Friday, May 11, 2018

lynx gold something something under review


an apparent mid-life crisis would appear to continue, look you see. despite me being 3 times the median age for the proposed, assumed or intended users, i do indeed use that there Lynx (or Axe, depending where you are in the world) deodorant. also, nay further, i do like to dabble and experiment as and when they launch or otherwise unleash a new, for want of a better term, fragrance.

which brings us to here. the here and now. and what is the here and now is an exciting new tin (two, then) labelled or branded "gold oud wood and dark vanilla". no, i have no idea what "oud" wood is, and to me dark vanilla is not vanilla - should it not be pale, white or opaque, then surely it is not?

yes, of course i purchased some of this new stuff. my deep rooted, passionate commitment to buying Lynx deodorant as and when it is on special really came to the fore. i think i got this one off of Tesco for about £2.33 a tin, which is a peculiar price but anyway. everywhere else had it for a price north of this; i think the next best i saw was £3.50 at Morrisons (no relation to Jim).

no, i don't really shop all that often at Morrisons any more, i suppose. much of the glitz and glamour of doing so went when they removed a large selection of books from nearby the cigarette counter. it made purchasing cigarettes boring, if not rather mundane. but essential. also, by the by, i have found some places what sell the fags for 2p a packet cheaper than what Morrisons does. trust me, in volume that adds up.

but we are here for Lynx Gold Something Something, not the fags. so to speak. and on that note, let us celebrate the balls out move to call it "gold". whereas in these more enlightened terms we understand gold to be not the rarest, most desirable or most expensive thing, but it is shiny and so we associate anything being called "gold" as meaning "the best" or similar.

i can tell you now, for those eager to get to the business end, that this one falls into the formidable, overbearing harsh musky / chloroform scent of the Lynx spectrum. the fragrance, the aroma and the ambience generated is quite what one would expect to get a sense of if they were ever in a proper, real or if you like hardcore Turkish Bath, in Istanbul, in the presence of some rather friendly Turkish gentlemen. yes, with big bushy moustaches and classical proclivities in terms of male bonding.

strangely, despite the somewhat scary scenario evoked by the scent, this is not half bad. which, i hasten to draw your attention to, means it is also not half good. in its favour, sure, is the fact that the "all day" claim on the tin would appear quite correct. a very brief insight into my personal hygiene habits would be that i'd normally spray some deodorant on north of 7:15am but south of 7:20am; or if you will when Nick Ferrari is just about ready to do his first bit of shouting at someone for being absurd over on LBC. by 4 in the afternoon or so i still smell - not unpleasantly - like i've been hanging around with Mehmet, Deniz Arsla, Haluk and several other big butch Turkish men with lovely bushy moustaches down at Ağa hamamı.

what i perhaps don't quite get is why exactly the makers - Lynx, or Axe, or whatever - believe that this is suitable or otherwise ideal for their target market. as per previous "under review" editions, the demographics of Lynx / Axe users is 98% feral, uneducated teenagers, with the spray being used as some sort of territorial thing, so as the female may be attracted to the male wearer for what i suppose you could call or consider breeding properties; normally in or around bush shelters or in the vicinity of seldom used alleys down the back of shops. oh, make no mistake, i am firmly in the 2% demographic which has no wish to be involved in any such shenanigans, thank you very much.

just why, then, do they feel that the average female variant of the feral teenager would be attracted to the purely masculine preserve of the Turkish Bath scent? i mean, sure, i could understand why a young lad in this day and age would crave such a scent. my heterosexual, married life has taught me many things, and one of those was indeed that perhaps i was a little hasty in ruling out a more homosexual approach to it all early doors. but why would the feral teenage girls of today find this scent so alluring?

it's possible, i suppose, that Lynx / Axe are jumping on the "gender identity" bandwagon. maybe, to them, the idea that getting men to find other men attractive is the long term money maker. should this be the case, and if it catches on, then we may have problems meeting our requisite quota of single teenage mothers populating council estates across the land.

no. as part of the 2% of demographics, neither scenario has happened. i have not had oddball feral teenage girls flock to me, and so far as i am aware i have not garnered the attraction or attention of any gentlemen, with big bushy moustaches or not, further than would be normal for me. sadly i cannot say if this is a success or failure, as i have absolutely no idea exactly what they are trying to achieve with this.

so, is Lynx Gold Something Something worth your time? yes, and no. if you have ever speculated about using one of their rather more brutal, musky, sweaty man, used prophylactic and uber priapic fragrances but not had the courage to do so, consider this to be a slight stepping stone towards it.

to be honest, i think i will stick with their Black Night, which of course is a tribute to the song Black Night White Light by Frankie Goes To Hollywood, and is a fitting and respectful tribute at that. otherwise, maybe a bit of Excite, and some Apollo too. this one has been an OK diversion or deviation, but nothing in the fragrance or results of wearing it says "buy a third tin".

as ever, hope this has been of some use or interest to someone somewhere!

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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