Saturday, May 16, 2015

the face of body volt

hello there

a post that was not really my idea, look you see. for some reason my chum, Mr J Granville (yes, the celebrated musician, not that i name drop), suggested after my exploits earlier in the week that i should put myself forward as the "face of body volt". as i had nothing particularly more interesting to post here right now, i decided to go with it.

for those of you who cannot be bothered to click on this link right here - and let's be honest, no one is likely to be throwing or if you like casting any stones about that, in truth - i turned to body volt earlier in the week as a sort of crutch.

not a crutch, i suppose. more of a stick sort of thing that one would lean upon for support, and maybe to assist them with walking and other related movement of a civil speed. but you get my point, no point getting hung up on semantics or arguing over the right word.

yes, indeed, that is an image of the body volt in full on Commodore 64 mode with dither on. or, possibly, off. i can't remember, sorry. either way, it looks smart.

body volt has developed something of a cult following at verk this week, as it happens. all and sundry are almost certain that it offers no real benefit, support or help to any form of distress or type of ailment. and yet there remains, lingers perhaps, an incredible lure which sees a number of us want to once again delve into the liquid that is water which has had one of the body volt tablet thingies dissolved in it. the theory, perhaps, is that if you take it often enough then it will have some sort of effect, even if it is but a placebo like one.

do i particularly want to be the face of body volt, as my friend suggested that i should be? it would on one level be an honour if any Slovakian concern requested that i be the face of their product, but in truth i believe the answer is no. however, if i did want to be, and for some reason the producers of Slovakian theoretical energy boosters pursued a form of minimalist advertising which relied heavily on seducing consumers with how things look in Commodore 64 mode, here is how it would look.

there would, no doubt, be a television advertising campaign to go along with the posters as above. most of the generation today cannot handle or tolerate any sort of message which is longer than two seconds, so for them here is the two second version of the advert, should it all ever happen.

for those of us over the age of twenty two, yes, for sure, certainly we are indeed capable of having our attention held for considerably longer than two seconds. in some cases, full attention to an advert has been paid for as long as eight seconds. an advert for that specific market - possibly the actual, likely market for body volt - will be along in a bit.

am i being paid to do this? no. do i actually endorse body volt? no. i mean, i don't have anything against the stuff, but it would not cause me any hardship if someone said i was never to have it again. as far as i know it has yet to cause any significant illness or fatalities, so it's probably fine to use if you want to go down to the pound shop and get some.

if you find the above advert somewhat sultry and a bit sexy in a seductive way, don't worry as that was entirely the intended effect of it. i am very pleased to learn that it worked to that extent, if it indeed worked.

actually i might well get some more of this and give it to Spiros. obviously, if i did do that, i would encourage him - egg him on, so to speak - to have considerably more than the recommended dose of it, just to see what happens. he would be the Bez to my Shaun Ryder, if you like. "go on mate, have another", i will say, assuring him that, honest, nothing will go wrong and even if it did i would call the requisite, relevant medical professionals to attend to his plight.

the eight second advert? certainly.

i don't know if it shows, but i wrote, directed, produced and lensed that all by myself, all in one take. as such i am terribly proud of it. if for some reason i appear sideways in the video, sort of sorry, but that's an issue, or if you like quarrel, between Blogger and Apple products. and your device, presumably, as it looks ok to me.

what sort of reaction am i expecting to this, me being appointed the face of body volt by someone living in Belgium (or wherever) that has never even actually handled the product, let alone has anything to do with it? in truth i think if they ever notice it's possible a cease and desist letter, as well as a takedown notice, might come along from the manufacturers of the stuff.

the other side is, of course, a good deal more scary, in that it has decidedly dangerous implications. if people, be they the manufacturers of body volt or the potential market, look at my life, like what they see, get envious of it and then determine that using body volt is the key to the door that opens up their way of making their own life like my life, they must be in something of a sorry state to begin with and be full worthy of the complete sympathy of anyone.

don't get me wrong with that one. i am of course happy with my life, and things are going on nicely, cheers. i would not, however, hold up my existence as some sort of flag waving celebration of a healthy, well balanced way of living. if for some reason it does in fact seem all healthy and that, well, thank you very much indeed, but i fear i must disagree with you and encourage you to read up somewhat on what healthy actually means in a practical sense.

if you go off and give the body volt life a try after this, please note that i did not, in a very legally binding sense, at any point recommend or endorse such a decision. that's on you, that is, and whatever happens is between you, the pound shop, and whoever it is in Slovakia or wherever that makes it.

should for some reason body volt or anyone else want me to be the face of their product, i can confirm that i do indeed have a price and have no hesitation whatsoever in being a commercial sell out. make an offer, and it does not need one as high as you might think to secure me.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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