quite a surprisingly fantastic and amazing number of people ask me about my skill and prowess about the fine art of either quitting smoking or otherwise cutting down considerably. the truth of this relies a great deal on you accepting 0 or zero as a surprisingly fantastic and amazing number. no one, look you see, has ever consulted with me on such matter.
whilst i am, mostly for economic but partially for health concerns, supposed to be quitting or cutting down considerably, alas i am not. yes, sure, i enjoy it. but then also it would not be entirely unfair to accuse me of being some hopeless cowardly addicted type too.
nonetheless, i have established a sort of "two step path to success" in respect of how one may quit smoking, or at the least cut down considerably. the steps on this path are -
- stop buying cigarettes
- stop buying cigarette lighters
yes. i made a solemn vow to cease purchasing cigarette lighters, so as if this would somehow magically make it so that i had all of a sudden found the courage to quit or considerably cut down on all things smoking. this made something of a replacement a requirement when magic did not occur.
incidentally, i of course use the phrase "solemn vow" in a highly contextual way here. which is to say that it is used so as not to explicitly mean never again, as i suspect i shall do business with the cigarette lighter display sections of Poundland once more within my lifetime.
are the matches helping? kind of, but not really in regards of quitting or cutting down considerably. in this day and age matches seem to be a veritable, if that is the correct word, wealth of information for the modern world.
look at all that lovely information on the back of a box of matches. see, it is worth my time to continue smoking so that i may learn things and share them here with you.
the centrepiece is of course a recipe - and requisite cooking guide - for the celebrated dish known as toad in the hole. it is intended for four and features eight sausages, which presumably means two sausages per person eating. Spiros backs this, for he assures me in his experience that trying to get more that two sausages in your mouth at once is just clumsy, messy and a little bit greedy.
Spiros also said something about "strike gently and away from body" was a pretty much apt and accurate description of what exactly goes on when he makes short term yet mutually beneficial friendships with gentlemen, sailors in particular. but that is a story for another time, perhaps.
also of interest is the high level of concern shown that children may come to harm via this magnificent product. things have changed. recently i commented that back in my youth there was absolutely no problem with building things like petrol stations right next to a school. now, not so much, as there seems to be a very welcome drive to do all possible to keep children away from fire and other such explosions. nice one.
well, that's that. let me get on with failing quitting or cutting down considerably, or otherwise see if i can muster the strength of character. you never know, one day i may succeed. in either eventuality, i think i will get some cheese.
be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!