Friday, November 21, 2014

lace, scratch and coffee

hi there

yeah, i know, i am sorry, updates have been far and few between here recently. i hope that the quality of the posts has at least made up for the lack of volume. sorry, just not much of interest and not a great deal of time to compose my thoughts.

that said, watch this go right ahead and be some really poor writing.

to play footloose and fancy free, or if you like three, with the title of this post, let us commence with an insight into the world of scratch. that would be, of course, what with this being England and everything, the scratch of a card, look you see, or scratchcards, or even "scratchies".

i took this picture for the benefit of Spiros, who as many of you know is quite enamoured with the ways of English men and wishes to emulate them. to this end he has taken to gambling with some formidable passion. as far as i am aware he has limited this to squandering coins of money on the outcome of sporting events he barely understands and cares rather less for. i felt, then, it only fair to give him a look at the phenomenon of the "scratchie", as he would have a fighting chance of comprehending if he had won or lost.

if the above picture to you looks like it is a gent walking along doing a "scratchie" at around 8am whilst the rain falls all around him, that would be because this is precisely what it is you are seeing. one can only admire the dedication this chap has to the chance of winning a few bob off of one of them.

do i do scratchies? no. i don't do much in the way of gambling, if any at all really. nothing against it as such, just never really felt any great pull or desire to do it. best of luck to all them that do it, i guess, in particular of course Spiros, for if he wins then that is one less thing for him to moan about.

have i by any chance found a reason to go back to the haberdashery store i mentioned in the previous post to this one? why yes, of course. a friend requested "some lace". when i asked for specifics they said that they were not at all fussed, so long as i went to the same haberdashery store.

i understand why they did this and i can understand you are getting all hot under the collar at the thought of me telling some stories about sordid exchanges from the ladies there. alas, it was all rather dull and sewing business this time, sorry.

here is some lace that i did not buy for that friend, but did get for my (considerably) better half so that she may fashion something or other from them. 

those of you who have an understanding or insight of me will appreciate this somewhat. i have fulfilled a long-standing ambition of mine in that i have been holding earnest business conversations with, to be frank, pimps. as a consequence, i have gained some understanding and insight into how they do things.

here, then, are my findings from dealing with pimps in selected areas of the United Kingdom.

Cardiff - quite straightforward and businesslike. something of a no-nonsense approach - no niceties but also not rude. no constructive business has been conducted as such as yet, but it has been a thoroughly productive exchange of business information and concepts thus far.

Norwich - no response as such as yet. my first thought was that they did not do "that sort of thing" there and the lack of replies suggests that i was perhaps correct. my knowledge of the place is limited to Alan Partridge and that football team that plays in the vicinity of the place, the name of which escapes me for the moment.

Scotland - abrasive, crass, vile, rude and offensive. a major disappointment, really. i was not surprised to discover after the fact that they attracted very little in the way of business opportunities, for the stats do not lie, going on the way they made threats - yes threats - about "ignoring" me. still, they took the time to suggest i was working in the wrong art form, which was an act of kindness i suppose. perhaps if they were any good at their chosen vocation they would not have so much free time available to dispense career advice.

Kent - actually i cannot recall if i made contact in this respect but if i did they have not replied.

London - truly, a surprise and an eye opener. although we were unable to conduct any business at this time, they were most agreeable, very polite, complimentary and positive. the pimps of Scotland can learn much from their counterparts in the capital, look you see. i was expecting some sort of cockney barrow boy, east end hard man stuff, but this was not the case at all. a genuine pleasure to discuss pimp business with.

i am not convinced that the above is of use to anyone, but i trust that it was all the same of some interest to at least one of you. if i have reason to discuss any further business, i shall surely do my best to remember to give further updates here. obviously, perhaps, i shall not be discussing business with any pimps in Scotland.

anyway, coffee. as Christmas is coming ever closer, loads and loads of places are, like, totes doing all the Christmas stuff. my coffee proprietor of choice is very much in this mindset, and it's a jolly good thing that they are. behold, for here is my morning Christmas coffee.

i understand the above gives some information about my morning routine away; information that could make life a good deal easier for anyone wishing to embark on yet another assassination attempt. well, so be it. i mean, let them try. by virtue of the fact that i am not yet dead i have a theory that i am in fact immortal anyway. also, as i have always made it clear that i am not against state sponsored assassination, so i can hardly with a straight face cry foul if i find myself on the business end of it.

anyway, that will do for now. if we are all lucky, i will have something of interest to tell you the next time i get the chance to post!

hope you all had a smart week and go onwards to have an ace weekend.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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