Star Wars Storm Troopers ‘suffering mental health issues’

A recent poll of Imperial Storm troopers has revealed that as many as 20% are suffering from psychological issues due to the fact that they have had to switch from fighting for the good of the Universe to joining the Dark Side.



‘Every day is a living nightmare’ said clone Storm trooper A4815162342 who has been diagnosed as suffering from ‘Star Wars Syndrome’. ‘When we were first created we were best mates with the Jedi, followed them into battle, went to the Cantina after work with them for a few jars, and looked after their Padawan. Then all of a sudden the Emperor sends out this order 66 and we kill the Jedi. After that Darth Vader and the Emperor took control and we were suddenly the baddies.’ The storm trooper went on to explain how he was wracked with guilt, was unable to sleep, started drinking, and finally ended up being kicked out of the corps and living on the streets.


Jenny Spinner from the charity ‘Storm troopers need friends’ says that this story is an all too common one. ‘Every day, we have Storm troopers coming to us with the same stories, of feeling a terrible sense of betrayal. If they feel like this, then imagine the psychological issues that Darth Vader has to confront; one minute he is the unconventional Jedi Anakin Skywalker, then in the space of a couple of minutes he gives in to the Dark Side, kills all the younglings and becomes the second most evil man in the Galaxy after the Emperor himself. That’s going to take a lot of counselling.’

Jenny’s charity tries to help ex-Storm troopers by giving their lives meaning and structure again. ‘We provide them with work in a local donkey sanctuary to get them back on the road to recovery’. Asked if it worked, Jenny said ‘Not really, no. They usually shoot the donkeys and burn down the stables.’