Sunday, July 06, 2014

mentalist french windscreen wipers

hello there

just how little i have driven, or if you prefer how much i have managed to avoid driving, was illustrated by the fact that the day today was the first time ever i felt a need to have them windscreen wipers on. yes, that little driving, considering just how much England is celebrated for the rain festivals one can have.

those of you who would think to presume that i would not usually use the windscreen wipers even if the weather suggested it to be prudent and wise are correct, for i do not like to be all flash and attract attention. however, today it seems a wise approach to just put them on, as we shall discuss later.

i was quite surprised, as the title of this blog post might have suggested to you, as to what happened when i put the windscreen wipers on. i could describe it for you, or i could just invite you to watch a video of my (considerably) better half doing that parallel parking thing which i have no time for, with the windscreen wipers on to the max at my insistence.

yes. quite frantic and bonkers, the speed achieved, attained and indeed retained by those windscreen wipers. i think that they are the fastest windscreen wipers that i have ever seen.

just what is it that got into the French to design and then build such frantic, frenetic windscreen wipers, one must at this stage take a departure of sorts to ponder. i mean yes, just as you did, my initial thoughts were drawn to the idea that they are like that to enhance and simplify the most French of things. i mean, some white cloth or suitable material tied to those windscreen wipers would certainly make the anticipated announcement of surrender should a conflict break out anywhere in the world more pronounced, would it not? however, say if Papa New Guinea decided to invade the Christmas Islands, or similar, i think most at various bodies concerned - the UN in particular - would just take it as a given that the French had surrendered long before Pierre had plucked up enough of that fabulous, famous French spunk to make the effort to tie the white flag to a windscreen wiper.

most curious, then, that they should have done this. perhaps the French simply saw a gap in the market for holding the title of "fastest and most mentalist windscreen wipers in the world", and thus decided that they would make this title their own. they are, i believe, very welcome to it.

speaking of things French, i bought this today. no, not that, the other things. and yes, once again, this is indeed my (considerably) better half modelling things for me, for i suspected you all might be somewhat tired of just me doing selfie stuff.

if, to you, more or less everything in this picture says £3, then i applaud your The Price Is Right like skills of valuation and observation. the Guns N Roses vest type of t-shirt thing cost all of
£3, which is probably the cheapest, legit item of merchandise one can invest in to show off a celebration of the music of Izzy Stradlin and all them others that were in the band.

the toilet paper, which is indeed as point of fact the main point of focus and purpose here, cost £3 for the packet, which does indeed work out at some 33p per roll. we had no pressing need or urgency for the purchase of new toilet paper as such, but the price attracted me, almost in fact as much as the idea of toilet paper being in some way "enriched" with the presence of shea butter. i have no idea at all what "shea" butter is, but butter is butter so let us just assume and accept that it is in fact butter that one finds in their fridge or other butter storage facility. 

the idea of butter in toilet paper, to me, is exciting. actually, no it isn't. it was when i bought it, but now it is not. in retrospect is strikes me as a very, very French thing to do. i shall, no doubt, use it anyway, just to spite them, since they presumably sold this at a substantial loss.

going back to the windscreen wipers, and yes of course there is another video for you to look at them doing their thing. or doing their things, if that is right, since there are two. but they are one in the same, so i am quietly confident that thing is correct.

many thanks to my (considerably) better half for doing all that parallel parking thing with the windscreen wipers on as she did so.

would i, as normal, use windscreen wipers? no, i would not. for me, windscreen wiper use belongs in the same realm of nancy boys, twats, poseurs and general show-offs as indicators do. it's like "oh hey, everyone, look at me, look at me, look at what my car can do, am i not fabulous and special?". i have no interest in such bourgeois and socially divisive displays of opulence; going so far as to say that anyone who uses their indicators is basically saying to the world "i live in a world where i think the Conservatives should be even more brutal towards the poor", such is their apparent commitment to showing off their wealth by doing things like showing off their indicators and windscreen wipers.

ah, some of you might say, but windscreen wipers are important and essential. are they? really? it rains a lot in Europe, yeah? how many windscreen wipers did Napoleon use when he conquered most of Europe? really? none? that many? i think you get the point here. windscreen wipers and indicators are merely ways to increase the cost of cars to the proletariat and allow the oppressive, ruling classes a means to display their wealth. think about that the next time you use yours.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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