butter the golden goose, prepare to kill it

OK, for the two people on earth not to have seen this film, please note that my comments might give away one or two things, so consider this opening salvo as coming with a SPOILER ALERT, if you so wish.

Pirates Of The Caribbean : Curse Of The Black Pearl was one of the funniest, entertaining films to come along for a good long while. as soon as it was a success, sequels were inevitable but this was no bad thing. Johnny Depp's outrageous Keith Richards impression was worth seeing again, Orlando Bloom was surprisingly bearable and the whole project looked like it could roll onwards to infinity and beyond. if they did it properly. oh dear.

the film-maker's have sadly taken their cue from the Matrix and Back To The Future series, and have ended up making parts 2 and 3 together. much like those two were a mess as a consequence, so Dead Man's Chest treads dangerously close to being. it is not a completed film, it is, at best, a half of a film. yet again we get the annoying lack of stand-alone stature for a sequel. it is an incomplete story which comes to an abrupt halt, more or less forcing you to wait for the third film if you want any sort of resolution.

how sad that they have done this instead of following the more successful sequel path, such as that laid out by Star Wars and Spider-Man. as for what there is of a film on display, well, Dead Man's Chest has its moments, but they are all the more sparse than the original. Johnny Depp seems to be perpetually tinkering with taking his role into being a parody of a parody, whereas Orlando Bloom is basically Orlando Bloom. Kiera WhateverHerNameIs just gets to stand around and look "pretty".

SPOILER OF NOTEperhaps the worst crime is the quasi-borrowing of the infamous Empire Strikes Back love triangle, this time featuring Orlando, Kiera and Johnny. so whose sister will Kiera turn out to be, then? this is just stupid.

finally, an astonishing waste of talent comes in the form of Bill Nighy playing Davey Jones. why?? you cannot recognize him through the special effects, and he adopts a bewildering Scottish-Welsh accent for the part. if you cannot tell it is him beyond looking at the credits, what was the point in hiring him? for a comparison, the heavily made-up and disguised Dustin Hoffman in the awful Dick Tracy was still clearly Dustin Hoffman.

otherwise, oddly in light of the above, it still remains an enjoyable film. the moments of genius may be sparse, but when they arrive they well and truly deliver. if you have just over two hours to kill i would reccomend this before i would reccomend Casino Royale, but this is not one to rush off and track down. if it comes your way, knock yourself out.