so, another month. this would usually mean a gander, look you see, at the calendars i have spread around the home. not so much this for the month of July, as it happens. just to "mix things up", or if you like for fun, instead we will be having a look at some weirdly specific to the month magnetic calendars what i made for some friends, associates and contemporaries of mine.
but first, fantastic facts concerning the origins of July. except, well, there are none, really. even if you knew nothing of why some months are what they are - length, when they happen and name - chances are that you are aware of July being named after Julius Caesar from the days or if you like era of the Roman Empire.
why did they name the month after him? well, for practical considerations it was during this month in the Roman way of measuring time that he was born. in respect of for what reason would one name a month after him, they thought he was excellent, great, f*****g marvellous, etc, for doing stuff like wars, conquests, and transforming Rome from a Republic to an Empire. they got a bit carried away, then, as he was nowt special. i mean, as a comparison, basically anybody could have done what he did, and indeed they did in his wake. compare that to, for instance, Jim Bowen, where it is so that absolutely no one could do what he did, as illustrated by the rather disastrous and particularly heathen, unpleasant attempt to make Bullseye without him.
yes, we probably should take a leaf from the Roman way and rename a month in honour of Jim Bowen, but nobody cares about such any more. it would be just all moans and groans and complaints about having to get stuff reprinted, or computers reprogrammed. respect has long since departed society.
one or two of you might assume, in keeping with a decidedly Roman way of doing things frame of mind, that the above calendar was created as inevitably July simply must be "homoerotic awareness month". not quite, dear reader, not quite. it is in fact awareness of homoerotic awareness month", or at the very least it is now.
the image selected highlights one of several barriers we need to break down in achieving a much more better awareness of homoerotic awareness. when people think of the motion picture Top Gun, they tend to associate it all with the (rightly) celebrated "volleyball scene", a moment in film history which really gave impetus to drive as many gay men to military service as possible. yes, that was a beautifully homoerotic sequence, but it overshadowed the uber homoerotic sequence in the same film, namely the locker room scene. so there it is, being celebrated.
something which is almost as important in the modern world (for July) (and beyond) as an awareness of homoerotic awareness is to ensure that the crops do not fail, lest the people of the villages and hamlets starve. this can lead to all sorts of unpleasantness, such as poisoning of wells and so forth. best to avoid it all, then, by making sure (or ensuring) that the right blood sacrifices are made, so as to please and/or appease the relevant gods.
yes, that is one of the more poignant moments from the excellent 1973 documentary The Wicker Man, a highly informative (and inspirational) instructional film showing how isolated communities can avoid the plight of crop failure. strictly speaking one does not have to make the relevant sacrifices in July per se, but why not?
any important dates or anniversaries or such in July? yes, lots. here are some of them
1 - on this day in 1984 a nation gathered around their radios on the afternoon and were most pleased to learn that Frankie Goes To Hollywood were at number one (with Two Tribes) and number two (with Relax) in the singles chart, back when the singles chart both meant something and was important.
3 - it was a tale of two Joes on this day in 1974, as Fraizer vs Bugner very much happened.
6 - 50 Cent, or at current exchange rates 39p, born on this day in 1975.
9 - the film Tron was released on this day in 1982. not a film i have ever liked, but it is quite trendy to mention it, so there you go.
13 - Live Aid happened on this day in 1985. whatever the fallout, whatever went wrong after that, and no matter how much of a twat Bob Geldof has become, never let it be forgotten what a remarkable, amazing day that was; one where it really did feel as though the world came together.
15 - the anti-Live Aid sentiment, Twitter, unleashed on this day in 2006. never has the world felt so at odds with itself, or filled with so much fleeting hatred, since people could spew their bile over this nonsense.
19 - much beloved English comedian and talented director Mel Smith passed away on this day in 2013. he was a timely reminder that not all cockneys are bad.
23 - first ever sale of a Ford motor car happened on this day in 1903. the first of many, you would think.
30 - a very happy birthday to Christopher "Chris" Nolan, one of the most remarkable film directors ever to grace screens with his art. nice one mate, keep it going.
indeed the above is a still from the much celebrated - vaunted, perhaps - "laundrette" scene off of The Young Ones. this image was selected as, historically, it was only in July under the English way of doing things that we could actually do laundry and dry it via the sun.
right, well, anyway, let me let you get one step closer to getting on with your month by ending this now. it is highly unlikely that i will go to the trouble of making calendars for August, so normal service should resume. but you never know.
be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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