cobblestone connoisseur

hey there


on my travels i get to see a fair few peculiarly strange, or strangely peculiar, look you see, things. every now and then such things suggest a compelling reason to share them here, and speculate on the very being of them, or the implications.

quite often - but not exclusively - it is that i bear witness to items discarded by those who have, for reasons of default or design, found themselves living a more nomadic, wandering style of life. some have chosen this way, the majority, you would think, have not. i would not care to get involved with the politics of such, and nor would i propose to give any form of social commentary. my observations, if that is what they are, remain purely face value.

like, for instance, when i see things like this.

yes, no, you are not mistaken. there, in the greater glory and good of Commodore 64 mode, is indeed a discarded (abandoned, if you will) miniature bottle of Jack Daniels. this, i am led to believe, is one of the more aspiration seeking brands of alcohol, as in it is comparatively expensive and drunk by those who wish to conjure an image of being refined, posh and sophisticated.

by no means am i an expert in this (or much of anything, i know), but my basic understanding of what we may term street drinking is that the economics of it all are at the forefront. one would, from sheer necessity, seek the greatest volume of fluids for the minimal of investment. to this extent, i would expect an individual to rather spend the cost of a miniature bottle of Jack Daniels on several litres of high powered yet modestly priced cider. or similar.

this got me thinking. what if some rather incredibly posh people found themselves in a rather unexpected desolate state, making a home where they can rather than the usual comforts of their stately place of residence? a bit like the (proper) film Arthur, i suppose. for such speculative theorising, who better to consider than the poshest possible representative of each of the three main UK political parties?

of course absolutely none of the three above are as cherished, respected, admired, talented or anywhere close to being as liked as Dudley Moore. conversely, almost not all of them are as hated, disliked or treated with contempt as is the case with that utter waste of space which is Russell Brand what starred in the presumably (no one watched it) "remake" of Arthur. but still, the comparison works.

a natural starting point for such idle, and just for pleasure, speculative thinking is of course his excellency, Jacob Rees-Mogg. he is very much the personification of the Conservative Party, and for many further the embodiment of what "posh" actually is under the English way of doing things.

what if he fell from grace and favour? is it that he would insist on finer drinks such as Jack Daniels, or would common sense prevail and he would be content with a 2 litre bottle of cider?

his pedigree and heritage is all Somerset, i think (i am sure that is where the chap is the incumbent representative of the people), so you would think that he would be a natural ally of cider. but yet, no. the dignity and decorum of his posh background, with particular emphasis on his widely undocumented days fagging at some posh public school, probably means that he forsakes cider, seeing it as the privilege and delight of tradesmen and farmers alone. facing a life on the streets, Arthur (proper film one) style, my suspicion is that he would live a life which centred on the procurement and consumption of cooking sherry, should such still actually exist.

Jeremy 'Jezza' Corbyn is a much more difficult prospect to speculate about. despite astonishing, staggering wealth and a most comfortable, luxurious upbringing, he has somehow managed to style himself as a commoner, a "man of the people". or if you will "one of us". credit to him for doing so, by means such as going along with the idea that Glastonbury is a music festival for the people, rather than the lucrative, corporate commercial venture it is.

would Jeremy take to cheaper cider if he and some of his chums were to find themselves on the streets, or would he rather insist on some miniature Jack Daniels to keep him company? rather like his natural soul mate Jacob above, i would think neither. of the many wonderful characteristics of Mr Corbyn, one of the most beloved is his propensity and wish to fight. this, then, is a man who Special Brew, or Spesh, was pretty much invented for. after decking a few cans of Spesh, Jezza would be sufficiently refeshed enough to go and kick off, commencing a rather nasty fight with anyone he could find, including himself.

but what if Mr Corbyn for some (inexplicable) reason found himself living the Arthur life up in Scotland? well, i dare say that they get the Spesh up there, but yes, he would probably be on the Buckfast, or Bucky as it is so affectionately referred to. it is the draw of the Bucky life which takes many to Scotland, irrespective of their destitute status. and why not.

in the interests of fairness i of course have to include a Liberal Democrat here, if even only a theoretical one. early days, yes, there was such a thing as a posh one, in the form of Dr David Owen. i suppose David Steel too, except he was more of a middle class banker with ideas above his station.

so, then, i have had to opt for the near enough is close enough 'Lib Dem' representative, which is Vince Cable. his main qualification for being a politician, and indeed being included here as posh, is that for some inexplicable reason he looks (and indeed dresses) quite like an early 80s South African government minister.

for the most part, the politics of Liberal Democrats is, as widely accepted, denial. present them with something, such as an election, or perhaps referendum, result, and they shall deny that it is so. this gets them a good deal of limited support from various "right on" types, as well as former members of the Labour party.

with this in mind, in an Arthur vision of a future life, i really suspect that Mr Cable would not dink miniature Jack Daniels, or Spesh, or Bucky, or drinking Sherry or even the cider. instead, he would flat refute the suggestion he was drinking anything untoward, limiting his fluid consumption to things like scavenged bottles of just recently expired cough mixture, methylated spirits and, on special occasions, furniture polish. and, well, why wouldn't you?

the subject of miniature Jack Daniels fascinated me still, despite getting some of it out of my system with the above Arthur inspired speculation. it was so that i then decided to consult a chap (Danny asked to remain anonymous, so i didn't mention him) who is both knowledgeable and expert on the subject of this particular drink. his enthusiasm for it is such that i recall fondly one night how he got completely sh!tfaced on it and elected to declare his love for me from the top of some hotel stairs as i made my way down them. several fellow patrons of the hotel were warmed by such a display of affection, but others were not.

anyway, Da..., sorry, my anonymous associate, said that he would "not p!ss about" with miniatures, and you are either decking a full bottle (preferably a litre) of Jack Daniels or you might as well not bother. when i asked if he would at least drink one of them if given to him for free, as a gift perhaps, he said yes, of course.

right, well, i believe that is all i could possibly say on this purely speculative subject. if for some reason you have been giving consideration to this matter, well then i trust this has all given you some further fuel for thought.




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!