Thursday, March 13, 2014

guns, gays, bats and gloves

hi there

well, you know the old saying about opinions. to recap, they are apparently like a certain organ on the human body, usually for the purposes of this saying referred to in the colloquial sense, in that everyone has one. strangely, sometimes people seem to have more than one. would i be any different? not especially no, i suppose.

another saying would be about all things being relative. in relative terms a respected journalist (of sorts) where that exciting case is going on has taken the time, trouble and imagination to say that the "performances" in court are as "wooden as the door". nice observation there, Debra or however you like to spell it. are you not entertained?

i am not sure what performances she or anyone else wants, really. this week we have had some sensational vomiting from the accused, from those watching and indeed - perhaps setting the grounds for a mistrial or one of them appeal things - people in the employ of the judicial services. we have also had people - lawyers, members of the constabulary and so forth - discussing and indeed having a go at twatting a door with a cricket bat. not just any bat, of course - one that Herschelle Gibbs, amongst others, had signed. Mr Gibbs, a fine batsman if something of a failure at understanding the instructions to throw a cricket game, was quite quick to point out that he was one of the people to sign the bat when the member of the constabulary said that he could not work out who the signatures were from. nice one, Herschey, you have not been in the news much of late so it was, in relative terms, wise to make sure you made the most of the situation. with good fortune you may get a guest spot on the radio or TV about how you feel around something you signed being used to twat a door.

no doubt Debs, Herschey and everyone else apparently bored and a bit let down at the moment with the case are wondering just what is going on. my understanding was that they were showing off the door, and door twatting skills, to indicate whether or not the accused had his prosthetic legs on at the time of his impromptu door twatting.

if i remember right, the idea of showing he had his legs on was the prosecution's way of proving that this was a planned, premeditated murder. that he took the time to put his legs on would prove, apparently, that he thought about what he was doing and knew exactly who was behind the door. this does indeed suggest that the prosecutors looked no further than the fine, fine film The Shawshank Redemption, what with its "seven bullets from a six bullet gun" argument for premeditated murder, for legal guidance in the charges filed. well, it was a fine film and well worth watching or watching again, but i am not convinced it is something one should be using to interpret the law against. anyone, for instance, sporting a haircut like the one that The Kurgan had in the film will probably end up in the custody of the fashion police for a start.

meanwhile, taking a slight break as this is the way in which the blogger uploaded the pics, a disappointing sight from our friends in Germany. this banner was shown off in Stockholm, or Dusseldorf, or wherever it is that Bayern Munich plays, as some sort of semi-welcome, semi-slur at the visiting fans of Arsenal.

i had thought that homophobic slurs had pretty much left the game of football in general, so it was odd to see this. peculiar, even, as German fans tend to be a lot more intelligent, creative and interesting than this. if nothing else the artwork on show is a massive disappointment - not the sort of thing one would expect to find amongst a stash of thousands of stolen pictures in a flat in Hamburg, really. mostly i blame FIFA for this; what with their stated intent of eliminating homosexuality from football as shown in awarding the World Cup to Qatar, a decision Stephen Fry is expected to request be changed as a venue just as soon as the BBC (or whoever pays him) are awarded the broadcast rights. a boycott would be silly under the circumstances.

back to the world of bats? sure, why not.

where was i. oh yes. it seems that the prosecution and the defence lawyers are in agreement that the accused did not, in fact, take the time to put his leg things on before firing and twatting away at the door. so other than the fact that lawyers build by the hour, and considering that journalists and members of the public apparently expect to be entertained, i am not quite sure why we have had all these class demonstrations.

the demonstrations, at the behest of some lawyer, are showing off the differences between a "natural" and "unnatural" way to twat a door with a cricket bat. in this i am happy to admit i am lost, for i was hitherto unaware that there actually was a natural way to twat a door with a cricket bat. is it a normal, designated thing to do with a chunk of willow? or is it something like "as this bat was signed by Herschelle Gibbs, who forgot to get out with the amount of runs the bookies instructed him to, it must now be used for twatting doors rather than playing cricket with".

if there was something intelligent going on with these ace demonstration of how to twat in a door with a cricket bat it would not be so bad seeing and hearing of all of it. if it was them trying to show he twatted the door with the bat first and the started shooting, which would indicate a rather passionate determination to either use the bathroom or simply to get at whoever was in there, it would make more sense. proving that this particular bat was used when no one had disputed it does not quite make as much sense, but then i am no lawyer.

yes, indeed what comes to mind is the whole "if the gloves don't fit" thing from OJ. especially as the SA, in relative terms, journalists are calling the whole thing "Africa's OJ Simpson"; presumably for the most part because they are no longer allowed to call it "Africa's 9/11" on the grounds of good taste, if nothing else.

the slight difference, of course, would be that no matter what you believe - and the media did a sterling job of convincing the majority of guilt, which is why and how advertising works - the prosecutors in the OJ case at no point ever put Mr Juice at the crime scene. with Oscar, there is no doubt at all that he was very much at the crime scene, or "incident" scene as he has not been found guilty of a crime. baffling, then, that they are raising an element of doubt about him being there by going to extraordinary joinery work to show that he was. what if, for example, when they rebuilt it all in court the door did not fit?

oh dear. it seems that Oscar has "done another sick" in court. apparently they "accidentally" keep showing images like this, and indeed images of the body, on the screens they have in the courtroom.i note, however, that he at least does not have his spectacles on anymore - he had to wear them during the week as, apparently, all the crying he was doing out of sorrow (not guilt, as he points out on that "the hard man truth" twitter thing) were knacking his contact lenses. somewhere, of course, rests a body in a grave that would love to swap their current state for something like itchy contact lenses and some nausea.

if one is going to be ill at the result of their shooting frolics then perhaps one should either not shoot at all, or just stick to "hard man" actions like firing the gun out of a sunroof, or perhaps limit shots to knacking minor limbs on friends in certain establishments.

speaking of which, my chum Spiros was delighted to be remembered by Jim and Ally in respect of their impending wedding; even if they did not remember his name as they addressed it to someone else. despite having absolutely no idea whatsoever who they are, outside of them living in the USA located California and their intention to get married, Spiros is thrilled with this.

will Spiros be making the trip for the matrimonial ceremony? well, he would very much indeed like to. there's all them class places there that the Village People sang of, not to mention places like Venice Beach where he could give a distinctly Californian edge to his kung fu training. Spiros also really, really likes places that have a good track record of electing Austrian born people to offices of political prominence. Spiros, alas, might have an existing hairdressers appointment around the time of the wedding, so sadly he may just have to send some flowers instead.

to all those who got the nod for an invite and can make it, well that's just awesome. safe journey, and Spiros says that he hopes everyone going has a beautiful, tremendous and wondrous time of it. unless of course he can make it, and then he will be having that with all of you, presumably.

back to the court, and yes, you are seeing what you think you are seeing. no, not the member of the constabulary that is refusing to try and twat a door with a cricket bat in an "unnatural" way, the chap behind him. no, not the bored member of court checking out his computer, on the other side. yes, him, the sketch artist, wearing the class scarf.

with all them videos and pictures being taken i am somewhat impressed that an "old school" type of court artists has nonetheless been employed. perhaps a commiserative or commemorative series of  limited edition sketches will be sold to the public in an effort to off-set some of the costs of this fabulous show trial. as the people are speaking of how class some of the lawyers are, as if they would happily put a poster of them up in their homes, there is likely to be an eager market.

some might say i should do something more intelligent and constructive with my time than write posts like this, or should at least not clog up low cost internet real estate with it. they are probably correct to say such things, but i have done it now.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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