well, it's a trifle hard to have avoided this incident from the weekend. you've probably by now seen and read all that you could possibly wish to about this one, but if you want a touch, or if you will little bite, of more, here you go.
in modern football, or in fact in any sort of historical take on football, it's rare that a player does something which is so spectacularly dickheadish that it it makes the actions of the most special kind of dickhead - Mr Chelsea, The Celebrator and The Legend that is JT26 - seem rather trivial. to do it against a team that features the special kind of dickhead is all the more impressive.
well done, then, to Luis Suarez for somehow unseating JT26 as the single biggest dickhead registered as a professional footballer. i would say take a bow, but you might "mishear" that as take a bite.
yes, if you did not see it over the weekend, that is Mr Suarez taking a bite out of the arm of a Chelsea player. Ivanovic, no less. i suppose up front we should be rather very grateful indeed that Suarez didn't bite a black player, mindful of what happened the last time he attracted a ban and non-scoring headlines.
there is of course, as you would expect, a great rush to defend Suarez in regards of his shenanigans. it's not like, after all, he has "ever done this before". i mean, if he had, for instance, bitten the neck of a player called Bakkal three years ago, then you would understand the outcry.
oh hang on.
perhaps it's another South American thing, really. maybe in Uruguay biting an opponent is a sign of respect to the extent that visiting teams get very upset when you don't bite them. it being the South American way and Suarez not knowing that it might cause some offence in England almost worked with the Evra incident, after all.
speaking of the Evra incident, there was a great rush from Liverpool to defend Suarez then. we briefly saw something similar with this one. Steven Gerrard, when asked about the bite, basically accused the journalist of lying about it and said that we should all "rather talk about what a great player he has been since he arrived at the club" rather than an incident watched by about a million people.
one can assume that Gerrard must not have seen the Suarez bite, then. you may have spotted this in the first picture on this post, but if not exactly where was Gerrard in relation to the incident? let me give you a clue, he's in the below picture, wearing red and not biting someone.
i suspect that Suarez issuing an apology and Liverpool issuing statements along the lines of how it was "probably wrong for Suarez to have bitten someone" means that we will not be seeing a return of those class t-shirts of support for Suarez over this incident. this is a great pity, as i imagine they could have come up with some spectacular designs for it.
speaking of shirts, have a look at this image of Suarez leaving Anfield, possibly for the last time.
yes, that is a Chelsea shirt he has in a sort of doggy bag, i suppose. let us think about this for a moment. someone in the Chelsea squad must have swapped shirts with Suarez after the match, despite the fact that they would have known he had bitten one of their teammates. how the hell does that happen? i mean, who in the current Chelsea side really, really hates Ivanovic enough to have done that?
although it is not likely we shall see t-shirts of support, the minority of more passionate Liverpool supporters are of course throwing excuses out into the world. two of the best speak of an interesting level of moral flexibility as and when the circumstances require accepting something they would rant against had someone at another club done similar.
the best two are, easily, asking anyone suggesting that Suarez is a disgrace if "they have never got angry", followed by "for f***'s sake, he hasn't killed kids or anything, it was only a bite". perhaps they would be better off just suggesting that all Suarez wanted was a little taste of the Champions League.
as you would expect, the "viral meme" things about Luis Suarez have been flying around the internet since, well, since probably before even the match had finished yesterday. here are a couple for your amusement.
first off, one that you hope does not be the approach taken, considering just how many teams Liverpool have been unprepared to beat thus far this year.
and secondly, my favourite thus far, a lovely new set of lyrics to the classic song That's Amore, made famous by the late, great and not known for biting people Dean Martin.
whatever you think of them and no matter who you usually support, Liverpool are a big, giant club of the game with a proud history and reputation. they deserve much, much better than this rubbish. i do not care how many goals he should score, and neither should the club. i believe Bayern Munich like him and want to sign him. let him be their problem, i say.
be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!