Friday, April 01, 2016

The Concert For Nkandla

and hello to you!

The start of April is, look you see, traditionally a time to release major news which seems so remarkable that it often beggars belief. It would be fairly apt, then, for news of a “Free Nkandla” concert to be announced.

For those that don’t know, Nkandla, pronounced “Yookuntya”, is the modest, somewhat restrained private residence of incumbent South African President, the highly thought of Jacob Zuma. Despite featuring only the basic requirements of home that you’d find in any council flat or terraced house, such as an amphitheatre, a swimming pool and a private shopping center for the exclusive use of the platoon of private guards stationed there, people who claim to understand the law and the constitution of the country better than either the beloved President or the faultless Government have questioned whether the taxpayers should be funding the residence. This questioning has gone as far as the legal conclusion being made that President Zuma should pretty much be expected to pay for his house himself, as if he were just some sort of normal person.

President Zuma is believed to be quite distressed about this. Whilst once a year or so he condescends to acknowledge that taxpayers have been bled dry by policies and economic decisions that have yet to be accepted as working, deep down he knows he believes that the people love him, and cherish all the great things he has done as leader. This is despite the fact that the overwhelming majority of his acts of greatness are complete secrets, and few if any of the positive achievements are public knowledge.

With this in mind, he is absolutely sure that the taxpayers are delighted to bleed some more for him, and will make whatever sacrifice is necessary for him to have just a few of the basics in his new home, such as bullet proof glass in every window and a series of full size football pitches. Now it seems the world of music, sport and entertainment are rallying to the cause.

An epic concert has been proposed to raise funds towards dismantling this so-called Constitutional Court which has had the oppressive temerity and nerve to stand between a President and tax payers money.

A number of pop stars from the 80s, in particular Bono off of U2, Jim Kerr off of Simple Minds and Sting off of Newcastle, were very vocal in their opinionated view that if South Africa just got rid of apartheid then everything would be magically perfect in the country with no further problems at all. In showing that they didn’t just mouth off about this in order to sell more records and impress the chicks with how cool they were, they are widely anticipated to be horrified by the denial of the most basic right of a home for the President and organize a concert in support of a house for Zuma. The very best of South African music talent, as well as Jack Parow and Steve Hofmeyr, are expected to make a very small, token appearance at the lower end of the bill of the concert.

Although the final line up and venue have yet to be determined, the full details are expected to be ready by lunch on April 1. It is understood that the ANC are planning on being slightly tolerant and partially accepting of an apology from the Estate of David Bowie over the matter of his death being used as an excuse for him not supporting the event.

Music is not the only sector which is expected to react to the harsh treatment of Zuma in respect of a simple home for himself and his eighteen wives. Most film studios are expected to cease releasing movies in South Africa until President Zuma has a taxpayer funded cinema within Nkandla to watch them in. FIFA, the ICC and the IRB are all anticipated to call for a new sports boycott of the country too.

Tony Blair and George W Bush, the two men credited with bringing universal peace and safety to our present day world, are believed to have sent private messages of support to President Zuma. Barack Obama is believed to be particularly distressed about the fact that his Presidency will come to be seen as a failure due to this harsh, barbaric treatment of a fellow President being allowed to happen on his watch.

Should any more news or developments happen in regards of “The Concert For Construction”, I will do my best to post them here.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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