the single biggest challenge to television broadcasters (commercial or state) in the UK is, look you see, the peculiar requirement that at all times someone called Jeremy must be employed in a presenting capacity. no one is quite sure as to how or even why this law came into being, but so it is written, and so it shall be.
at times this requirement - or if you like conundrum - is in no way problematic. often, as it happens, it has been stress free and quite rewarding. examples of Jeremy success are Beadle, who simply wished to entertain people, Clarkson before he developed destabilising ego issues and for that matter Vine, or at least Vine for the first tolerable five minutes he was thrust before cameras. sixth minute onwards has been a bit of a challenge, but no matter.
one of the rather ingenious ways around the Jeremy requirement placed on broadcasters was to use politicians to meet the quota. this had limited success at first, but alas (and perhaps inevitably) the wheels have right come off this one, what with Corbyn increasingly being aware they will broadcast anything he says and so he says anything, and Hunt presenting all sorts of complex challenges via his surname.
in recent times this whole Jeremy requirement has come to the fore with the rush to judgement on one of the more infamous of his name, Kyle. just as his success came from playing to the gladitorial, baying for blood audience, so he came to be blamed for the fact that the audience was, in nature, gladitorial and baying for blood. whilst his removal from the airwaves immediately fixed most of the problems in society, it has left a worrying gap in which we see no, or hardly any, presenters called Jeremy being our screens.
here is Spake, as in Jeremy Spake. yes, presented as an artists impression, if you call me an artist, for there seems to be a lack of free to use images of him around at the moment. that shall soon change, though, for the imminent huge surge in popularity and interest in him will see demand for icons, portraits and memorabilia increase to levels higher than they presently are.
unless our next Prime Minister, or even once and future King, is prepared to tear up the part of the constitution which states that at all times someone called Jeremy must be on our television screens, we need an answer to the question. Jeremy Spake is a ready made solution.
could he step up and step straight in to shows such as Top Gear, Eggheads, The Jeremy Kyle Show and Beadle's About, though? why yes, of course. this would be rather reactionary though. in order to let him flourish, and to have having someone called Jeremy being on the tele be more than just a legal requirement, he needs his own ventures.
here are just a few of the ideas i have had for how broadcasters can best harness the power of Jeremy Spake, and meet their Jeremy quota broadcasting volumes.
For F**k's Sake with Jeremy Spake - this would be a hard hitting, no nonsense news review and political commentary show. in it, Jeremy would look at all those stories and developments which make people utter "for f**k's sake" in disbelief and desperation, reaffirming that they are right to react in such a way.
Wide Awake with Jeremy Spake - just a nice, relaxing, hour long daily show during which Jeremy starts his day off with meditation, yoga and perhaps a cup of tea or coffee.
On a Lake with Jeremy Spake - early evening light entertainment in which Jeremy sits in a boat on a lake, observing things.
Jeremy Spake's Garden Rake - one for the environmental enthusiasts, seeing Jeremy inspect various gardens and advise if he finds them quite pleasant or believes they should be neatened up a bit.
Oh For F**k's Sake it's Jeremy Spake - adult orientated satire during which Jeremy affectionately pokes fun at the proliferation of Jeremy Spake shows on television.
All About Hake with Jeremy Spake - Jeremy turns the spotlight on this frequently overlooked, predominantly water based form of fish.
Take the Cake with Jeremy Spake - an engrossing, reasonable sized cash prize based quiz show, with contestants doing something cake related (literally or metaphorically) to win.
i could go on, but i shall not. absolutely any and all television production companies are most welcome to use any and all of the above ideas with no need for credit or royalties to me, i am satisfied just to help them out a bit.
well, anyway, that is probably quite enough Jeremy for one post.
be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment