Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Phil Collins and the Riddle of the Flux Capacitor

hi there

you perhaps do not need me to tell you that one of the greatest fears shared by most of the population of Earth in the present day is that Phil Collins may one day resolve the riddle of the flux capacitor and engage in time travel. it is, however, something i feel obliged to remind you of - all too many people seem to hope that if we just pretend it can't happen then it won't happen.

exactly what would happen to us all if Phil added the power of flux capacitor ability to his already worringly large list of skills? lots and lots of scary things. for a start, Phil's journey through the waves of time would leave a worrying imprint on the minds of every living being, carving scars across their souls that will never heal or fade with time, since Phil will control time.

i can give you a glimpse of how this imprint will look, thanks to the magic of MS Paint, a blueberry camera phone and VH1 Classic's bizarre decision to show Phil Collins videos. here is my artists impression, but be warned, you cannot unsee what you will see.

really scary, isn't it? in all likelihood, Phil Collins will not just use the power of flux capacitation to witness the growth of his beard once again; there can be little or no doubt that he shall rethread the fabric of time and displace the order of events as we have come to accept them.

the most worrying change he will make is, according to my good friend Jonathan Granville, most likely to visit inter-war Germany and ensure that Cliff Richard in the altered universe of Phil Collins is in fact German.

for what good reason and to what end Phil Collins might do this is open to speculation. all i know is that the Cliff we know and love today shall cease to exist. the champion of Eurovision and virginial tennis will be no more, instead we shall only know in passing of a Dortmund based singer who every now and then challenges the supremacy of David Hasselhoff and Scooter in the German pop market.

some of you may think there's no problem whatsoever if Phil Collins decides to do this. that would be an unwise path of ignorant thinking to follow. with a much more liberal, encouraging approach to sexual shenaningans than he experience in Britain, Cliff Richard may be encouraged to reproduce. an heir to the Cliff Richard dynasty may not be all that bad a thing, but what if Phil Collins fiddles with time to the extent that he makes it that Cliff Richard becomes the father of Boris Becker?

to underline the great danger in that scenario, Jonathan Granville has made available to me a picture of how Boris Becker would look if Phil Collins messed with a flux capacitor and made Cliff Richard his dad. i am now making this picture available to you.

Cliff would, in all likelihood, still make music. for a taste of how Cliff Reichhart Und Das Shadows Verboten would sound, Jonathan Granville has produced what he believes to be an accurate interpretation of how the Phil Collins via flux capacitor created German Cliff Richard would sound. do please, with some caution, click here to hear how Wired For Sound would sound if it was a weird German record.

if you are by any chance a resident of the grand social network, you may quite like to head over to Jonathan's facebook page thingie and click "like".

happy listening!

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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