Sunday, March 15, 2015

on sexual magnetism

hello there

well, as i count down the 24 short minutes to when the repeats of Bullseye start on TV here on a Sunday night, i find myself reflecting on just what a, like, full on totes fanny magnet i am. and, in truth, a bit of a lodestone for the gentry too, i suppose - it is not my fault that i am incredibly attractive to both genders, and it is far, far from being an issue. i cannot be held responsible, look you see, for the fact that i ooze the appeal and charm which attracts basically anyone.

i am contemplating - dangerously so, granted - expanding on this sort of sexual magnetism i have naturally. to this end, i made a rather splendid purchase earlier in the day today when i was out doing my routine, perhaps rudimentary shopping for the week ahead.

yes, that's right. i had a requirement for some more deodorant, or whatever English marketing execs think it should be called instead, and so i bought myself a tin of that most predatory form of spray on attraction, Brut. yes, that Brut, the one that Keegan bloke advertised and used in the 70s and, as a consequence, was unable to do anything football related throughout the whole of the 80s due to how many sexual activities he got himself embroiled in.

the Marlboro are a gift off of Spiros, who got them when he recently went to Tibet, or Japan, or Panama or somewhere. no, i don't particularly care where it is he went,; i am just pleased that he got back safely enough to give us some Marlboro. cheers, Spiros, nice one man.

i am thinking that if i combine the scent of the Brut with the sight of the Marlboro sticking out of my pocket, then the sexual magnetism i exude naturally will be accentuated to Rod Stewart levels. this could be quite class. also, i am considering buying a copy of all that Fifty Shades Of Grey book to read on the bus with the above on the go, although that might make everything go all Robin Asquith.

could i enhance my sexual magnetism any further than the two products above? why, yes i could it would seem, as Poundland have a few items that could help. let me go there tomorrow.

the Lynx Gold Shower gel is a no-brainer. nothing on earth sounds as exciting or sexy, after all, as a shower of gold, or if you like golden shower, although in respect of the if you like interpretation there Spiros once mentioned a golden shower to me. i don't recall the specifics, but i do recall it sounding unhygienic. 

it is the shampoo i am most excited about in the above. yes, dear reader, i am contemplating a change. whereas for nearly thirty (!) years i have been a lemon in the shampoo sort of chap, the idea of my hair having a Moroccan shine to it is, indeed, exciting. i might, for the sake of a pound, have a go with 200ml of this shampoo, just to see how it all works out.

to further accentuate or otherwise enhance my sexual magnetism, i might well get a new phone. no, not one of them Samsung iGalaxy Apple things, for they are not proper phones as they do not have buttons. i am pretty sure that this one here is now available in a perfectly serviceable if somewhat rudimentary mobile version.

the erotica phone, or perhaps the phone of erotica, just looks absolutely awesome man. i mean, it looks pretty good in itself for what it is, but just look how amazing that dude in the picture looks using it.

the major problem i have here is the payment. not the saucy $69.99 that they charge for it, but the method of payment they want. apparently you have to have a visa, a mastercard and an american express credit card, according to the wording of that advert. i am not at liberty to say if i have one of those, but i can state with no hesitation that i do not have all three. whereas it would be smart to have all three, and do some of them class "pyramid scheme" sort of payment tricks with them, i simply don't. so presumably i am not in fact the target market for this very, very smart looking telephone.

right, then. Bullseye is now on, so it is time to stop contemplating my sexual magnetism and instead watch the master, Jim Bowen, exude his. after that it will be time to get some rest ahead of a week in which my sexual magnetism will, apparently, be extolled and expanded upon.

hope you've all had a smashing weekend.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Post a Comment