it's not too often that i do a rather serious post here, but this event calls for it. i am sure, dear reader, you have been left as shocked and horrified as i have by the recent events in Harrogate. a truly freakish, somewhat frightening incident that someone took the time, trouble and imagination to actually record in a newspaper.
if you have not seen the news story and wish to, here it is. be warned, though, for once you have read this you cannot un-read it. what you will bear witness to shall be forever etched in your mind.
obviously, out of a heartfelt wish to cause no more distress than has to be caused in reporting a matter like this, certain details have been deliberately left out of this story. there will no doubt be those of you who have a thirst for more information on this matter. i cannot help too much, but google maps has not yet been censored to the extent that the whole of Bilton has been blocked from access. here is an image from the map so that, if you wish, you can speculate as to where exactly this now infamous tree and most troublesome hat were specifically.
my best guess would be that it was in one of the trees near the schools. that said, the Bilton Cricket Club is somewhat notorious for having items in trees, so it could well have been found there. no one knows where exactly it was that Ms Bromance decided to walk on that fateful day and it is unlikely she will speak of it to members of the public.
we realistically have to aceept that it is 20 days before the hat in question could be ruthlessly destroyed. i say ruthless, but it is obviously going to be in the best interests of the residents of Bilton and the public at large that this be done. a strong, stern message must be sent to the world that Bilton shall not tolerate items in trees.
those of you of a strong will that wish to be present at the destruction of the hat, either to gloat or to make sure that this evil has been treated in what apparently is the appropriate manner by Harrogate standards, may be pleased to know there are some 40 hotels and B&B places in the Harrogate area. i suggest you book now in anticipation of attending the destruction of the hat, for if you leave it until the 1st week of April no doubt prices will spike due to the understandable demand for places to stay.
please do not lose faith in the world just because of this incident. i am pretty sure it is a one off, isolated event, and once the hat is gone no doubt the people of Bilton shall rebuild and get on with their lives.
be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!