Sunday, August 04, 2013

tributes in the medium of hair

hi there

nothing lasts forever. all good things must end. these are but two of dozens of familiar, well used sayings out there in the world. well, in the world and beyond, as it happens, as going on extensive research it seems that aliens on other planets also speak English. specifically, if they are good aliens they do it with an American accent and if they are bad aliens they do it with a post English one. this introduction seems to have lost its way a touch.....

the good thing that was not going to last forever which came to an end today was my beard. it has been allowed to roam free, growing rampantly for the last 3 or so months. how rampant? if instead of growing it was breeding, then right now you would be able to read on a normal, rational newspaper site (the Daily Mail, for instance) of the scourge of beard breeding and how it leads to immigrants destroying the national identity of [insert any country you like here].

my (considerably) better half agreed to give me a haircut, then. this was only after, say, a round month or so of asking her to do this. that it got done today is quite impressive, really, believe me on this one as much as i will get knacked for saying that.

it was as we were getting ready for this haircut that i clocked we had a rare opportunity at our disposal. an opportunity, with some strategic, initially shaving, to pay tribute to a number of celebrated figures. who do i mean? well, have a look for yourself.

yes, well spotted, the above is my best effort, by having my (considerably) better half shave just my chin first, to pay homage to the great Lemmy out of Motorhead. Lemmy is indeed someone full worthy of homage being paid to, but it is not always an easy thing to do.

one could, as i have been known to do, buy Motorhead albums and prance about in a Motorhead t-shirt. Lemmy is so class, however, that more homage is needed. indulging in a bit of the Lemmy lifestyle is tricky at best, and also possibly dangerous. not everyone, after all, can get away with dekcing their house out with Nazi memorabillia. trying to sleep with as many of the Nolans sisters too could be beyond most of us.

trimming a large-ish beard down to look a bit like Lemmy, if only for a few moments, is a safe way to pay homage then, and i think stays safely on the right side of the border between "fan paying homage" and "fan dangerously trying to be like Lemmy and in need of help".

you will note i said for a few moments with the tribute. that's because, alas, the whole of the beard was to come off. however, taking the moustache off first was a way to give even more tributes in the way of homage. this you can see in the somewhat scary picture below.

i was trying my best to remain open-eyed and smiling in the above. i do not think it has worked out at all well, has it? oh well, that's just the way i look. the above, as you have no doubt worked out all by yourself, is a sort of combination tribute to both Wolverine out of X-Men and indeed Wolverine, as well as Amos Brearley (or whatever his surname was) out of Emmerdale, except it was called Emmerdale Farm when he was still in it.

do i have a particular fondness for either Wolverine or Amos? not really. nowt against them i suppose. it might be that one day i am all enamoured with thoughts of them, so it was best to do this now and not regret later not having paid homage to them when i had the chance. to be safe, though, you will note that i adopted neither the physique or Australian accent of Wolverine, nor did i shave a bald patch in the middle like Amos. there was a suggestion from an anonymous source (Jonathan Granville) that i glue pencils to my hand to perfect the Wolverine part of the homage, but alas i did not have any pencils of a Wolverine nature at hand.

there is of course one other very important person that i paid tribute to with massive sideburns. that is of course the one they speak of as The King, Elvis Presley. i did not have any large quantity of cheeseburgers, jumpsuits or sunglasses to pay the correct tribute to The King, Elvis Presley, so instead i just tried to do a pose as The King, Elvis Presley might be inclined to look if he found himself in a situation of having no cheeseburgers, jumpsuits or sunglasses.

i think i did pretty well, to be honest. if we accept that no one will ever look as good as The King, Elvis Presley then i think i can say i did as much as any fan could. and i bet The King, Elvis Presley had an ace yellow slide in his garden too. he probably made monkeys, or even members of The Beatles and similar, go up and down it for his amusement.

the rest of the beard, and indeed the hair upon the top of my head (the sort which is usually associated with a haircut), was removed in an almost loving way by my (considerably) better half. you wish to see the finished product? ok, sure, no problem.

yeah, that's pretty much the image i want to project out into the world. i seldom look good, and that's about as good as it gets!

that is, by my calculations, two blog posts in a row that feature images of me, your humble narrator. i will give myself, and indeed you, a break from appearances here as far as i can!

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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