well, i'll be. this is, look you see, what i imagine will be a quite welcome return for a number of you. it is a tale of abandoned footwear which i have spotted on my travels. on previous experience some of you seem to quite like these adventures, and it must be somewhat frustrating that images and tales have been so sorely lacking here of late.
let me get on with it, then, and show you an image of the abandoned shoe which i saw on my travels today.
indeed the shoe is all shiny and glittery and sparkly and silver in tone, as you can more or less see quite clearly in the above picture. it is, i would wager, the shoe of a lady. or a transgender, i must say, in these enlightened times of political correctness and making up terms for the sake of it.
actually, i do see far more abandoned shoes than i have reported on them here. not a day goes by, it feels, where i don't see at least one item of footwear which has been cast aside. there is, evidently, a proclivity amongst the patrons of the many nightspots the town offers to discard shoes. i'd like to think that it is people taking them off to beat fellow patrons with, but you never know.
this morning, due to factors such as gusts of wind and an inconsistent approach to applying styling gel, my hair had no concept. well, it did, but not a very good one. on one side of my head - the right, if you insist on specifics - was slicked back, whereas the other (left, yes) was all sort of flourished and spiked.
as i had understandable concerns about people pointing at me in a most trite and mocking way, as if to take me to task, i went to the beautician section of Pound Land. in amongst all of their usual beautician items - cock pills, One Direction or if you like 1D branded things, ging seng (or whatever) infused postions and so forth - i found a packet which contained a significant number of combs. twelve in total, i believe, although not all of them are pictured here. colour? some are black, some are pink. i think six of each, which would unless i am terribly mistaken bring you to a total of twelve.
was i enabled with this purchase to address the concerns i had with my hair? to be sure i did, so i did, but not in any satisfactory way and besides people tend to point at me anyhow.
but, i wager, you want more of the shoe. i do hope, it has to be said, that the lady who was wearing this made it home, wherever that might be, safe and sound despite being at least one shoe down on the usual amount. if it happened to be the case that the lady had taken it off herself in order to beat someone - a gentleman caller, perhaps, whose overtures were spurned, or maybe even a fellow lady who attempted to encroach on the affections of her proposed groom - then i hope they got the beating which they would, you assume, thoroughly deserved. i, for one, would trust the judgement of any lady who wore such magnificent shoes, and so if she had determined they required a beating then that would suffice for me. in particular, of course, as it was not me who was the recipient of said beating.
it would be nice to think that, in this day and age, some dashing young gent might be inclined to do one of them "Prince Charming" things, right, and take this shoe off to test on the feet of the ladies of town, hoping to find the fair maiden who lost it and win over both her hand and her heart. alas, such an action, i fear, would in this era simply see the dashing young gent be placed on the sex offender's register. that would probably explain why the shoe you see remained laid where it presumably fell for the majority of the day today.
well, there you go. if anything else exciting like this happens, and indeed if i can forge the time to write about it, i shall certainly do so. for whatever reason you read all of this, thank you very much indeed for doing so.
be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!