Wednesday, December 03, 2008

avoiding ships, big or small......

i am obliged to that most bummy of my bum chums, Spiros, for latching me on to these rather exquisite and interesting books.

they are all winners of something called (i think) The Diagram Award for the most unusual or unlikely book title to be published in a particular year. if you follow the link in the title you can see some of them, otherwise search away on the interwebnet thingie and admire. in the mean time, here are three that particularly tickled my fancy!

there are all sorts of things which could go on in a book called Old Tractors And The Men Who Love Them, the majority of which i would not feel at all comfortable writing about here. looking at the byline on the cover, it seems that it's not only a guide to men who dig tractors like they are girls, but also some sort of bizarre, quasi-help book aiming at keeping families together and men in good health by developing a healthy love of tractors; it being the case that the older the tractor is the better. i couldn't find a copy of this anywhere, but if you are a chap that's getting on in years, has one or two relationship or health problems and really has a thing for rusty metal, i wish you nothing but good luck and fortune in finding a copy.

in a similar vein to the tractors, there are many, many things one could do with a horse, but i must confess that bomb-proofing one has never particularly struck me as a worthwhile venture. i assume i am in some sort of equine minority to this effect, for there was enough interest and demand for such knowledge that the world is a place that contains a book called Bombproof Your Horse. i know next to nothing about the purchase of horses, but in my imagination i have never considered that "has it already been bomb-proofed or will i have to make some arrangements?" would be a priority question when engaged in such a transaction. ho hum, to all you equestrian minded souls out there, it is my most earnest and honest wish that your horse or horses have been suitably adapted.

it's very hard to believe that How To Avoid Huge Ships is not considered the greatest obscure title of all time; that honour befalls a gem called Greek Rural Postmen And Their Cancellation Stamps. irrespective of that, this guide to avoiding huge ships - which somehow sold enough, or required some revision to make it into a second edition, you will note - has to be my favourite.

no less than a Captain has composed this impressive sounding title, and i would love to get my hands on a copy of it. the book has to be at least 100 or so pages long, and i am really curious as to how one pads out "don't go near any large bodies of water, in particular seas or oceans" beyond a paragraph, let alone a chapter.

if you have any of these or others, very happy reading! Sprios is very keen to get his hands on any books featuring scouts, if anyone has any spare. meanwhile, for my mocking, i fully expect that one day my fate will be decreed by the hands of a lonely old soul who was frustrated by the recent loss of and old tractor, my escape thwarted by an ill-advised attempt to flee on a non-bomb-proofed horse and me inadvertently smashing into a massive ship on a nearby ocean that i didn't notice.

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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