Tuesday, May 12, 2015

our sincere apologies

hello there

today i received not one, not three, but two interesting items in the post today, look you see. well actually yes three if you include yet another catalogue from Royal Mail, but i do not find that particularly interesting.

one of the two items, which i am going to decline to show you here, was an unsolicited item of pornography from Spiros. as a nice touch, Spiros had drawn an absolutely massive penis on the envelope too, although someone had made the gesture of an effort to cross it out.

the other item, to which the sender had interestingly, perhaps wittily, seemed to change my name to "Sara Lee" on the address bit, was a battlefield of confusion and contradiction. the sender, and this will be no surprise to most of you that know him (for it is a he) had opted to use insufficient value postage stamps on the item. hence the yellow sticker.

before we go into the dirty, nitty gritty elements of what exactly it is, oh yes you are seeing right. because the sender, twat that he is, tried to short change Royal Mail by 20p, they were apparently of a mind to charge me not only the 20p in question, but a further £1 as a "handling fee". cheers for that. but hang on, what's that i wrote - that they were of a mind to charge me? i imagine that is what the sticker is all about, but they certainly did not charge me this. and no, i didn't kick off and argue with them to get it delivered at no cost at all to me.

what was in the parcel? why, it was some "exclusive" artwork for the new President Ray Gun single / ep / we got itchy in the studio and recorded something. their second, as point of fact. i am on first name terms with their bass player, you know. bass player and, i note from the artwork, the synth player too.

how is it that i came to get all this class artwork for Vaporizer, the title of the release which is not a title of any of the songs on the release? quite simple, really. the bass and synth king of the band misjudged the demand for the new single and artwork by - i kid you not - precisely 1000%. yes, one thousand percent. a bit ambitious, and that is not to be faulted. so as a consequence of this ambition, it seems the most loyal and most dedicated of President Ray Gun fans, "Rayyers" if you like, since "Gunners" is used by football fans in London, are being rewarded with as many copies of the artwork as the bass king can shove in an envelope.

the amount of copies of the cover that the bass supremacist could shove in an envelope evidently exceeded the restrictions imposed by the value of the stamp he placed on the aforementioned envelope. so how is it, then, that i still came to receive this somewhat spectacular package?

the one side of the padded envelope (nice touch) was torn, so it all arrived in a swanky plastic bag, as you can see here. Royal Mail have thus offered their sincere apologies about this. yes, it is a good and fair question, that is - are the apologies limited to the envelope being damaged, or does it include an apology for delivering President Ray Gun stuff to me?

that is indeed an unmarked, yet used, blank CD off of Tesco. it was in the envelope to. theoretically it is probably a copy of the new single / ep thing. if it is, that's interesting, as i did not request or order it, and i am f****** positive that i did not pay for it.

i think his inclusion of this disc is some sort of sign that he hopes, or expects, that i will play the music on it and comment on it in a positive, encouraging way. i am not sure that this is going to happen. i mean, yes if i had actually asked for the music, but i hadn't - i just wanted some of the artwork that he was offering to send to the, as it were, fans.

also, i have no confirmation that it is the music of President Ray Gun (which, if you ignore the bass and now the synth you will find is actually pretty good) is in fact on this CD. it could all be one of those entrapment set up sort of things, designed to send me off to spend time on the Jimmy Savile ward of the nearest police station.

i have absolutely no idea what else to say about this except thanks, i guess, to all involved in getting this through to me. it is greatly appreciated and i will treasure it.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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