i do, and perhaps this goes without saying, do so dearly love my children. as an aspect of this i take it upon myself, look you see, to help enable them to reach whatever wish, dream or aspiration they have. with this in mind, when my (considerably) better half advised me that what they presently wished for was a swimming pool, i wasted not a single calorie of energy in making sure i met this wish, four or five days later, when i was next near a Poundland.
the climate of England, quite unlike Australia, South Africa or elements of the United States, is not one which is conducive to making it practical for homes to feature swimming pools as something of a default. there's also the fact that, i think, in England you are never any further than 70 miles (about 112km, metric fans) away from the coast or sea, so there's really no need to have a pool in your garden.
so, anyway, as you can see, off to Poundland i went, and obtained a quality guarantee mini paddling pool as i was somewhat requested, instructed and indeed reminded to do. i felt mini was appropriate, as for the most part children do tend to be smallish on the small side.
the measurements published on the packaging of the pool indicated that the dimensions of it, presumably inflated, were or are 55cm in diameter and 15cm in height. i didn't really pay attention to this in the shop, for i simply saw "quality", "pool" and most importantly "£1" and assumed that would do. had i noticed, however, i would have continued to purchase with confidence, for everything about those measurements says, to me, Olympic standards. it is not, after all, outside of the realms of reason or likelihood that some sort of Olympiad has stood in a pool of these dimensions - an action which i think you will find makes those very same measurements Olympic standard by default.
the quality which has so far ebbed and flowed from this product became all the more apparent - gushing, if you like - when i turned my inspective eyes towards the matter of just how one would inflate this most splendid of pools.
yes, that's right - it features a dual inflation mechanism, and not the sort which that b'stard George Osborne would have forced on the country had he been allowed to remain in power. having two inflation points on anything is a hallmark of prestige. an example of this would be the bike what Sir Bradley Wiggins rode to win, well, win lots of things. my understanding is that they don't let them ride around France or on smart Olympic rings on unicycles, so his bike must have had two wheels. two wheels on a bike means two inflation points.
these are also anything but standard inflation points. they are those specialist, CERN engineered ones, where one has to bite on the inflation tube, or if you like nipple, in order to allow for the free flow of air in an inwards or if you like inbound direction. that's in excess of £1 in technology there alone.
the boys were, perhaps needless to say, very excited that their Daddy had, eventually, remembered to go and get them some sort of swimming pool. their excitement, and indeed my insistence that they do so for the purpose of pictures to use here, meant that they didn't even wait for water to be placed in the pool before attempting to use it.
the above is indeed William, the youngest or if you will the most miniest of our children, endeavouring to be in the pool as a whole concern. it is, i will concede, something of a snug fit for him, although i would suggest in my defence that he is somewhat big for his age.
that said, the amount of the luxury mini paddling pool which William took up on his own meant that it was highly unlikely he would be able to swim or dive in it at the same time as his brother did. they shall have to learn to share and take turns, then. and in this respect James showed magnificent maturity, for he seemed prepared not only to wait for his go, but also to simply not have a go at all.
no, no way was i allowing his chivalrous action to go unrewarded, and at my insistence he did indeed get into the five star, stellar, by default Olympic standard mini paddling pool.
the boys, i should in fairness point out, have suggested if not requested that i stop referring to the mini paddling pool as being either "luxury", "prestige", "class" or "what they wanted". whilst i am always delighted to sort of half listen to anything they have to tell me, they are of course wrong and don't know what's best for them. i, as someone who owns a "best Dad in the world" t-shirt, of course do.
how does the award winning, quality guaranteed mini paddling pool look with water in it? pretty good, actually. both minutes that it took to fill went past in a very pleasant way, allowing me ample time to contemplate just how brilliant and excellent i am in being able to find such affordable luxuries.
indeed that is an NFL American Football ball in the pool, along with a proper football that looks like the kind of thing they use at World Cups and other such arranged tournaments. both were purchased as one concern, with Poundland generously charging only £1 for the pair.
right, i am off to grab both of my children and throw them into this mini paddling pool, instructing - with force if required, but let us hope not - them to remain within it and to have fun until such a time has passed that i believe i have extracted value in terms of entertainment from my £1 investment.
be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!