this probably goes without saying, but it all the same it is of course true that acts of violence should not be condoned or celebrated. at least not all of the time, look you see. if it were all of the time, then i should not be writing this, a reflection on one of the greatest moments in modern history.
i am not at all certain, to be sure, which is the more difficult to accept. that 1999 (the year, not the Prince song) was 20 years ago, or that it is now 20 years since we witnesses a brave, plucky warrior slay a goose in just about the most unconventional way you could imagine. even if you can imagine a lot of different things.
yes. whereas a modern generation knows him as "the Pope out of Sharknado 5", i am of an era when we knew - indeed feared, admired and respected - the one they call Fabio as the goose slayer.
there he is, in the picture above, resplendent in a most exquisite cape, his hair so perfect it must have been cleansed with shampoo what has got lemon in it, like what Jason Donovan uses. in this image you can see the crowds that have gathered to watch him bravely go off and seek to slay a goose.
you might be reading this and asking how hard could it possibly be to slay a goose. one, surely, would simply need to visit a farm or some similar locale where geese (gooses?) hang out, armed with a standard or conventional weapon and, well, just do it. all true, certainly and most decidedly, but that was not the Fabio way.
no. to prove his worth, to test his mettle, Fabio set out to slay a goose in the most complex and difficult way he possibly could. to this end, in front of ample witness levels, Fabio had his people strap him into a rollercoaster, restraining his hands, and instructed them to neither stop the rollercoaster nor loosen his bindings until a goose was slain.
above is the partially world famous footage of this most triumphant event. yes, so special was this quest that it was presented, via satellites and all that, to a worldwide audience. of course he succeeded, otherwise we would not be celebrating this amazing achievement.
why, exactly, did Fabio wish to slay a goose in the most complicated way possible? that is a not unreasonable question, but one that has no clear answer. most accept that his main motivation was to have people stop seeing him as just "Fabio the model", and to understand that he was a far more complex character. perhaps a clairvoyant or soothsayer had consulted with him, informing him of great ills experienced in a past life, and that slaying a goose in a quite specific way was the only option to free himself of a curse.
should my opinion be asked as to why, i reckon he had not long before the incident watched Arnold Schwarzenegger as Conan in Conan The Barbarian. other than the bits where he stabs a snake with a sword and punches a horse or camel, there is this one bit in it where Arnold Schwarzenegger as Conan in Conan The Barbarian is being crucified, and whilst doing so slays a buzzard or vulture or similar by biting its head off.
perhaps for some reason Fabio got it into his head that the rollercoaster was the modern day, or real life, equivalent of crucifixion, and further assumed that a goose was in some way related to a buzzard or vulture or whatever. they all have wings, so same difference, that kind of thinking.
the important thing, i suppose, is that Fabio had a dream, Fabio reached for the dream, Fabio touched the dream. quite an inspiring sequence of events for absolutely everyone, except, arguably, the goose. but even then, how many gooses (geese?) get spoken of 20 years after they have been slain? it is Fabio and his dream and his ambition that the goose must be thankful to and/or for.
it will be a sad day if this is the last ever post i do which celebrates the anniversary someone who is ostensibly a model electing to slay a winged creature of the sky in a most decidedly curious way. let us see what dates of note crop up in the future.
be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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