, or too different from my usual Saturday night. i am not Whigfield, you know.

for those of you not in a rush, here is a fuller story. by the way, on that note, i am quite excited by the idea that someone out there is actually interested in my blog and finds the time to have a glance at it even if they are extremely busy. nice one, many thanks.

i went, as is my wont and will, for a splendid stroll this morning. a lovely, perhaps more brisk than crisp (hello, Faye) morning it was, as for some reason Spring has finally been summoned to these green and fair shores. on my return, i found this item had been delivered, waiting for my most earnest attention.

i did a little dance of joy when i saw it, for i knew immediately what it was. More T Vicar, the company whose name covers this off-gold coloured packaging, are the official sellers and suppliers of all merchandise what the Viz sell to the public. it could not have been anything else inside the package other than the Jeremy Clarkson Top Gear Presenter Of Hearts Fracas Commemorative Plate.

so, excitedly and immediately, after a bit of shopping and a spot of lunch, i gathered the family around me to bear witness as i opened up the parcel.

my assumptions and knowledge, as you can see, were confirmed by this elegant, sophisticated and accentuated by its simplicity congratulatory note sellotaped to the box it came in. not just any box, dear reader. a perfect, off-white cardboard box, designed to protect the contents within reasonably well or to, at the least, the bear minimum that would save it from getting broken too much.

time, then, to go inside the box. although you and i already have, what with that first picture showing it all off to those of you that are in so much of a rush you are not reading this part.

it is a thing, is it not? whether it is one of beauty or not i leave to your eyes, dear reader. to me, it captures at the least - in vivid detail, if not perhaps accurate - the punch that knocked out a career.

i feel nothing but honour and pride in being one of the 50 that was, presumably, carefully selected at random by the work experience kid at Viz towers to become a custodian of one of these plates. i shall feel further honour and pride when my name appears in the next edition as one of the winners. it will be even better than the time that Viz sent me an email saying that i was "probably a queer for noticing" when i wrote and asked them why Baz in The Fat Slags always has a plaster on his arse.

the plate came complete with a stand, presumably skilfully crafted by indentured child labourers in China who were a bit too expensive to be employed by Apple.

i've had to put it away safe for now. i will, dear reader, eventually work out where the best place is to put it. as valuable as it is, it is something that i should make available for people to see.

another picture of me posing proudly with this plate? why surely, here it is, but you probably saw that before you read this, depending on how the text formats around the pictures on the device you are using to view all of this on.

what was the reaction of my family to this magnificent plate? mostly enthusiastic about it, in particular my (considerably) better half. they boys, it has to be said, were a mixture of confused and disappointed when i suggested that this plate was pretty much all of their inheritance.

as for the actual incident depicted on the commemorative plate, well, i think quite enough has been said on the subject already. it's a great shame that a show many millions around the world loved came to and end the way it did, but one cannot go around punching people for reasons like the temperature of a plate of food.

the show, never forget, recovered from the likes of Angela Rippon and Noel Edmonds leaving it. as tough as it might be to replace the three most closely associated with the show, it's the format and concept that people love. i am sure as and when Top Gear finds new hosts the show will still attract the same kind of viewing figures and, indeed, mix of love and hate from the world.

right, Eurovision Song Contest is on. i wish that Australia had selected Jason Donovan to represent them in this 60th Anniversary contest that they have been invited to be part of, but no matter - hopefully the Aussies win it anyway. since the UK, as usual, has no chance.

many thanks to those of you not in all that big of a rush for reading this all.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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