seven

hey there

yes, as means of an introduction, it is indeed still quite mild here, look you see. but exceptionally windy. hence me being inside typing this rather than outside, doing whatever it is that i might be doing outside. alas, all i have to write about is something that a good many people have already written about. what the heck, i might as well throw my views in, or as it were out there.

yeah, Episode VII is for some reason the number one subject of discussion in the world at the moment. it is the only kind of war on anything that people want to discuss, despite the wars on terror, climate change and quality footwear being at the forefront of what our beloved, most trusted politicians are doing to make the world awesome for us.

in the majority of cases, or if you like your fancy words it is predominantly that people are speaking of, if not discussing, all this Episode VII business in positive, good terms, like it is a very excellent thing. i disagree somewhat. i suspect, over time, others shall agree with me to disagree, but we shall see.

of course i cannot make a statement such as the one i just have without justifying it our qualifying it, lest i sound like a complete toss. in order that i might, then, sound at best only like a partial toss, this blog post is going to be all about explaining why i don't think Episode VII was all that good, and further why i am baffled about the revival of it.

obviously the film is not presently out on DVD, Blu Ray,  VHS or pirate download thing, so you must please bear with me with the poor quality pictures taken off screen of it.

related to the above is, of course, the problem that the excitement around the revival of Episode VII is such that fans cannot contain themselves in the cinema, whooping and cheering and applauding from the moment the film starts.

i suspect that this is, weirdly, exactly why the revival of Episode VII is so popular. people are unable to hear it properly in the cinema, so they are just imagining that what it is they are seeing must be good. let's have a look at why it isn't.

they have left it too long between episodes to be relevant

the gap between Episode VI and Episode VII is something like five years, man. that's half a decade. most of the world has already moved on, and no longer cares for an ancient relic of cinema. well, except for all them people who have paid loads of money to go and see it.

it's essentially the same story told for the seventh time

that's a bit harsh, i suppose. it's easy to forget how fresh, original and exciting the first one of the films was. it is all the easier to forget when you consider the fact that Epsiode II through to VI basically rehashed the exact same story, in at least three cases to the extent of having the same bad guy and the same ultimate weapon, or whatever it was.

and that's not all that remains essentially the same.

it's the same old actors posting in the same old performances

the clever marketing made people think that bringing back some of the actors from the original films (more on that later) was a very, very good thing. the sad reality, of course, is that most of the original actors didn't do anything of consequence after Episode VI, and it was with good reason that they didn't get much other work. i mean, just look at them.

that you cannot picture any of these actors in anything other than the roles they played in the original trilogy and the controversial second one says it all. why are we all so excited about throwing money at actors for doing what is, ultimately, the only thing they can actually do?


they didn't bring back the right original actors

i believe that Episode VII could easily have been a success if they had brought back some actual favourites of the fans. they didn't. i mean, imagine if they made another Space Wars film and didn't have Lando or Lobot in it? what a mess that would be.

i don't know this as fact, but i would suspect that at the time of making Episode VII Steve Guttenberg was not doing all that much - surely a deal could have been brokered to have him appear in it, even if it was, after all this time, just to kill him off.


poor "new" villains

i say "new", but in truth the baddies in Episode VII are just a rehash of the earlier six. here, have a look.
 

outside of the big baddie of the first episode, and maybe the well organized mob at the heart of Episode II, all villains in all episodes have been bumbling idiots. this has made it very handy for the heroes, also predominantly bumbling idiots, to catch them and emerge victorious. this is all well and good for the ease of simplistic morality telling, but it's all getting quite tired.

this screenshot here is of some of the baddies off of Episode VII. you know they are the baddies because, as was the case in previous films, they are wearing that kind of hat, very specific kinds of jackets and, of course, gloves.

whilst i understand a degree of repetition is required to ensure some sort of thematic consistency and continuity across the arc of the series, would it really have killed them to mix it up a bit and throw a new force of evil at us for Episode VII? it gets boring watching the same enemy being beaten again and again.

a lack of proper merchandising and promotion

you have to ask why exactly did they go to the trouble of reviving the concept and making Episode VII with some of the original actors and then not bother promoting it or advertising it properly. despite what you might think, Episode VII only opened in a very small number of movie theatres on initial release, limiting the chance of success and cutting the prospects of fans who might be interested in seeing it.

also, with all the fuss and the song and dance, the marketing and merchandising possibilities were not properly exploited by the studio. you might think that there is, or was, a lot of promotion, but none of it was in the right direction.

take, for example, the vehicles of Episode VII. no matter what hysterical, out of proportion complaints have been made over the years about the previous six films, there was universal love for the vehicles. can you, however, get a branded Episode VII vehicle like the ones in this picture? of course you cannot.

to me, personally, the vehicles were always the least interesting part of the story. many, however, seem to think they are the best bit. one particular triumph, i have to admit, of Episode VII was the sequence you can see a picture of here, which was all quite an exciting chase and battle sort of thing. and yet the kids are unable to go into a shop and get a replica of the vehicles used in the sequence. oh, sure, you can get something that looks similar and just pretend, but alas the generation coming through today lacks the imagination to do this.

wasteful use of renowned and celebrated European actors

getting a well known, highly regarded actor of a non-American status to be in a film briefly has always been a fast and easy way to get cheap credibility for a movie. more often than not, however, it turns out that their talents are just wasted. Episode VII is sadly no different in this regard.
 

yeah, that's right. they got an established European actor - one that had played a Bond villain, no less - to be in Episode VII and all they did was shove him in brown and give him a stick.

unsatisfactory ending

one of the biggest concerns about Episode VII, even amongst the most dedicated fans, was that it would not be a "complete" film like the other six were. there was a suspicion it would be, at best, only half a story, with no satisfactory ending. this is sadly exactly what happened.

as you can see in the above clip, Episode VII does not so much end as it does just stop, with the story presumably to be concluded in Episode VIII. so you end up with people paying the full movie ticket price for only half a film. that sucks, man.

handing over to a new generation

a justification for bringing back some of the original actors for Episode VII was given as being so that they may have a "respectful" handover of the saga to a new generation of actors. an example of this is in the picture below, maybe. 

would it not really have been better to let a new generation find their own stories to tell, rather than having the continuation of one told six times already forced on them as some sort of burden of continuance? just like Guardians Of The Galaxy showed how making any more Space Wars films would be a waste of time as there are suitable new stories with new characters for the kids of today, it should have been the case that Police Academy was left alone and not forced on a new generation.

i understand that both the box office and quite possibly your more positive feelings about Episode VII : Mission To Moscow are likely to be at odds with my interpretation, but all the same thank you for taking the time to read my point of view.




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

water

hello there

greetings from what i am assured, look you see, is one of the mildest December evenings that the highly envied plains of Yorkshire has ever experienced. it's still rather too windy for my liking, hence me being inside writing this instead of outside smoking. so, if you like, you are welcome to read this in the knowledge and spirit that you are in some way contributing to my health. for better or worse.

sorry about  the introduction; i sometimes struggle to write something there which does not rob me of material to use for "wraparound" text on pictures. which does not actually wrap around the pictures if you read this on a mobile device, which stats say many of you do.

behold, indeed this is allegedly volcanic water  housed, or if you like bottled, in Space Wars themed bottles.

a natural proclivity would be to get Darth Vader and that most feared Cylon of them all, Boba Fett. they did have other characters, like that wolf man one that growls and the gay yellow robot, but at £1 a pop i felt it best just to limit investment to these two.

with the marketing of this new Star Battles film being relatively low key it was interesting to see that, of all things, water should be branded as part of a celebratory marketing and sales push. not just any water, mind - no this is water drained off of volcanoes (a phenomenon of nature one would not normally associate with anything along the lines of moisture) and sold, in convenient 500ml (about a pint) bottles for £1 at a go. yes, really, £1 for a bottle of water. water that i dare not drink, frankly, for it is of a higher net value that i would usually intake.

the boys had no such hesitation, however, as their finances were not impacted by the purchase. James reports that this specially branded water tastes like Star Wars, whatever that is, whilst William says that it just tastes like water. ergo, dear reader, the taste of Star Wars, whatever that is, is in fact water. i trust that this will be of use to you who wish to have an immersive experience of watching or doing a Star Wars.

speaking of investment, i was in HMV earlier today and i came very close indeed to seriously limiting my ability, from a financial perspective, to do the grocery shopping tomorrow. two of these very nearly got bought, so they did.

i wasn't at all sure that i saw or "got" the point of these Vinyl "Pop!" things until i saw The Dude and Walter off of The Big Lebowski beautified in this format. they are well smart, they are. Spiros, and quite possibly my Dad, will be off to have a look at buying them once they have seen the above.

another look at the fancy volcano water in Space Killers branded bottles? ok.

 

a point of interest would be, so far as i know, that neither of these characters appear in the new film that the branding is all presumably about. both sort of got killed by death in Episode VI, so their presence in Episode VII : Mission To Moscow would be most peculiar.

still, one can use these two bottles to recreate the magic of any of the two or three scenes they had together in Episode V, i suppose. i may well go off and spend a part of the evening doing precisely that whilst i wait for the wind to die down enough for me to go out and fail in quitting / cutting down considerably with all that smoking business.



live long and prosper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

vibes

hey there


today i bought not one, not three, but two new "singles", look you see. sadly, it's the totes modern, millennial version of a single, but hey ho, vibes are vibes.

both of these singles are widely available to hear in high quality around the net, and indeed of course to buy for coins of money too. some of you, however, seem to for some reason quite like hearing low grade off screen recording samples, so here you go.

first off, his eminence Derek Bowie has elected to grace our ears with another cut off of his forthcoming album. whilst i was gloriously indifferent to the first offering, Blackstar, this one is very good indeed. kind of like how with the grand return of The Next Day the first single, Where Are We Now, was crap, but the second, The Star Are Out Tonight, was mega ace boss brilliant.

that is indeed the single "artwork", taken off screen on my iPhone thing what i got off of Spiros, with Commodore 64 mode most decidedly on.

the single, Lazarus, is apparently from some sort of stage show, or if you like musical, that Bowie has flung together for the benefit of people living in New York with easy access to a theatre. cheers for that, squire - no, your fans around the world are not at all put out by a lack or inability to see it.

full credit, by the way, to my (considerably) better half. she clocked, as we watched the promo video thing for this last nightm that the broken up "black star" beneath the massive black star is done in such a way as it could be read to spell out "Bowie". this, you would feel if not think, is quite deliberate, and it's very reassuring to know that Bowie remains, at heart, a very, very sensitive luvvie who likes to have his ego massaged and pampered as frequently as possible. and, indeed, why not? what would be the point of being Derek Bowie if not to indulge your ego? the chap has earned it, several times over, and then some.

a ten or so second snippet off of the Lazarus single? it is decidedly so.

there's a wonderful flow to the music, with even the saxophone being not at all annoying. Bowie's vocal delivery is beautiful, and not affected or limited by any fannying around with voice synthesiser altering changing thingies, as was the case with the first half of Blackstar.

Derek Bowie once famously played Pilate on screen in the film The Last Temptation Of Christ. i suspect, however, that this song has no direct relation to this; no more at the least than it does to, say, Magic Dance or Dancing With The Big Boys.

what's that picture above, you ask? a failed attempt to send a Christmas card to a dear old friend. i should have perhaps checked that they were at the address i had before i sent it. still, nice of Royal Mail to try, draw over it with blue crayon and then return it with a reason as to why they didn't deliver it, all for the price of a fancy 2nd Class stamp.

right, on to arguably the greatest Christmas single since Bad News did Cashing In On Christmas, or perhaps even any version of Elton John's Candle In The Wind if for some reason you see them as being Christmas things.

yes, that magnificent b@stard that is Justin has returned with his absolutely b@stard awesome band The Darkness to bring us a tune called Christmas Time (Don't Let The Bells End). it's as awesome and as magnificent as, well, pretty much everything what The Darkness has done.

regrettably, the world has not yet caught up to Justin, and so it remains the case that there is nowhere on the planet that has a stereo loud enough to play his music at the correct volume it should be. with that in mind, here is a snippet for you to enjoy.

my chums over on Google Play are selling this for all of 19p at the moment, which probably if not undoubtedly means that Justin is not getting all that much in the way of royalties off of it. a shame. perhaps the Royals of England will pay a lot of money to licence this magnificent b@stard of a tune and have it play in the background as the Queen does her speech this year.

seriously, dear reader - go to other corners of the web and listen to both of these tunes properly. if you want my advice or recommendation, i would say yes indeed, both are worth purchasing.




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

eternal

hello there


earlier this year - April, as point of fact - i shared with you, look you see, quite an impressive statement of intent of love made upon a wall. as i have little or nothing else better to write of at the moment, at the least not which would not mean messing about taking further pictures and that, i thought i would give you a look at how, some 8 months later, the statement looks.

as you can see, it's still standing proud and going strong, remaining visible to all who pass it by.

the more cynical of you may well cast your gaze upon this and frown, for it is evidence of just how little Middlesbrough Council care for the buildings under their charge, considering no effort has been made to remove it. but let's rather look at the plus.

my initial thought of seeing it still there is wow. this has, after all, survived not only the zero effort of the authorities to clean it up, but also some ferocious and formidable weather conditions. also, it has you would think survived some formidable and ferocious types coming out of the Bongo on a night. none have tried to alter, change or remove it. whatever substance it is that they make purple nail polish, or if you like purple nail varnish, out of is pretty hardcore man. they should use the same substances to make things that they don't want to break or fade, really. as things stand, at the least, it shows that nail polish - or varnish - can be used quite successfully to make an eternal declaration of love forever. with, i admit, eternal and forever being, like totes the same thing.

another thought i had was that if this gesture, or if you will declaration of love was successful and some carnal congress occurred as a consequence not long after, there is every chance - assuming it was not an expression of the more homosexual form of love - that the lady involved, be it as the I or the U, is mere weeks if not days away from the birth of the result of that. nice one. if they follow the Beckham model of child naming i would imagine he or she will be named Bongo.

i trust that this update has been of some interest to a few, if not all, of you.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fit

hi there


every now and then one is struck by a poignant view, look you see, of what the true meaning of Christmas is. that, i confess, would be true if "every now and then" is translated as "frequently", for unless i am very much mistaken this has happened to me more than once in the last few posts i have made here.

to that end, or if you like the extent of the above, early this morning, as blue skies tried to broker peace between earth and clouds this mid-December, i was struck by  such a view.

it is, i confess, a rather tricky view to work out, but what you assume you are seeing is what you are seeing - a single, solitary black glove laid alone underneath the back end of a car.

actually, a lot of the above was waffle and superfluous, wasn't it?  i mean, by being single it is, like, totes obvs that it is solitary. and the unnecessary combination of the two pretty much tells you that it is alone. except it is not, of course - whilst it does not have another glove to serve as a partner, this glove - note the singular - does have rudimentary, and indeed perfectly serviceable, companionship in the form of the car. a car which, it is quite possible, had recently run over the glove, or was perhaps driven by a chap - or lady - that presently has one glove less than would be normal to own, if you were into owning gloves.

in what way does the above evoke, or if you like bring to mind, images and visions of Christmas? i thought that would have been obvious, but if not then it is of course the case that the sight of any glove immediately focuses thoughts on OJ Simpson.

it's quite eerie, really, how the above image - quite by chance - captured the mayhem, the excitement and the baffling turn of events of the mid-90s that was the OJ Simpson trial. other than this glove being black and synthetic instead of brown and leather, and other than the car being black and a saloon thing rather than a white Ford Bronco, it's basically the scene that the prosecutors, in their quest for a celebrity conviction, invited the jury to imagine and that the jury declined to.

how are our Christmas preparations going, 9 days before, so to speak, kick off? quite well, really. here are some items i have bought in advance of preparations.

yes, some purple tubs and some foil serving platters. indeed all of the above were purchased from Poundland.

what are we, or am i, going to do with the above that's Christmas related? i'm not quite sure yet, but surely we will think of something. perhaps we will get some biscuits or something similar in and shove them on one of the platters, maybe after leaving them in one of the tubs overnight as part of some ceremony to bring good luck upon those who eat the biscuits.

i am going to assume - and i freely admit that there is a strong likelihood of this being incorrectly the case - that you are at this stage rather more interested in the glove than the above, so here is another look at it.

whilst i profess i am no expert, i would suggest that this particular glove would make for a much better fit for OJ Simpson, or if you like "da Juice", than the ones that they tried to get him to wear in court. the lesson the rest of the world took from all of the shenanigans was that a founding principle of American law is that the statement "if the glove doesn't fit you must acquit" overrides any and all other matters brought before a court.

with, in respect of the above,  a particular emphasis on houseboys called Kaeto or some other such rubbish being disregarded in their entirety. whether or not any glove or anything else fitted anyone that you care to name.

anyway, that will do for now. there is a very good chance that over the next few days i shall see more items which bring to mind the true spirit, if not meaning, of Christmas. also, there is every chance that i shall not, of course. we will find out together, unless you abandon me like a glove and read no further.




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jingle

hey there


well, something of a surprise post, this, look you see, in every sense.

i was pottering around, minding my own business in the house. i had the tele on one of the music channels, right, and it happened to have one of them "Christmas themed" shows on, as you would expect for the time of year. if for some reason you need me to explain that, it's when they show a whole load of Christmas single videos. back from when, you know, singles were important and Christmas singles existed.

whatever i was doing was something i was distracted from when i heard a familiar song. no, i thought, surely they could not be playing that Christmas song. they were!

indeed, that is very much a quick picture i took off of the tele whilst the promotional video for Cashing In On Christmas by Bad News was on. i am assuming that whoever put together the selection of videos missed the point of their song somewhat, or otherwise (and i hope it's this one) knew exactly what they were doing.

the video is indeed showing the members of Bad News - from left to right Colin, Den, Vim and Spider - eating an awful lot of money for Christmas dinner. this is, presumably, happening at Kuala Lumpur airport.

for whatever reason it is that this video was selected to be a part of the Christmas video special i am very, very glad that it was. man, i love Bad News, as surely everyone who has ever heard them does. 

a snippet of the video? well, sure, here you go.

you would, i would wager, be better off clicking here to be taken to one of them "You Tube" videos of the whole thing, but if for some reason just a snippet in poor quality will do for you, then there you go.

is the single Cashing In On Christmas by Bad News cynical or honest? i mean, it's not like they are demeaning other splendid Christmas songs to make a point; they are as it happens being very direct in saying that they want the money.

seeing Bad News at random does have a sad side, of course. it's a reminder that this wonderful, lovely man is no longer with us. and he was wonderful and lovely, if just crap at the bass.

that's how i believe i want to remember him actually - surrounded by babes in leather, and with an awful lot of money and a smug look on his face. he would probably want for us to think of him like that too, except maybe with more money and more babes.

another snippet of the video? you would really be better off watching the full version with decent sound, but if you insist, here you go.

an interesting thing about the quality of the above video clip is that is the kind of quality people will be watching Space Wars Episode Seven : Mission To Moscow this weekend, after some nice French person or similar has made a video of it and shoved it on the net.

another picture of his excellence, Colin Grigson, with a huge amount of money? it is decidedly so.

well, no one is reading this bit anyway as you have all headed off to watch the proper version of this video. i certainly hope so, and i do trust that Bad News have reminded you of the true meaning of Christmas.




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

decoration

hello there

i would imagine that by now most of you who celebrate all things Christmas, look you see, will have put your decorations up. for those that have not this post may well be of relevance if not benefit, for some save, print, cut out and hang decorations will be coming your way down below.

but first, this. 

yes indeed, as you can see in all the glory of Commodore 64 mode, the Star Wars marketing machine presses onwards via the curious conduit of Tesco shopping bags. now they have shoved the presumed new bad guy on one of them, Kylo Ren or Rylo Ken or something like that.

best this new film be good, really. Disney have gone overboard ramming the marketing down our throats. this, i know, is saying something, considering how heavy handed the original six films marketing and tie-ins seemed from time to time.

this Kylo is presumed to be the bad guy. there are some curious theories about him, such as he is in fact Boba Fett in a new outfit, or he turns out to be the nancy farm boy from the first three films what faked being an orphan in order to score benefits. i've no idea on them, but i do like the rumour that Max Von Sydow is in as the "force ghost of Obi Wan" or something.

to be honest, i am more excited about that She-Hulk off of Game Of Throne being a female stormtrooper. i likes a lady in uniform, i do to be sure. 

oh yeah, Christmas decorations. the most recent edition of WWE Kids had, as well as a smart beanie, some cut out and hang Christmas decorations free with it. i thought i would scan it in and share it here, then, for all you wild, crazy-ass WWE fans who do not have access or reason to the magazine.

what i like about this is that it has all of my favourites off of WWE, or if you like WWF, on it and done up in a way that reflects how the true meaning of Christmas is relevant to wrestling.

who are these people? from the top and from the left, as one is supposed to read, you've got the rejected Dungaree Man off of the Village People, her off of that Xena Warrior Princess show (probably), the oversized Diddyman off of Ken Dodd, the rejected Rubber Man off of the Village People and Sheamus.

should you print out and use this, please go and give some money to a wrestler, that way the WWF or whoever won't be all upset about me sharing it here.

the back of the Kylo Ren shopping bag? it's pretty much a copy and paste on repeat of a stormtrooper sort of thing, but if it is of interest to you, here you go.

well, one of the stormtroopers has some sort of red badge on his shoulder. he must be the leader or something, i expect.

am i going to the cinema to see Episode VII : Mission To Moscow? no. a bit tricky to arrange a babysitter, it's very expensive, here in England you get 45 minutes or so of adverts and the screenings will invariably be filled with people dressed as Cylons, Vulcans and what have you, making masturbatory howls and whoops every time one of them off of the original films comes, as it were, on screen. and they are very welcome to do this, but let me not intrude on their pleasure.

for all of you heading off to the movies to see it this week, may it be as good as you, and indeed i, hope it is and enjoy yourselves!




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ambassador

hey there

it is a widely regarded theory, if not fact as such, that although i downplay it i do have a tendency to move in some rather influential circles. it is for this reason, i presume, that so many of you come along and read this blog daily - not so much for me, look you see, but for the off chance of a glimpse of the greatness who for some reason associate with me from time to time.

the events of this weekend, then, shall most likely please those of you who come along for such reasons. i was, to put it bluntly, summoned to attend an informal yet dignified court established to welcome the return of our region's ambassador to Botswana, or something like that.

yes, that's right, our provincial ambassador to Botswana, or wherever, is picture here with me. he is on the right or left, depending of course entirely on whether or not you have some smart quasi-Australian settings on the go on your browser of choice. basically, the one who is less beard, more ambassadorial in look.

the purpose of an ambassador is, strictly speaking, to be ambassadorial in another country, diplomatically representing the province from which they hailed. they rarely return to the point of origin unless they have been recalled due to some misunderstanding, invariably sexual in nature. i can confirm that our ambassador to Botswana, or wherever, was back for no such reason. i cannot give details of why, though.

a court set up for the return of an ambassador would not be much of one if it were just me there to greet him. as such, other dignitaries were present. well, one. we were delighted to have the presence of the mostly self-anointed Viscount of Stockton at the formal greeting.

indeed, in a rather crass move - which is why he is merely a Viscount rather than an ambassador - he is showing of a paper based confirmation of access to an awful lot of money. some of the money he is showing of was, i am led to believe, partially gained by perfectly legal means.

what, you sat? an image of myself, our ambassador to Botswana and the self-declared Viscount of Stockton all together? such a portrait does break with protocol somewhat, for i myself am bereft of any official or made up title, but why not.

it would have been exceptionally rude and inappropriate for me to have declined presence in the above portrait, for it was taken by a most splendid device which the ambassador had brought with him from Botswana, or wherever. i believe he referred in passing to it as an "Apple", which is a most curious name for a camera based contraption. most would naturally associate the word apple with a record label of some distinction, but far be it from me to question the naming of things which are made in Botswana.

where did this meeting happen? protocol dictated that the court needed to be established in the MIMA. there are strict guidelines in place where association meetings which feature both an ambassador and a Viscount may be held, and the MIMA ticked, so to speak, the boxes. it was the MIMA or the HMV, and the last time i checked HMV do not sell coffee. to hold court with a Viscount, never mind an ambassador, and not have coffee available would be an unforgivable faux pas.

a final image for you, then, of me with the esteemed Viscount of Stockton.

i am led to believe that the title of Viscount of Stockton is more of a ceremonial one than it is a constitutional one, but there are certain privileges which the rank affords the incumbent one self-proclaimed to be serving in the role. the best, i would imagine, is having "Viscount of Stockton" emblazoned on your stationery. that would certainly give them something to think about down at Arriva when you wrote to them on one of the letterheads with that on, asking why exactly they now daily run more buses proclaiming to be "not in service" than they do actual service buses.

it was indeed the case, as you perhaps hardly need me to illustrate or point out, that both the ambassador and the Viscount were most displeased by the fact that Spiros was not present. both have a great admiration for this affable chap, and were very keen to meet him. perhaps one day.

should your weekend have been one which featured the kind of formal ceremony which mine did then i trust it went most splendidly. if it was the case that you simply had a normal, regular kind of weekend, well then my wish is that it was good.




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gillespie

hey there


as i sit to compose this for your benefit a particular memory, look you see, comes to mind. a compliment, no less. it requires a bit of background, i suppose, in particular for them f*****g "millennials" that have instant access to absolutely everything and yet demand more. bear with me, then, we will get to the point of this post eventually.


once upon a time the record industry had total dominance over how, and to an extent when, you could access music. a result of this was that, seemingly for fun, record labels often made some releases "exclusive" to certain countries. which pretty much, if you will excuse some more foul language, f****d over fans of artists not in that particular country, as there was no such thing as "downloads" or "streaming". we did, however, have classifieds in music magazines.

a Derek Bowie single got released back in 91, maybe 92, on CD. it was for some reason made a USA only release. whilst this made a very, very nice change from something being a Japan only release, it was still of not much use to us who lived more in England than the USA. thanks to the classified section of the music press, however (note - f*****g "millennials, read "classified section of music press" as either "eBay" or "illegal download site"), i was able to order and get the CD single. and yes, i still have it.

a friend then, and presumably a friend now for i recall no fallout of fracas, said that doing this was an example of "what they liked about me". when i asked for clarification, they said that it was just that when i wanted to do or get something, i just did it.

i found that, and still do i suppose, somewhat flattering and quite possibly a slight misinterpretation of my proclivity for impulse buying. it would also suggest that i am perhaps more focused and driven than i kind of think i am, or am not.

i leave the above, and the interpretations, to you to resolve how they relate to my purchase of this CD which you can see somewhere around this text.

should for some reason you not be able to work out what the CD is that i purchased, partially i shall confess on a whim, from the high definition Commodore 64 mode image, then known that non-Commodore 64 mode pictures lurk in this blog. if you are in a rush, however, i can advise you that it is a compilation which Bobby Gillespie has put together, or if you like curated, called Sunday Mornin' Comin' Down. and yeah, if you click on the title of the compilation you get taken to the record label what has wisely released it, allowing you to buy it directly off of them.

yes, that Bobby Gillespie. him off of Primal Scream. him who got banned off of the BBC for dropping out of an appearance at the last minute because they were going to fly him in via Luton and he declared that Luton was not "rock and roll enough". him who for some reason was felt to be someone that could be a calming influence on Dave Gahan and so was called in to "babysit" him and oversaw Gahan's behaviour move from eccentric and a little bit rock and roll to an awful lot of insane, Keith Moon by way of Harry Nilsson rock and roll.

i became aware of the fact that this compilation, or if you like mixtape, existed by pure chance. these days the NME website focuses very heavily on Adele, Star Wars and what Noel Gallagher thinks of Adele and Star Wars. for about three minutes they ran a story on this set. i took note of it, then, and decided to make it my ambition, or if you like driven focus, to order it.

what's the story of it? basically it seems that Bobby Gillespie (as clarified, yes, that Bobby Gillespie) was invited to put together a thematic compilation. the theme which Bobby selected was along the lines of things that he thought he might quite like to listen to on a Sunday morning whilst coming down from being absolutely smashed on any substance which took his fancy over the course of the three, four or five days which, as it were, happened prior to the Sunday.

what, in my imagination, is it like to go out on the lash with Bobby Gillespie? let me evoke memories of the above points and refer you to this interview with Dave Gahan after Bobby Gillespie was introduced to him as some sort of minder or potential good influence. the bits around the 1.24 mark in particular.  in short, i would suggest that going out on the lash with Bobby Gillespie is "intense" to a certain degree, and most certainly interesting.

the music he has selected for coming down, or if you like comin' down, from such a lash adventure is, then, rather on the psychedelic side of psychedelia. epic, in other words. a snippet of the first track? surely.

please, i urge you, don't get the wrong angle on my above comments. i love all that Mr Gillespie and Mr Gahan do; i just wished that in the case of the latter that the excesses were never to the excess that they were. and what happened wasn't Mr Gillespie's fault, it's just baffling that the management and PR people off of Depeche Mode somehow identified Bobby Gillespie as a possible calming influence.

an image of the CD box stood on top of the CD player in Commodore 64 mode? sure, especially as it shows off the smart Lager Of Lamot bar towel that Sharpie, or if you like Sharpy, got me. 

whenever an artist puts their name to a compilation there is always the danger that they had little or nothing to do with the track selection. this is particularly true when it comes to those CDs that they give away with magazines, where the tracklisting is less what someone selected, more what was cheap or free to license and use on the disc. this is clearly not what happened here.

the hands and the ears of Bobby Gillespie were very much what made this CD, as shown off in the magnificent booklet that comes with the disc. Bobby gives his thoughts and musings on each track included, and as you can see there are some absolutely boss images of the original 7" single sleeves and faces.

 

Bobby Gillespie, as my fellow fans will know, is a highly articulate gent. as a consequence, the linear notes in the booklet are insightful and interesting. they are, if you like, far more involved than, say, "i picked this song because it sounds ace when you are smashed".

the full tracklisting is something you can see here, which you are going to click on to order anyway, as everyone needs this compilation in their life.  even, and i can scarcely believe i am saying this, the Ronnie Wood solo track selected is smart.

another snippet? sure, with the regret that alas there is no capacity to make videos with the Commodore 64 mode thing switched on.

there is a shiny, new and still (alas) Mani-free Primal Scream album on the way in March of 2016, oddly just two months after the next Derek Bowie recording hits us. in the mean time this compilation, along with funnily enough a spot of Depeche Mode, shall be a most splendid soundtrack.

i give my full on total endorsement to this compilation. my only regret is that i cannot justify purchasing the vinyl version of it due to the lack of my stag being set up in its new home. in whatever format you get this, just get it, man, and dig. let the coolness of it be soaked up through your vertebrae and sink through your soul.




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bechtel

hello there


this post is, look you see, of passing interest to those that believe that there is some sort of super connective force which connects thoughts to actions. it is mostly, however, of interest to lovers of the magnificence that was, is and always shall be Beavis & Butt-Head.

Spiros and i were conversing a few weeks ago about a particularly spectacular edition of Mad magazine which featured foreign rip-offs of American cartoons. all of them were rather amusing - they must have been, for us to remember them some 20 or so years later - but the German version of Beavis & Butt-Head was particularly special.

jump forward a few days from that conversation and my Mum let me know that she had found a few copies of Mad magazine over in New Zealand. she asked if i would like them sending on, and i said yes, very much so. it has been some time since i saw a "new" edition of it (they stopped printing and selling it in SA a year or so before we left), and my collection is all boxed up so it was a much appreciated offer.

at this stage, for what it is worth in value for some sense of storytelling here, although i would imagine you can guess how it ends, i did not connect my Mum's offer with the conversation i had with Spiros. this is not at all unusual, because it would be very, very rare indeed that any conversation i had with Spiros would be suitable to repeat to my Mum. we are mature and sophisticated gents, you see, and so our conversations are generally of a mature and sophisticated nature that Mum's no doubt are aware of existing but that does not mean they wish to know any more.

the above is the second copy of the five i was sent that i opened, and can you guess what was inside this one? yes, that's right, the strip which Spiros and i had conversed about.

yes, relax, a far better quality copy of the bit we really like is coming up.

in the mean time, though, what were the odds of that? in theory there was some 25 - 30 years worth of editions that my Mum could have randomly got access to, and yet of the five she did there was one article me and my chum were really eager to see again.

anyway, here's the page that the German or if you like Germanic version of Beavis & Butt-Head feature on.

a close up of just the Bechtel Und Bumhadt one that i, and indeed Spiros, find so funny? sure. hopefully it looks a bit larger when you click on it and it expands or pops up.

i would actually love to see a whole episode of that version. bearing in mind that this will have been created and appeared long before the magnificence of The Big Lebowski, i cannot but help wonder if the Cohen brothers saw this strip and were influenced by it in their creation of the nihilists.

a bigger, larger, panel by panel (yes all three) presentation of Bechtel Und Bumhadt? sure.

sorry if for you the above is a complete waste of your browsing time. i just figure that if Spiros and i love it so much then there are bound to be a few other Beavis & Butt-Head fans that will like this. if that's the case and you are reading this, you're welcome.

man, now i really want to watch Beavis & Butt-Head Do America again.




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

festivus

hello there


well, look you see, you don't need to tell me that - should you live, at the least, in a country where Christianity or a variation thereof is the prevailing religion or basis for society - Christmas is creeping ever closer. 15 or so days from today, as it happens.

a consequence of this would be that there is an expectation to have a tree on display within the home, proudly featuring lights and all sorts of shiny things. we have met this expectation, and here it is. well, here's a picture of it. Gizmo, or whatever, off of Gremlins for scale. if you happen to know what size a Gizmo or whatever actually is.

oh, joy. i see that Blogger and Apple are at odds again over what rotation a picture should be. quite baffling, dear reader, when you consider that the dominant image here is a tree and generally only goes in, so to speak, one direction.

if you were to make an accusation of this looking pretty much like our 2014 tree, i would be in no position to deny that. i am not, after all, some sort of disabled athlete who argues against what is obvious, and i certainly don't make threats to waste the time of the constitutional court with such triviality. same tree, but with a slightly different approach to the decorations.

the main aesthetic difference? William. it's kind of hard to tell from the rotated picture, but he has added a fez and a sonic screwdriver to the tree, apparently as some sort of tribute to bring Doctor Who into the realm of Christmas.

a look at the tree the correct way around, but in Commodore 64 mode? certainly.

should you, and indeed your family, be of a mind to have a tree decorated in a similar fashion on display in your home this Christmas, i hope it is magnificent looking and brings you as much joy as ours does to us.

and, on that note, let me leave it there so i may admire our tree some more.




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

guide

hey there

those of you who read all that i do here and have, look you see, a pretty good sense of memory, may well want to skip this post. why? it's pretty much going to be a repeat of this one from roughly this time last year. nature willing, a similar repeat shall come at this time next year too.

you're continuing to read? that does my heart good and makes me happy, but don't be moaning to me when it dawns on you that the above is quite correct.

today is that day of the year on which i get to make some sort of futile, uncertain and less than successful attempt to clutch at a past i once knew and loved. yes, the Christmas edition of the TV magazines came out. yes, i bought the Radio Times edition to honour memories of how exciting this once was.

this is the first time i have willingly bought a TV guide since the, with apologies to Wham, last Christmas edition. no, it's nothing wanky like "i don't watch television"; it;s just that i tend to only put on the channels what have constant repeats of CSI and NCIS on for some reason. that, and the electronic variants of TV guides work fine.

what's that? you want me to repeat much if not all of the sentimental hygiene from last year? sure.

i do fondly remember the excitement of the Christmas editions coming out. back then you did have to buy both that were published, for once the Radio Times carried only the BBC listings, whereas the TV Times featured the commercial, aimed at peasants joys of what was on ITV and Channel 4. at some point in the late 80s or early 90s a deal was brokered which saw both publications listing all channels. at least 25 years later you would have thought one would have gone bust, but no, they would appear to be about the only two magazines with strong sales figures these days.

Christmas TV did used to be magical back when we had all of four channels. All stations seemed to save a substantial part of their budget in order to screen a major blockbuster On Christmas Day, something that had only finished its cinema run 18 or so months earlier. this was, dear reader, a time when the video release of a film was usually only three years after the cinema run. these days it's usually about three months from it being on at the movies to it being on the shelf at HMV. and, of course, three hours from its first screening to being on the shelf at various illicit download sites.

would i want to give up the substantial freedom of massive choice and relatively easy availability of absolutely anything you could want to watch whenever you wished to for a return to the nostalgia going on in my head for the big Christmas TV listings? absolutely not. that would be foolish. but, still, the price for that seems to be that all broadcast entertainment has become disposable, whereas some always carried with it the shine of being downright essential viewing.

a look at the Christmas Day listings for the five major channels? surely.

there is very little chance of much of what is on being watched, and only marginally more chance of me actually reading it. why did i buy it, then? see above writing, i suppose.

in retrospect, perhaps i should have purchased the TV Times instead, then. that is available for £2.80, whereas the Radio Times cost be £4 on the nose. i just like to maintain the illusion of me having a bit of sophistication and class when i do business with the ladies at Tesco; i did not want them to think of me as an uncultured peasant, which is precisely what would happen if i bought the cheaper one.

i will, however - as was the case last year - certainly be making sure i watch one thing.

yes, once again Channel 5 are broadcasting the seminal, celebrated Chas & Dave's Xmas Knees Up!, the 1982 special that has never ever been equalled. i am guessing the owner of Channel 5, who i believe is some sort of pornographer (or was at the least), really, really likes Chas & Dave, and what's not to like.

i suppose i can spend Christmas Day listening to my class Chas & Dave CD right up until the point at which this special is once again broadcast to the world.

right, let me be off to flick through the Christmas edition of the Radio Times, then.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

transporter

hello there


not a lot, look you see. i am just aware of the fact that i've not done much posting here at all of late, so thought i had better throw something together.

at the weekend i had the pleasure of driving through the winds we are getting battered off of. William came with me, and this allowed for a splendid picture of him to be taken with the world famous, celebrated Transporter Bridge in the background.

as you can pretty much almost make out, he was thrilled to be standing out in the wind for just a little bit longer than was required for our journey in order to bring you this picture.

he was also thrilled to see the Transporter, as indeed everyone is who gets to see it. it is magnificent, after all, and the envy of much of the known world.

anyway, i will get on with things, leaving you to get on with things. i, like you, hope some smart updates come along on this blog soon. let's cross those fingers in the hope i get inspired.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wind

hello there


yes, look you see. i do know that talking about the weather on an almost exclusive basis is the preserve, if not hallmark, of being terribly English. well, i am English, so what were you expecting?

our fine nation is getting quite a battering at the moment. the horrid, strong winds of yesterday have apparently grown in strength today, and there is the promise of them reaching further heights of power through the evening. wisdom suggests staying indoors, then.

which, you know, is fine if you already have a policy for the £20 million (give or take) pension fund pay out this evening. i did not have such a policy, or if you like ticket, and so off i went into this wind.

that is indeed the legendary Zama jacket, acquired off of the back of the taxi rank in downtown Johannesburg, that i have on. no, it was of little use in the wind and yes, i was indeed making every effort to smoke as i wandered through the wind.

due to it being predominantly a motion thing i suspect that a picture doesn't really say much to you of the wind. a video, then? why not.

did i enjoy my walk to get a ticket for the pension fund pay out? well, in truth, there is some novelty if not humour in the idea of the wind being so strong that someone of my size and weight can be lifted off the ground by it. but not much. best i be able to cash in this £20 million or so, i say. that would make the walk all the more enjoyable, if only in retrospect.

well, wherever you are is i trust a place of better weather than what we are getting. failing that, it would be my most earnest hope that you are keeping safe.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jumper

hey there


well, look you see, another post featuring a substantial percentage of the 75% of my family you all actually like in preference to me!

today was the day of the wearing of Christmas jumpers at school. apparently this now exists as a "tradition", with people saying that it was "always" the case that on one friday close to December 25th you wore a Christmas themed jumper. not as far as i recall was this ever the case, but more of that in a bit

in the mean time, a picture of the boys in the smart Christmas jumpers what i procured for them to wear for this extra special day.

quite smart, i trust you agree. and yeah, sorry for the low quality image; the only thing i had to hand with a camera welded on it was my blueberry.

now, then, this business of Christmas jumpers being a "tradition". from my memory they kind of were, but not in a good way. a Christmas jumper was something you purchased for the least preferred member of a family and dumped it on them back in the 80s. which makes it strange that i never got one. at some stage, then, someone must have decided they were in fact smart, hence the current tradition.

well, there you go - if you are wearing a Christmas jumper as you read this, so much the better.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tree

greetings


well, look you see, we are at the time of the year when those of us who celebrate Christmas get around to putting up our tree. erecting it, so to speak. no, we have decidedly not done ours yet; perhaps that will happen this weekend. the leaders of our community have, however, elected to ensure that ours is on proud display in the present time.

an image of it? certainly.

quite magnificent it is too, i believe. from what i recall there was some fuss or displeasure expressed at the display last year not being quite so grand as befits a community of the stature of ours, but surely there can be no quarrel with this one.

why did i take this picture at night? i mean, was it to show off the lights? no, dear reader. this was taken before 4pm yesterday afternoon; a date of great consequence. the days are now exceptionally short here, and shall get shorter still for a while yet.

you will not believe this, but the boys were in fact stood in front of that tree that you can see when i took the picture. in sensing that they would not be as visible as they might, i moved closer and took another.

well, the boys are a significant portion of the 75% of my family you all actually like a good deal more than me (rightly so), and i figured a few of you may well want to see how they are getting on. very well, as it happens, very well indeed.

as and when we get around to placing our tree somewhere in the house (i'm uncertain as to where it shall stand) i have every confidence i will be doing some pictures and sharing them here.

in the mean time, sorry for the fact that blog posts have become less frequent, but there you go, here we are. and i trust all is exceptional where you are.




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

miqurowev

hello there

oh, look you see, not a lot. i just have this particularly strange fixation on ensuring i do a blog post on the first day of each month, lest any of you think i am not updating any further and elect not to return.

young William has taken quite a shine to writing out labels and attaching them to stuff. this is something i wholeheartedly encourage, for it allows him to practice his reading and writing. also it is of enormous benefit to me, as i get confused by things which are not labelled. like, for instance, earlier tonight when i asked when the microwave got knacked for things were not turning around in it. it was pointed out to me that i was, as point of fact, looking at the oven.

William then very kindly made this sign for the microwave, or if you like miquorowev

that's a smart bit of signwriting, that is, and an even more smart spelling of the word. well, i did say that he needs some practice with such thing. actually not - why don't we all just call it by that name, as it is most smart.


right, that will do for you for now. more as and when it happens, dear reader, and thanks as ever for dropping by.




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!