Monday, November 02, 2015

further sexual prowess magnifying exploits

hey there

yes, i know. i am aware that there was a major announcement of great interest to me today, look you see. i shall try and slot in a mention of it later on in this blog post. mostly, though, it will be all of me further enhancing, or if you like accentuating, my sexuality.

indeed, my sexual skill and prowess is so powerful as it is in a natural state that expanding it carries some danger. i went ahead and did it anyway, dear reader, if for no reason nor risk beyond giving me something to write about here.

i was, over the course of the weekend, of a mind to shave my beard and moustache. not shave them off, as such, but to trim them substantially. as we are facing most peculiar weather these days (yesterday glorious warm sun; today visibility knacking fog), there's all sorts of humidity and other such sh!t to contend with which leaves the longer beard feeling somewhat of straw.

perhaps this is showing my age, but i felt that this time, on completion of shaving, i would take some aftershave to my skin, so that it may not be as itchy and as red raw as would normally be the case. my special shaving approach, you see, does not involve any nancy boy fanny business like shaving foam or worrying if i take some hints of skin off. i went off to buy some aftershave, then, and purchased this bottle which you should be able to see somewhere close to this text.

what was my motivation for purchasing this? the price. as you can see, Yorkshire Trading allowed me to buy this for £1, which was very reasonable indeed. they did have some presentation packs of other brands, but they were between £3 and £5. at £1, this Laghmani Gold said to me that this is all i need in terms of aftershave. also, Mani is an integral part of the name.

it is also the case, lest we forget, that price is no indicator of the quality or abilities of an aftershave. as my experiments with Versace Eros illustrated, fancy names and expensive selling prices do not guarantee that something will smell good. far from it. anyway, i cared not for how it would smell, i just wanted something to close, or relax, or open the pores after shaving, or do whatever it is that aftershave is actually supposed to do.  i don't know, i am not a fashionista.

this picture here is indeed one of me shaving. yes, i have my phone in view, in a mirror, and that is supposed to be my "duck face". have i done it right?

there is indeed more of my flesh on display than you might have cared to voluntarily see,  dear reader. sorry for that, but believe me, there was a lot more on show before i edited the picture. feel free to speculate on the number of inches and that.

indeed i did, as i have for the last 24 years, sing You Belong In Rock N Roll by the Tin Machine as i shaved. i have done this for 24 years as that's about how long ago that the Tin Machine released that song as a single, and the video for it was famous for predominantly showing Derek Bowie stood shaving. or maybe it was him cocking about with tweezers or something, now that i have had another look at it. here, here is a link to the video, feel free to have a gander yourself if you are all that bothered, see what you think of it. boss song, regardless. yeah, more of the Tin Machine later, but for now, back to this smart aftershave.

what are the qualities of this aftershave that can be expressed to you, the reader, with no ready means of being able to smell it? well, that it cost £1 remains pretty much the highlight, really, but there are other positives.

look, as you can see, it's got London in the name, as it is made by someone that calls themselves Perfume London. also, it is smart for sale in both the UK and the EU, as it has class flags to show this is the case.

if you are wondering what the thing in the red circle with the line through it is on the left, or right depending on which is your left and which is your right, it is a bunny rabbit. the text somewhat obscured by the power of the flash reads that no animals were used or harmed in the manufacture of this aftershave.

for many people, i know, the fact that no animals were used in the making of this aftershave will be as much of a draw as it is a reason to boycott it. flash, poncy, rich people with nothing better to do with their time do of course insist that some form of animal cruelty is involved in that which they do, whatever it is. they cannot, after all, wear smart red jackets and ride expensive horses and feel as if it were complete unless they have dogs tear a fox apart as they sip some sherry and watch. what strange people.

Halloween? of course. here you go, here is the 75% of my family that you all like a good deal more than you like me, and wisely so, it has to be said.

that's them, for the most part, in the outfits and make up and what have you that they went and did all of that "trick or treat" business in. quite smart, it was, by all accounts. my (considerably) better half did ask me to get a witch's hat for her, but i didn't bother, for surely logic dictates that any hat she cares to wear is, by default, a witch's hat.

but, back to the aftershave. what does it smell like? rubbing alcohol like what you find in gymnasiums and dodgy massage parlours. that's not my review; that is the review of my (considerably) better half. who, presumably, has had more experience of those places and rubbing alcohol than i have. i am quite prepared to take her word for it.

i should get another bottle and send it to Spiros. he goes to loads of places where they have rubbing alcohol applied to you by men. well, when i say loads of places, i think it's just the one Turkish bath that he goes to, but he does go lots of times.  also, if you are interested (he seems to think i am), he has within the last 24 hours lost the grey beanie he bought as a replacement for the black one. if you happen to find either the black or the grey beanie of Spiros, please leave a message here and i will let him know.

this aftershave also claims to be 80% alcohol. i have no idea if that's a good amount or bad amount in terms of aftershave, but i do know that it means Spiros will find it most agreeable to drink it.

so, after speculation that they had just gone away and proposed to stay away, The Stone Roses are doing more gigs in 2016. yay, nice one! it's with interest that i note the Manchester United loving band are doing gigs at the home of Manchester City.

will we be going? well, it's a lot shorter to travel this time. we shall try and get tickets - class if we do. and if we do, i would imagine i will go on and on and on about it here.

nope, there has been no news of an album. i am not at all sure they are keen on new music. as i have said time and again. as great as it is to have The Stone Roses as an active concern once more, i do miss the thrill of new music featuring either Mani or Ian Brown.

i am led to believe that every year an area of rainforest the size of Belgium is destroyed. i don't get this. just who is it that's behind this very thinly veiled threat to Belgium? i mean, what could it possibly be that the Belgians are doing that every year someone goes out and destroys an absolutely massive amount of  trees to show Belgium what could happen to it over the course of 365 days if they are not prepared to change their ways? i've only ever had very limited exposure to or time in Belgium, but i honestly cannot fault the place or the people. i think the world would be a better place if we allowed Belgium to be Belgium, and we all stopped destroying an area of rainforest the size of Belgium every year to prove some sort of warped point. in an absolute worst case, i really doubt it would take a whole year to destroy Belgium anyway, making the whole thing all the more pointless.

so, the Tin Machine. yes, this Thursday will mark 24 years since i was at the Newcastle Mayfair, watching and listening to them do their thing.

how do i propose celebrating? i've made a smart mix of their music for the car, and i will take the car off on a journey on the anniversary day. not, though, to Newcastle. perhaps i shall go to Durham instead, or similar.

how did it all go after i applied the aftershave to my skin once i had finished shaving, an action you can see me engaging in once more with another picture of me somewhere near this text? ok, i suppose. it didn't burn and it didn't feel like i was just throwing water on. in terms of scent, kind of bland and unobtrusive, truth be told. so it didn't really magnify or enhance my sexual prowess in any direct or overt way. sorry for the misleading title, in retrospect.

it, to my nose at the least, smells a lot better than that Versace Eros stuff, if that's of any use to you as information in passing.

right, that will do. more later on in the week, possibly closer to the weekend. this will be particularly all the more true should i survive my driving exploits to listen to my smart new CD to celebrate the anniversary of seeing the Tin Machine.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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