Tuesday, April 11, 2017

identification clues


there are times, if not occasions, in this modern world where one might not be entirely sure of where they are. the more border control tightens at the gates of certain countries the easier it appears to be, look you see, to slip from one sovereign state into another. sorry, just a pause there for me to reflect that i spelt sovereign correctly at the first crack, a victory to be sure.

 let's assume for the minute that you have found yourself in an unfamiliar, possibly strange place. you are somewhat distressed and confused by this. for some reason you have decided that this, my blog, is your absolute best point of call to try and work out exactly where you are.

should, in admittedly peculiar circumstances, the above be true for you, below the nice picture are some questions to ask of yourself. feel free to answer internally or vocally, that's up to you.

right, here's the things to ask yourself

* are the people around me speaking something that sounds French, but only a proper language?

* do all the place signs simply point in the direction of Brussels rather than the name of where they are?

* am i surrounded by bureaucrats and people in shiny suits with badges that have MEP on them?

* are the only things  can see amount to EU legislative buildings and warehouses full of butter, milk and wine?

when i ask for help do people say sorry, they are going to an urgent meeting to discuss and plan the next set of meetings they will have relating to setting up meetings?

and finally

* does it feel like i am in France, but only if France was a proper country?

should most if not all of the above apply to the position you presently find yourself in, then congratulations, i am delighted to tell you that you are, as point of fact, in Belgium.


that there image above is indeed some fancy packaging which some chocolate off of Belgium which was kindly sent to me came in. as you can see, i would think, it's quite discerning, fancy and of a nature which suggests if there was any expense in making it to be spared, it was most decidedly not.

my above guide to where you are might have been a little unkind. no, not to France, to Belgium. the place does have a little bit of a reputation as being nothing more than the administrative centre of the European Union, but there is slightly more to the place than that. Jean Claude Van Damme, for instance, or however you spell JCVD. and Belgian chocolate, made in Belgium.

i would speculate that all you need to know of JCVD is something that you already know. except, perhaps, to say that my favourite films of his are Hard Target and Kickboxer. and pretty much any film which concentrates more on him doing his thing where he absolutely knacks everyone, less flexing his acting skill and prowess. should we be able to accept this, let's look at the Belgian chocolate in more detail. starting with this look at the even more fancy packaging inside the fancy envelope in came in.

yes, that struck me too. this Belgian chocolate, whilst called Babelutte on the outer packaging, has Dolfin written on it on this inner, provisionally final wrapping. perhaps this is some sort of brand name, or relates to the manufacturer.

the word "dolfin" also sounds like a reasonable stab at how one would spell "dolphin" phonetically. perhaps this chocolate, then,  is one of them tuna-friendly, pure dolphin products. my basic understanding of where chocolate comes from would suggest that cocoa plants are involved, along with sugar, and virtually nothing directly from the sea or any such body of water. i cannot claim any area of expertise in how Belgians do things, though, so who knows.

now, then, Scotland. as all of us in the (as is) UK who follow the news know, a vital question to ask about absolutely any matter in this day and age is what does Scotland think of it, and it must be ensured that Scotland's voice must be heard, even if louder than all others for the sake of equality.

out of respect for that, then, this possibly dolphin imbued chocolate was walked for five hundred miles for certification, and was then walked five hundred more, just to be returned back to where it came once more.

thus far, then, we have looked at two layers of wrapping for this Belgian chocolate. or, at least, you only presume we have. if you have been following this and have not simply scrolled down to this point, you have had no evidence at all presented to you to say that what's inside actually is chocolate, except my word and the fact that the packaging suggests that it is indeed chocolate. and the certification, most probably.

behold, then, or if you like observe, for here is the chocolate housed within the fancy wrapping what has dolfin written on it, with that wrapping itself housed in a most splendid and luxuriant envelope.

well, yes, ok, this is just some of the chocolate that was in it. the business end, if you like, should you take business end to mean the last parts. i had pretty much eaten it all before i thought "hang on, my dear readers here will want to have a look at this". but look at how splendid this looks.

and yes, oh yes, it tastes most splendid. if Brussels, or if you like Belgium, was less EU bureaucracy and  more making splendid chocolates to dispense around the planet then the world would really, truly be a much finer and better place. the elaborate and fancy packaging on this chocolate was appreciated, but ultimately it simply served as a superfluous and unnecessary barrier to getting at the chocolate as soon as possible.

perhaps the packaging was required to ensure an image of sophistication and class was projected, and in fairness it probably helped ensure that it arrived in good condition and certainly in a far from melted form. but, still.

how is it that i came into ownership of this chocolate? it was most kindly presented to me by a friend. they went, as shown above and in ways which for security cannot be revealed, to quite a good deal of trouble to make sure i got it. whilst i appreciate it greatly, i am not sure they shall in turn have taken just how fast i ate it as a sign of such, so i shall remain silent on that topic.

and on that note, this would be that, or that would be this, for the time being, then.bar saying that should my helpful questions to ask yourself have helped, do enjoy your time in Belgium.

esti bonega al la alia !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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